I'm not one for social commentary or deep philosophical discussions, so consider this the "light version" of any meaningful conversation about the nexus of technology and society. This isn't a commentary about technology, though. It's more about what's unwittingly happened to people as we've become more "connected" to the world.
The Industrial Age gave us cookie-cutter, assembly line techniques for being efficient and crafting a uniformly effective offering.
That's awesome in a survival-based world, where cranking out quality stuff in quantity is important.
But that's not the world we live in anymore. On the whole, we are wealthier and healthier than we've ever been as human beings. Yes. there are exceptions to the rule, but most of those folks aren't reading this anyway, so it doesn't apply to them.
This applies to you. You, the person that's been cramming yourself into the same cookie-cutter mold for decades (or railing against it), because that's all there was.
I've been pretty lucky to "grow up" in the digital age. I'm technically not a Millenial, but I'm on the cusp. I built one of the first e-commerce websites back when animated gifts were all the rage (the first time), and video wasn't even a glimmer in the Internet's eye.
In that time, there've been lots of "game changers" - which is almost silly to say. The advent of the Internet is like watching an infant grow into a toddler and then a teen - everything is new, thus everything is a "game changer". But the one commonality I've witnessed over the last 20 years is the growing ease with which people can access, use, and contribute to this technology - and how this new-found ease impacts their work.
10 years ago, the idea of watching your favorite TV show or a feature-length film on your stylish CaseFace phone was insane. Now, mobile and "third screen" viewing has eclipsed television, and will likely continue to do for the foreseeable future. The ability to take your media with you has relegated newsprint to the birdcage, and magazines I loved reading as a kid have gotten thinner and more ad-laden.
Less content, more commercials. A sure-fire end to most anything.
One look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs will show you that we've done a great job (on the whole) of getting those basic needs met. As I said before, we're wealthier and healthier than we've ever been in human history.
Here's another great example from Chip Conley, which condenses the pyramid into three layers (particularly the "employee" pyramid, which he's condensed to "money", "recognition", and "meaning").
Maslow's theory is that we work our way up the pyramid, once we've assured ourselves that our more basic needs are met. Once we've handled the basics like, food, shelter, clothing, saftey, and a paycheck, we can concern ourselves with "higher" issues like love, a sense of belonging, or recognition. Ultimately, once those things are handled, we can search for "self-actualization" or the meaning of life, if you will.
Here's the problem in a nutshell. We've been pushed up the pyramid, whether we like it or not. Computers have "connected" us, and made things incredibly easy, yet so many of us weren't ready for the shift.
Now, building a career can happen remotely. For my last job, I applied, interviewed, and was hired digitally. I worked from my Michigan home, and the company was thousands of miles away on the west coast. All my contact and interaction was digital: email, skype, webcam. No handshakes, no eye contact, just pixels.
Love and belonging (at least on some level) are just a facebook post away. When I'm feeling blue, I can post a simple "Hugs please" on Facebook, and my friends come out of the woodwork to encourage me. I never got that kind of instant gratification & encouragement before the Internet! So work, networking, and even relationships have gotten more efficient, thanks to technology.
We've got all this time on our hands, and yet we're stuck.
We're stuck because, now that the basics and middle-ground issues are being "handled," we have to look to ourselves and find meaning - something that takes time and can't be short-cut.
"Why am I here? What makes me valuable if a computer can do my old job in half the time? What real value do I bring to the world?"
We didn't have time to deal with these questions before. We had work to do, dammit, and that had to come first, so we could eat - so we could SURVIVE! But now, with all this time on our hands, we're having to face these questions - and some of us have a boatload of anxiety, depression, fear, or ambivalence toward it.
To make matters worse, we've been taught that thinking of ourselves is selfish and inconsiderate, and we are, therefore "BAD" for behaving that way.
No wonder our culture sometimes feels like it's on a downward spiral.
The truth is, you've been doing it since you were born. You "took" your first breath, and it's been downhill ever since. In reality, you can't NOT put yourself first. It's just that our culture has made it out to be some sort of a crime because there are those among us who would take it to the far extreme. Putting yourself ahead of everyone else - at all costs - is a kind of selfishness that often comes from a place of fear.
Self-care is not selfish - including in your work. (tweet this)
More and more employees are jumping ship to work for themselves. I'm meeting more entrepreneurs who left corporate America after only a few years of being disillusioned about their prospects with their employers. I'm also meeting entrepreneurs that are carving out a name for themselves by defining success on their own terms. They're creating businesses and offers that take into account how they like to work, who they like to work with, and what they want their life to be like so that they can experience success now - not in 35 years. They see that there's no pot at the end of the rainbow, that "someday" doesn't come with a big red ribbon, and they're deciding what they really want and going for it now.
To "older folks" entrenched in the ancient ways of the Industrial Age, it feels a bit like treason. It's definitely shaking up their snowglobes - the idea that they can give themselves permission to walk away from something they don't love and do something that brings them joy - and get paid to do it -still strikes fear into many of my older family members. They grew up in Depression-era America, where you got one job and stuck with it until you were old enough to retire, take the watch and the pension, and then go have a REAL life - if you lived that long. I know many employees of the assembly line factories who literally gave their lives to their work, dropping dead within a few days of retirement.
I've said before that now is the best time for you to create a business (and a life) that works for you. Of course, that means getting clear on who you really are and what's really important to you. It means doing the work at the top of the pyramid, and finding the meaning that matters...
... to YOU.
For some folks, this might seem foreign, or scary, but there are countless people in the world doing it. In fact, I'm launching a new series next year that spotlights these folks (more on that in a later post). They are becoming the norm. Gone are the days of three television networks and multi-national conglomerates that corner the market. Now is the time of what I call the "experience economy" - and creating a life for yourself that matters. It's reaching smaller, tighter markets and making a big impact. It's happening now.
On Monday, I'll be leading a free teleclass called "Success Your Way: How to have a profitable, sustainable business that works for you in 2015... and beyond." If you're at all interested in riding this wave of business with meaning, I invite you to join me. You'll learn more about this crazy "pyramid scheme" called business, as well as how to figure out which stage of growth your business is in and how to shape it to this new experience economy... which might sound more technical than it really is.
In short, we'll talk about how YOU can create a business that works for you, based on how you define success. And if you're not sure how to define success, we'll talk about that, too.
How are you dealing with the way technology has pushed you up the pyramid? What has been a blessing (or a curse) for you because of it? Share your comments below.
Over the past couple of weeks, I've been offering up tools, ideas, and resources that I usually find helpful this time of year to help me get a jump start on the new year. From The Success Finder, to my new Dream Owner's Creed, and the Profit First Instant Assessment, each has been a part of what I use to get more clarity and move more confidently toward my future.
This week has been a little heady for me. On Sunday, I posted a song from my last concert with a story about a music teacher who realized his musical dreams as part of one of the most influential progressive rock bands in America. But then he had a kid, started looking around at the world, and realized that things weren't always what they were cracked up to be. So he wrote a song of hope as he was birthing his son into the world.
I still get a little teary-eyed when I hear that song. A bunch of people emailed and tweeted to connect with me and share that song with their networks. I didn't expect that kind of response from such a simple hymn-like tune.
Then, on Monday, we launched the Dreamblazing program with very little fanfare (there's still time to join, if you'd like). I've been going through it right along with the participants, and in the process, I've gotten the gut feeling that a lot of people are feeling stuck right now.
And I wanted to do something about it.
From now through the end of the year, I'm inviting you to schedule a no-cost 30 minute session with me to help determine your next steps in having a business and life you love. This isn't therapy, counseling, or tax/legal planning - that's not my area of expertise. What I'm good at is seeing the big picture, and how all the parts and pieces fit together in a way that creates more meaning, gives you more freedom, and provides you with a clear path to a profitable, sustainable business.
I call that a Noble Empire and an Inspired Life.
Interested? Click here to schedule your time.
What to expect:
Once you're scheduled, I'll be sending you some simple instructions. Nothing heavy-duty. Just the basic background info. Then, when we're in session together (call or skype), we'll dig into where you feel stuck, and I'll help you see where to get unstuck. It might mean referring you to a book, program, or professional that I know that can help. Or it might just be a mindset shift we can make right on the call. Whatever I think will be most helpful to you (based on your current situation), is what I'll be sharing with you in our session.
There are lots of reasons, actually. Because of the projects I've been involved in this year, I've not had a lot of time to lead teleclasses or workshops. That means I haven't been connecting with you as much as I'd like - hearing what's going on for you.
Being out of touch with your clients means you're out of touch with what's important to them (click to tweet). That's the fastest route to going out of business! Talking with you individually really helps me know who's reading my posts, what's going on in your world, and how I can better serve your needs.
Also, this is the time of year when things can get pretty crazy and a cool head, or objective viewpoint can be a blessing. I have the space in my calendar and I'd love to be that third eye for you!
Lastly, each year around Thanksgiving, I try to do something to give back to my online community. Last year, we gave away over 1,000 copies of my book, and we're doing another book re-launch next week (watch for an email on Monday!)
This year, I wanted to do something a little more personal. I've got a phobia I'm working on overcoming, and this will really help me immerse myself in serving with love instead of focusing on fear.
While I can't guarantee everyone will get a spot on my calendar, I've opened up hundreds of time slots over the remainder of the year (limit one per person, yo!). If you've ever wondered what it's like to work with a coach, or what it's like to work with me, there's never been a better time to give it a try.
In blessings and peace,
-Lisa
P.S. Last time, I promised to share a video I filmed about dealing with toxic relationships. You can find that here.
Ever have one of those moments where you think you know how something is going to go, and then it turns out completely differently, but it still works to your favor?
That was my experience last week when I asked my facebook connections to vote on a video topic for a contest I'm entering. I asked them to choose between these two topics:
Hands down, the winner was #1 - in all but one group where the vote was evenly split. For whatever reason, people I know can really relate to the struggle of showing up fully as themselves - a malady I can SO relate with.
But here's the thing... both topics are really about the same thing.
It almost sounds like a dangerous idea, right? I mean, there are "blueprints" and "formulas" galore in the world. There are gurus, guides, and coaches who want nothing more than to sell you their 'proven system' to help you be "successful" in some area or another of your life or work.
Heck, I'm a mentor myself. I have systems and tools that I use and offer to others, so it stands to reason I could lump myself in that category, too, right?
I wouldn't blame you if you did.
The thing that I hope sets me apart is that I detest the one-size-fits-all approach that so many leaders laud. A lot of people tread that path, and in my experience that's where the mediocre are. Back in my direct sales days, there was a "technique" that was touted as a sure-fire way to get business: pass out your business card to everyone with a pulse. Does it work? Sure. Eventually. But it's painful, awkward, and gives you a bad reputation.
Cookie cutter "blueprints" have their place. Like making cookies, or building houses. You want to know, before you invest your resources, a reasonable idea of what the end result will be. But you can take one blueprint and build two "identical" houses and they won't even be close to the same. Why? Location, interior decoration, and other considerations that have nothing to do with the blueprint itself. Likewise, three people can take the exact same cookie recipe and have three dramatically different results. Why? Again, lots of considerations that have nothing to do with the recipe itself.
The difference in the house and the cookies lays squarely with the owner. Who's the one doing the building, the decorating, the baking? That's what's really going to dictate how things shake out. That's something most coaches and gurus don't take into account in their blueprints.
Frameworks are helpful, but you can't expect to duplicate someone else's success because you are not that person! Believe me. I've invested my share of cash into training, blueprints, and frameworks. Any time they're a step-by-step "here's what I did to be successful" approach, it falls flat. Because I'm not them! I've been coaching and training for almost 10 years, and while there are some common themes, every client is different. There are no two people, no two businesses that are exactly alike. Even in direct sales, where every consultant is selling the exact same product from the exact same catalog, the results are markedly different because of WHO is doing the selling and HOW they are doing it.
A blueprint or a framework can show you how, but it may not work for who you are. It's the underlying principles, the concepts, and the WHY this worked that matters. Once you know WHY something works, you can figure out HOW to apply it to your situation in a way that works for WHO you are.
It was my very first tagline and it's still true. You are the most important piece of the puzzle in growing a profitable, sustainable business. Without you, it's just another product, another service, another offering. You are what makes it special. But if you're spending all your time, money, and energy trying to fit yourself into the mold of someone else, you're missing out on your biggest opportunity for success.
Showing up as yourself more completely means being willing to own your shadow and your light. None of us - not even the well-paid gurus and muckety mucks of the world are perfect. No matter how much spit and polish they put on. We all have bad days, make poor choices, and then have to live with the consequences. Being willing to admit your imperfections takes courage, and a little vulnerability, it's true. What I've learned, though, is that when I am willing to show up as myself - warts, sparkles and all - it gives the people around me permission to show up as themselves, too. It's an upward spiral that perpetuates itself.
When I finish speaking in front of an audience, I usually hear two comments. The first is usually about my energy and enthusiasm. The second is about how refreshing it is to see me be so "real" on the stage. They appreciate that I speak without talking down, insulting their intelligence, or making them feel inferior. They appreciate that I'm not afraid to tell the messy stories of my life. It gives them confidence to share their stories - sometimes just with me, but often with a larger audience they've been nervous to talk to.
From my perspective, life is messy. We all know that, yet so many people try to pretend otherwise. Embrace your mess, maybe even love it a little, since that's where the juicy stories come from. That's what makes you relatable.
Don't be afraid to be yourself. It's a job no one else is equipped to do. (click to tweet)
That doesn't mean you have to air all your dirty laundry. I do my best to share my stories in ways that are helpful to others. I'm one of those people who believes that if you can learn from my mistakes, then you won't have to repeat them. I also believe that every choice I've made (for better or worse) has led me to this moment. That if there's something from my journey that can help you on yours, then I want to he able to share it.
We've all put on the brave face, the happy face, the facade that says everything's okay when it's not. But I'm talking about something deeper. You've heard me talk about "The Pretender" and "The Coward" before. One mask protects you from the world, the other protects the world from you. Yet, neither serves your highest good. You have to take off your masks to risk being truly seen.
When you know who you are, you aren’t afraid to admit who you are not. I'm not a scientist. That's my husband. When the kids come home with math homework, I quickly remind them I was a music major in college, so I can count to 12 and divide by 7, but that's about it. I know my limitations there. But it's easy for me to forget those limitations when I slip on the mask of what a good mom is "supposed" to be. I'm pretending. It's frustrating. And it's just digging my hole deeper.
Once you start wearing a mask, it becomes risky to remove it. Showing up as yourself means letting people see what you don't know, what you can't do, what you aren't capable of in this moment. That's scary stuff.
But it also means showing people what you do know, what you can do, and what you are truly capable of in this moment. That is sometimes even more scary.
I grew up in a "gifted" program full of smarty pants kids. We were all too smart for our own good and socially awkward. Most of us had one or two things that we really knew - we were smarter than even the smart kids! But if we dared to show our intelligence in that area, we were quickly brought down a peg by someone who was smart in another area - just to show us that we didn't know everything.
Sadly, that attitude doesn't leave us when we're adults. So being seen as smarter, faster, or better than someone else can become an equally heavy burden and scary proposal.
Masks, to me, are like McDonald's. Once you've seen it, you know what to expect. When you walk into a McDonald's you pretty much know what's on the menu, where the bathroom is, and how competent the counter help will be. On those rare occasions when they're offering a special menu item (remember McDonald's pizza?) it throws you off. Now you're not sure what to expect. That could be good or bad, but either way, you're thrown for a loop for a minute while you get your bearings.
Masks become a cultural shorthand. The problem is that humans grow and change, and masks don't fit forever. Try taking a picture of yourself when you were a child and wearing it around during the day. Unless it's Halloween, people are going to be thrown off. Why is this grown-ass person wearing the face of a small child? What are they hiding? Why are they hiding?
Peeling off the masks is a must-do. How can we fall in love with you if we can't see who you are? If you're wearing a mask, we're not falling in love with you, we're falling in love with the mask, and that creates all kinds of internal backlash and self-loathing. It's a vicious downward spiral that keeps us trying on different masks, hoping that one will eventually fit.
It takes guts, and tremendous amounts of courage to be true to what really matters to you. Lady Gaga takes a risk every time she steps out in public in one of her crazy ensembles. Yet, it's far less of a risk than playing small and not owning her outlandishness. If you fell in love with "small-playing" Lady Gaga, you just might have a heart attack watching her tramp around in some of her crazier get-ups. Her outspoken, outlandish appearance is part and parcel to who she really is.
To deny any part of you is to deny all of you.
You can't say "that's not my hand" when it's clearly connected to your body. If you deny the hand, you deny the body. Likewise to deny what's important to you (family, faith, travel, relationships, etc.), is to deny YOU. You can't deny a part of you. You're denying your whole self, because that "part" is woven into the very tapestry of your existence. It's a meaningful thread of who you are... whether it's a piece from your past, your present, or your future, it's every bit as important as every other part of you.
In the next few days, I'll be sharing a special gift with my subscribers to help remind them to remove their masks and show up more consistently as themselves. If you'd like to get it, be sure you're subscribed above. In the comments below, I'd love to hear your stories. When did you recognize you were wearing a mask? Did you choose to take it off? Why? What happened as a result? It's in sharing your stories that we lift each other up.
I chuckle now as I look back on my collegiate career. Convinced that I was "too poor" to be able to afford to hire a band, a graphic designer, or a business manager, I learned how to do all those things myself. I took classes in business, law, graphic design, and music. My first album (recorded during my time in college) features no other instrumentalists. Every track was laid down electronically. I mixed my own vocals, designed my own cover. I did have a friend shoot the pictures, but that was only because he had a camera and was willing to help.
Can you imagine the comic nature of me trying to set up a shot, run around to the back of the camera, set a timer, and run into the shot again? Don't laugh. I found myself doing exactly that in a recent photo shoot for The Sweet Browns - a vocal group I'm working with locally. I think we ended up taking that shot 4 or 5 times before I got situated in time for the flash.
In my family, it somehow meant we're weak, that we can't do "it" on our own... whatever "it" happens to be. I grew up in a family of strong, independent women, and had a pretty stubborn lineage of men in my life as well. We simply didn't ask for help. The downside to all that independence is that you pass it on. I watch my boys (8 and almost 18) think they have to have it all figured out. That they simply can't ask for help. They either have to wait for it to be offered, or they have to struggle through the frustration on their own.
(more…)About a year ago, my husband and I bought a Porsche. We call it "The Time Machine" because it's really a blast from the past.
When we bought it, we got the expected commentary from friends and family:
"A Porsche? Really? How can you afford that?"
"What are you going to do with a Porsche? It's way too small for your family."
"Mom, can I have it when I graduate from high school?"
... and on and on.
When they found out it was a Porsche 924 - a classic from 1977 - and we only paid about $1500 for it, the comments took a different turn:
"What are you going to do with an old beat up car?"
"Forget it! I don't want my friends seeing me in an OLD car!"
"That's $1500 more than I would have paid."
"Does it have seatbelts?"
"Regular or unleaded gas?"
... and my favorite: "Can you even fit in that thing?"
One guy I used to know - who owns a limited edition Porsche Panamera (valued around $75k) - liked to poke fun and ask me when we were going to get a real Porsche. He'd say to me "Don't you want to see yourself someday in a new Porsche?"
I wonder if he'd say that to his wife - who is about 20 years his junior. 🙂
Last summer was a rough one for us. After two years of trying to keep a failing business venture afloat, and some personal financial issues around the health of our kids, we made a tough decision (more…)
I'm laying down a challenge for you today.
This week's post shares a quick tip and friendly reminder to clear out the clutter in your heart, your home, and your life. When you do, there's a gift that comes back to you. Clearing space always makes room for something new. What that "something"
What about you? What's the Key Area of Success where you could take a moment and create some space? When you've cleared space n the past, what was the "new" that showed up for you? Share your thoughts in the comments for our whole community to enjoy.
Four ounces.
It's approximately what the iPhone 5 (and a variety of other every day items) weighs.
And since the start of the year, that's my net weight loss for all of 2014.
Four ounces.
For the past two years, I've logged my daily weight (well, as often as possible), high or low, I've watched my body fluctuate around the same 10 pounds. And I'm still 90 pounds away from what most reasonable people would consider a healthy weight for my age and body type.
To an outsider, four ounces is laughable. It's barely a tick on the scale, and yet it's one worth celebrating.
Why?
Because I'm past the half-way point of the year, and I'm still trending downward.
See, I started the year above my normal weight - by about 3.5 pounds. That means, not only have I lost that extra baggage from the holidays (and my birthday party!), it means I've actually made progress toward my ultimate goal.
Plus, in June, I started a 3-day fast, which gave shaved another 4+ pounds off the scale. But I didn't fast for weight reasons (more on that in another post), so when the fast ended, I wasn't surprised to see some of that weight return.
But not those four ounces!
I'm no small woman. I know that. I also know that there are lots of moving parts to my own weight loss journey. Food sensitivities, emotional eating, and other stuff I'm just now discovering. Like my Cinderella complex. For as independent as I am, I keep hoping my Fairy Godmother will come with her magic wand and miraculously flush that 90 pounds off my body, give me a gorgeous dress and send me off to The Ball in my fancy glass slippers.
My coach called me on it this week. When I told her about my resistance to following through on my weight loss goals, she pointed out how good I am at getting things done - when it's a priority for me.
Zorch. She got me. It's fun to talk about what I've done well. It's sexy to talk about plans and goals.
I've worked over the last six months to see that four ounces - but not consistently. I'd put my head down for a while - anywhere from 5-21 days, and then I'd shrink back. I gave my power over to other people and put myself in a position where I didn't have healthy options available to me.
One of the practices I've instituted this year is re-commitment. It's easy to get on board with something, but when you hit The Dip, it's also easy to fall off that bandwagon, and never return. Re-commitment is permission to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over again with what you've said matters.
When the scale starts climbing, or the exercise gets monotonous, it's easy to give up, grab a jar of Nutella, and forget about what really matters.
When your friends invite you to go fun places - like Cops & Doughnuts in Clare - it's easy to get lost in a sea of sugary goodness and succumb to the temptation of tasty treats. It's easy to give up on your long term goal for some short term socialization and delicious debauchery.
And in some ways, I did. In others, I didn't. At the end of the trip (which was fabulous, by the way. Did you see my mugshot on Facebook?), I hadn't gained a pound.
Of course, I hadn't lost any, either. But my wins included:
One week later, and I can proudly proclaim I'm down almost 2 pounds from the trip - and then there's those glorious four ounces.
Re-commitment takes guts. It takes courage to say "Hey, I fell down, and I'm not gonna stay down." It takes balls to say "I made a disempowering choice (or series of choices), but I'm going to get back on track."
It takes cojones to say "Yep, I've dropped the ball regularly on this in the past, but now, I'm re-committing, doing some things differently, and we'll see how this time goes."
And it takes supreme levels of courage to do that in the face of well-intentioned friends and even haters, who've seen you fall and don't expect you to ever get back up.
When you do get back up (because you're awesome like that), you celebrate that win. Dance! Sing! Shout! Tell your friends! Paint a mural! Blog about it! Take pictures!
Even if it's "only" four ounces.
Don't focus on the thirty-eight steps you still have to go to see the finish line. Just focus on the step right in front of you. Take THAT step and see what shows up. Then take the next step, and see what shows up.
Rinse and repeat until you see the finish line.
You've got this. I believe in you.
See you there!
(Author's note: this post originally appeared in 2011 on one of my old blogs. I've freshened it up a bit for you today.)
One of the things that really annoys me are those folks that say they want change, but don't take action when answers are provided.
It dawned on me why they don't budge.
Picture a huge file room in your brain. There's a file clerk in there, taking in "evidence" for the various files in the "cabinets."
The file clerk never takes a break. He's contstantly filing away bits of information in the various files.
Let's say, in one cabinet, you have two files, one marked "I can't sing", the other marked "I'm a good singer."
Then let's say you're invited to sing in a local Karaoke contest.
Quickly, you run to the file clerk and say "pull out the files to help me decide what to do!"
The file clerk, never missing a beat, pulls out two files. One is significantly larger than the other. The one that says "I can't sing" weighs 100 pounds, while the other has only a few slips of paper inside.
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Saturday, May 17, 2014, will be the day I count as the day my dream began anew. My whole life I wanted to be on a stage and perform for an international audience. Well, the first installment of the Front Row Sessions played host to people in London, Canada, and all over the US.
It's the first time in my life I've had the honor of playing my own original music with a live band. And WHAT a band! The Damn Whippersnappers are simply a fabulous bunch of boys - and fun, too. This monologue and song opened the show and set the tone for what I believe (from all the comments on social media) was a powerful and fun afternoon for everyone watching. This was also the debut performance for my new song, "Photoshop Me" - a song about self acceptance and being proud of who you are (the song starts around the 6:40 mark).
This afternoon wouldn't have happened without this awesome band I call The Damn Whippersnappers:
Piano: Desmond Sheppard
Bass: Owen Ananich
Drums: Joe Neminski
Guitar: Kris Kress
It also wouldn't have happened without the gracious support from the folks at Gigee.com and my behind-the-scenes team of Tanya Brayer and Jen Harris. They kept the broadcast working like a charm and the chat room hopping.
And lastly, this dream come true wouldn't have had any meaning without an audience. My fans all over the world are the biggest reason I put this show together. THANK YOU for being so awesome and supportive!
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It started innocently, as revolutions often do.
I've been working (and re-working) my branding and messaging for the past year, and nothing really seemed to hit the mark. I dove into course after course that offered bits and pieces of what I was hoping would help me craft a clearer direction for me as both an artist and entrepreneur. As usual, some were better than others. While class is still in session in at least one of those programs, I want to update you on a major ah-ha I got from Revolution U579, the brainchild of author and all-round good guy, Jonathan Fields.
It probably sounds better when the Beatles sing it. Jonathan's premise is that instead of creating a business, we can create a commercial revolution that sets us apart in our industry as well as in the minds of our biggest fans. We stand for something bigger than just the "stuff" we sell.
That sounds like a pretty sexy idea to me.
RevU takes you through a series of exercises and prompts to ultimately identify the core idea of your revolution. Jonathan asks what you're moving away from and what will supplant the old dictatorial regime. For me, it boiled down to one simple idea:
As kids, our hearts are full of whimsical fantasies and never-ending stories about our biggest dreams. Firemen, princesses580, becoming a rock star. We keep on dreaming until, one day, something happens, or someone else enters our lives and slowly, those dreams get squashed, squelched, or otherwise relegated to some dusty corner in the attic of our minds581... often to never be revisited again.
582That's when death begins. It's slow, plodding, and sad. Most of the time, we don't even realize it's happening to us. Someone tells us we're too loud, or too enthusiastic, or a bit obnoxious about our dream, so we turn the volume down. Little by little, (more…)
I am thrilled to be a guest this week on my the Current Inspiration blog, wherein I share my simple 2-step process for gaining instant invincibility. My secret? I use an army of Grandmas:
Okay, maybe not exactly like this, or even this:
But it's a quick and easy technique that's helped me through some pretty tough stuff (like being in court for 4 hours this week waiting to find out the results of a plea agreement in my youngest son's case.). If you could use a shot of invincibility every now and then, check out Pam's blog and tell her I sent ya!
I remember it like it was yesterday. 4th floor of Darrow Hall, BGSU. A throng of students were piled into and onto my friend Angela's futon "loft" bunk bed. She had the coolest room (and furniture) in the dorm by far, and there had to be at least twelve people crammed into that little shoebox room. I was late to the party and everyone was camped around the TV set watching "The Princess Bride".
I got there just as the sword fight was beginning. I'd never seen the 1987 movie before (it was considered a "classic" by 1993 - don't judge me), so I was asking questions trying to get up to speed. Mesmerized by the hypnotic choreography and delicious one-liners ("get used to disappointment"), I was shushed more than I was answered.
By the end of the film, however, it had become one of my all-time favorite movies. I still randomly quote passages from the movie on facebook just to see who is paying attention.
Inconceivable, I know.
Little did I know that some 20 years later, that movie would become not just a quintessential classic from my young adulthood, it would also teach me a lot about life, and specifically, about pursuing my dreams.
In the spirit of Bec Oakley's post, here are 12 lessons I learned from "The Princess Bride" if you really want to go for your dreams.
1. "You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles."
Stuff takes time. And just because you're not where you think you should be, doesn't mean you're not where you need to be. It's a hard-won journey to cross the eel-infested waters, scale the Cliffs of Insanity, and brave the Fire Swamp to reclaim what matters most to you. Even Dorothy couldn't click her heels together until after the journey was over. (more…)
[Note: I originally wrote this post a few years ago, for my Business Action Hero website. I've refreshed it here because it's still relevant - maybe now more than ever.]
"If you are deliberately trying to create a future that feels safe, you will willfully ignore the future that is likely.”
- Seth Godin
It hit me between the eyes. This painful, jarring sensation at far too early on a Sunday morning - on a holiday weekend no less. This strange need for safety that we all seem to crave - even go out of our way to re-inforce.
Even if the result is less comfortable than pursuing change.
We don't want to rock the boat and get people mad at us. So we stay in the comfort zone. Maybe we push a little here and there, but we're not really making true progress on our own path.
It's here where we have to choose:
Because safety is the ultimate risk. Hoping and praying that nothing will change. Images of ostriches with their heads in the sand come to mind. They can't see that tornado bearing down on them, but golly, they sure feel safe!
[tweet "When it comes to owning your dreams, safety is the ultimate risk."]
Back in 2010, I had the honor of interviewing best-selling author Jonathan Fields about the upside of being an entrepreneur. During that interview, he said something that has stayed with me:
"There is no sideways in life. It's an illusion. There's only up and down. Usually this is the most horrifying scenario of all."
- Jonathan Fields
At first, I didn't want to believe it, but my own experience has validated that there's no standing still. You're either moving forward (as you define it) or you're getting left behind. When I interviewed him again for his second book, "Uncertainty", he offered up this gem:
"If you want to do great things in the world, you have to go to a place where you don't know how it's going to end."
- Jonathan Fields
(You can listen to that interview here.)
Since then, he's launched the Good Life Project and Revolution U, all the while, going where he'd never gone before. It's been fascinating and fun to watch. Clearly, this is a guy that continues to choose "adventure" over "safety".
Safety is your nemesis.
I don't mean you should recklessly throw caution to the wind. We need to be smart about the risks we're taking. Safety and security is one thing most of us crave - it's the foundation of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Without it, we don't feel like we can move forward.
But once we "have" it, we're less likely to move forward because of it. Safety means we don't have to push, strive, or work as hard because, well, we're safe, and nothing's going to happen to us in our safe space, right?
That's a wicked catch-22.
Safety works hard to keep you stuck - just as hard as you work to plow forward in your adventure.
"What if they don't like it?"
"What if they think I'm crazy?"
"What if it flops?"
"What will _____ say?"
"That's too hard/easy/fast/slow/tedious/tiresome/boring/good for me."
"I'd love to but I don't have enough ______ (or I am not ____ enough)."
We judge ourselves so harshly that we don't give ourselves a fighting chance. Let's change that!
Remember: perfection is an illusion. You're already as perfect as you're gonna get. You're human. To expect perfection 100% of the time will only cause more judgement (pain, resentment, frustration). Stuff happens that we call "failure". Big deal. Take a moment to celebrate the wins, stop staring at the door that closed, and look for your next steps.
The nature of a nemesis is that it has an equivalent level of power and sway. Think of The Joker and Batman, Prof. Moriarty and Sherlock Holmes. A nemesis is not easily defeated, but can be thwarted and often contained. It is when you underestimate your nemesis that it takes a foothold, and often wins a battle or two.
Simple, but not easy.
I have a friend who, for the past few years, has committed to posting on her blog every weekday. That's hundreds of posts each year for the past few years. I don't always catch every post, but today's post hit me between the eyes, so I thought I'd share it with you.
The little girl in the video says she wants to be a fairy when she grows up. (more…)
It's a pretty audacious claim, isn't it?
For years, I've been walking around with 50-100 extra pounds on my frame. Well-meaning friends and family have tried various ploys to "get" me to lose the weight, as if I was stubbornly holding onto it like a rainy day fund.
Like many people facing weight loss issues, I've put a lot of time energy and money into various weight loss programs, plans, schemes, and pipe dreams. At my highest, I've weighed close to 270 pounds. As an adult, my lowest weight (as I write this) was around 185 while I was in college (the first time).
According to all the charts and diagrams, no mater how you slice it, I've been overweight most of my life - and all of my adult life. Weight loss isn't as simple as "calories in, calories out" - although that does play a part. I'm also NOT a diet or nutrition expert, even though I've probably read as much as any health sciences student ever could on the topic. What I've learned, though, is that everyone's weight loss journey is personal. It HAS to be personal, or it's just too hard to stick with it.
So this year, I set a new priority on my health. The reasons aren't important right now, but I have them.
But reasons alone are not enough for me.
On long drives, I often take a couple audiobooks along for the ride. From my home base in Michigan, it's a fairly lengthy trek to Litchfield, CT - where my friend and colleague, Amy Oscar, hosted her first-ever Soul Caller retreat. The pristinely-quiet setting of Wisdom House gave this city girl plenty of time for contemplation, opening up, and revelatory introspection.
I'll get to some of that, but first, the audio book.
On this trip, I only took one: Michael Bernard Beckwith's book "Spiritual Liberation". It seemed fitting, considering this was mostly a trip for spiritual purposes (more on that "mostly" in a bit).
As I drove down the road, I heard Beckwith revealing his own story and spiritual journey. A one-time drug dealer that turned a new leaf and now leads one of the largest non-denominational spiritual centers in the U.S. But what really struck me was this passage: (more…)
First the important stuff: Happy birthday to meeeee!!
Second, the REALLY important stuff: My gift to you is this powerful conversation with Dave Ursillo. As part of his "conversations in purpose" series, Dave and I riff on one of the hardest things I've had to learn how to do: accept and own my value as a creator, a human, a person on this planet. We also touch on his work with the Literati Writers, how his first dream didn't go as planned, and the choices he's made that have led him to this point in his life and career.
Enjoy!
[Editor's note: This is the sixth in an annual series of posts I write to focus my efforts for the new year. You can find last year's post here. Here are links to parts 1, 2, 3 and 4.]
Inspire. Brave. ENTHUSIASM! Uncommon.
Each year, I try to pick a word or phrase that reflects my focus, my "theme" for the year. Then, at the end of said year, I look back and evaluate, before rinsing and repeating for the new year. For 2013, that theme was "Inspire".
I launched the year with a goal to record 300 songs. I fell short. I'd say embarrassingly short, but I'm not embarrassed by the results:
I learned a LOT about what it really takes to make a quality recording in your home. More than I thought I needed to know, frankly. I learned how grossly out of my depth I am with the audio engineering process, and how it's a lot more art than science.
I think I'll stick to the art I'm good at, thanks.
Still, 50+ songs is nothing to sneeze at, and while we had some hiccups on the copyright issues with some of our broadcasters (I'm talking to you, SoundCloud!), I finally got my music heard by new fans all over the world... a bucket list item for almost 30 years.
I also met and began working with an uber gifted arranger, and we started working on the tracks that will be on my new album - my first recording in almost 10 years!
The biggest hurdle to finishing the recordings wasn't a lack of skill, it was a lack of time. The one thing you can't predict going into a new year is what new and unexpected surprises will benefit or befall you. This year was a doozie! We were right on course until April, when I was hit with horrible news about a close friend and my youngest son. That's when everything on the music front took a tailspin.
I launched several new programs including my Dream Big Breakthrough, Get Your Year In Gear and the Spotlight Sessions. Not all of them were big winners, but all of them reflected the growth and new direction that 2013 was leading me in. On the direct sales training front, I hosted a year-end livestream conference that doubled as my retirement party. It had a few hiccups, but overall, it was well received and a powerful event to help direct sellers move into 2014 with confidence and know-how to build their own noble empire and inspired life.
We also did a site redesign for the direct sales website as it moves to a publishing platform in 2014. Oh, and my brilliantly gifted designer created a new logo that will go along with this website's re-launch in 2014. Here's a preview.
You might remember the phoenix. We resurrected it from The Renaissance Mom - remember that? I thought it fitting, since my whole life has been about overcoming, rising up from the ashes, and whatnot. The laurel represents achievement, hitting the mark, and the rewards & accolades that come from doing more of your Great Work in the world. I'll tell you more about it in a future post, but recognize that this is a meme for me: owning my dreams and living them fully. THAT is what 2013 taught me and what the focus for 2014 is.
We had a harrowing spring, when a friend of the family was arrested on charges of child sexual abuse - and my youngest was part of all that. We've spent a good deal of the year in recovery mode with him, and he's making amazing progress. My teenager's drama led to more court dates, which revealed even MORE underlying issues that we as a family had no clue about. It was a hellacious year for my family, and I think we've pulled through the hardest part. There's still more court dates to come, but I know we're on the right track, and there don't appear to be anymore oncoming trains on the horizon. My oldest just turned 17, so one way or another that responsibility will not be mine for much longer. His life is truly in his own hands.
"When it all came crashing down in tiny pieces to the ground, I was all alone down here, trapped beneath the atmosphere..."
- Learning To Be The Light
I lost (and lost touch with) a lot of friends through this rough patch. It really helps you get clarity on who's got your back when you're going through tough times. I'm grateful for those friends and family members who really came through in our dark hours this year, and hope I'll be in a place to return the favor at a later date. Those who've fallen by the wayside, while painful, remind me of the wisdom of Dr. Seuss: "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter." I respect their needs to honor their boundaries, and pray they do the same for me and mine.
The upshot of all of this was that I got clarity on what really mattered to me. I got to see how much I matter to my kids and to my husband. I got to see how much I wasn't making myself or my self-care a priority. For as much as I preach on it, I still find myself ignoring my own self-care needs when things get stressful.
In truth, things probably get stressful because I'm neglecting my self-care in the first place. Oh the irony!
But because of all that clarity, I made some big decisions relating to my professional life.
I rolled up the sidewalks on my direct sales coaching practice. For the last 8 years I've been a coach and trainer to the direct selling industry as a solopreneur. It's been fun helping people do their best work and live their dreams. It's also been hard, being on the outside of an industry that's more of an old boy's network than anyone cares to admit. Since I'm not a game player, I've really had to forge my own path - and that's a lonely way to work. Plus, it's not the work I was put on this planet to do. I've gotten good at it. I enjoy it, and I know that God has a different purpose for me. So, after two years of hemming and hawing, and much hand-wringing, I got me a job.
Yep. A w-2 filing, income tax-withholding "j.o.b." - I'm still more or less in the sales arena, but it's more in alignment with my ultimate objective - which isn't to have a job for the rest of my life.
I'm still new here, and one of the youngest turks in the company, but nearly everything I'm doing is right in my wheelhouse. It gives me freedom to travel and, most importantly, allows me to have that financial stability (that I chased for 8 years as a coach) to pursue what God put me on this planet to do: write and perform.
I've been a storyteller my whole life: stories about overcoming adversity, empowerment, and being more than your circumstances. Sometimes I write them (here on the blog, or in books like this one), sometimes I record them (like the 300 songs project), sometimes I perform them live (as an actor or singer). But it's always been about the stories. It took me a good portion of this year to realize that.
My whole life has been about believing in the possibilities of people. That's my Great Work: I believe in people. I inspire people to see the possibility in themselves. I believe in people when they don't believe in themselves. It's a great (and dangerous) gift to have as a coach - and part of why I think I got so good at it. I've always looked at how I can make something happen, instead of why it won't work. But ultimately, coaching isn't the platform I'm supposed to be using to do my great work.
See, just because you're good at something, doesn't mean that's what you're meant to do. It just means you've had a lot of practice at it, and maybe some aptitude. My aptitude, combined with 8 years of practice gave me a strong foundational skill-set... and created a comfort zone that was difficult to step out of.
"...and now everything is falling into place. A brand new life is calling and I owe it all to grace."
- Learning To Be The Light
Yeah. That.
A LOT fell apart this year. Or should I say, it finished falling apart. We dissolved a business in 2012 and FINALLY was able to complete the bankruptcy proceedings this year. Which means, in MANY ways, 2014 is a clean slate.
I got to thinking during my annual planning process, that if it's really a clean slate, what do I want to write on it? How do I really want my life to look as I start down the barrel of turning 40 soon. I had goals and ambitions that I never got around to... until now that is.
There were a lot of nights (and mornings, and lunches) spent in prayer, meditation, & contemplation. I fought with God a LOT, and finally surrendered to a more difficult - and far more satisfying - path for my life. The words that kept coming up for me were "divine alignment" - stepping more fully into who I really am, who God called me to be in the world, and to do more of my Great Work on a global scale.
"You gave me something I want everyone to see."
- Learning To Be The Light
A friend of mine turned me on to this tune by NewWorldSon (thanks, Deb!), and I've listened to it so many times that I think I've burned a groove into my CD. I believe in my core that we're all given at least one Undeniable Gift to put to use for good in this world. This song really speaks to the longing I have in my heart to explore and share my gift with the world.
"Oh God I just want to love on everyone. All I have is Yours to give so let the people come"
- Learning To Be The Light
I know it's not a given that I can just step out onto a stage somewhere and start singing. There's work to be done. I laid some groundwork in 2013. I managed to get my book into the hands of more than 1100 people! I had at least one performance or speaking opportunity in every month of 2013. People got to hear my message - a message I'm still crafting an honing.
Gratefully, people are listening, and telling others, and joining the revolution. It's not just my journey - it's a journey we're all called to make: to own our dreams and share our gift with our world. That's what Divine Alignment is to me, and that's my focus for 2014. You'll hear more about it in coming posts, but for now, I'll let NewWorldSon say it:
"I'm learning to be the light that makes the shadows hide, the light that breaks the curse of pride, the light that takes the weary in it's arms."
- Learning To Be The Light
I was perusing the webosphere during my lunch break today. It's been about 10 years since I've had a corporate job. As an entrepreneur, "lunch break" usually meant "working lunch" or "lunch meeting". The "break" part was sort of ignored - at least for me.
Since I've started working for someone else (my official start date was last Saturday), I'm appreciating why we have those breaks.
I'm still learning how to actually TAKE a break, since I was perusing the web, but that's another topic for another day.
Today though, I wanted to talk about unfulfilled dreams.
It was a sermon given by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., about a month before he was killed. In it, he talks about how David was blessed by God just because he had a vision in his heart (to build a temple) and did his best to see it through - even though it wasn't realized in his lifetime.
Several things came up for me that I want to share with you:
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I really enjoyed the time I spent this year in "the studio" - aka my living room working on songs and learning the ins and outs of the recording equipment. My BHAG of recording 300 songs this year, however, went by the wayside for some very good reasons.
First, I had some major family issues crop up - that we were completely unaware of - that led to serious legal stuff. We're STILL dealing with the legal stuff, and the fallout from the legal stuff may take years to deal with. Family care and safety are top priorities for me, so naturally, I had to make room for those priorities. In the face of the safety of my kids, 300 songs pales grossly in comparison.
Second, we had some wonderful surprises come up. New jobs, new directions, and new opportunities I never could have planned for. That means making room for them if I want to experience them. Again, those 300 songs just weren't as appealing as the other opportunities.
But then, judgement sets in. And I start to think I'm somehow "less than" because I didn't meet my goal. Today's video uncovers the BS of that sentiment.