Have you ever felt like you're not good enough, even though you know you're talented? Are you feeling like you're the only one who hasn't quite figured out this whole "success" thing despite your years of experience and talent? Like you should "be there" by now - wherever that is. Or worse you keep getting overlooked and passed over for other people in your industry who aren't as skilled, qualified, or don't have the same depth of experience as you?
Well, my friend, you might just be an Undervalued Unicorn!
You're probably wondering what the heck an Undervalued Unicorn even is. This is the best way I know how to describe the kind of clients I just adore! An Undervalued Unicorn is someone who is an absolute badass at what they do. They've got years of experience, a list of credentials as long as their arm, and a small army of raving fans that sing their praises. But they haven't gotten the recognition, the rewards, or the respect that they deserve for their genius.
Undervalued Unicorns sometimes fight with Impostor Syndrome, but usually Unicorns know that they are Unicorns - they know how good they are at what they do. It's usually less about feeling like an impostor and more like the sense of impatience and frustration that rise out of the Passed Over Paradox - being overlooked or undervalued by influencers in their field.
Undervalued Unicorns are some of the most innovative, risk-taking, and badass people out there. Because of your unique take on things, it's easy to feel misunderstood or like you're on the outside, looking in. You might feel like the underdog, the misfit, or the black sheep of your industry.
You have an advantage that others don't: you see the world in a different way, and that means you can create things that other people can't even imagine. Maybe it's a new business model, a new product, or a new way of doing things. Whatever it is, you have the power to bring your vision to life!
One of my clients is a perfect example of this. Jamie (not their real name) is a professional with more than ten years of experience in their field - and all the credentials that go with it. They envisioned a future where they would be on television, writing books, and being seen by the world for the expertise that they'd developed in their chosen field.
Jamie was definitely a Unicorn - a remarkable standout in their field - in an almost magical, mythical way. But what made Jamie an undervalued Unicorn was that they were grossly undercharging for their work. They mistakenly believed that they were charging the "going rate" for where they live and couldn't possibly charge more. But that rate wasn't sustainable. Jamie was compromising so much about themselves and the quality of their client experience just to keep that lower rate. Jamie could barely make ends meet when we met, and was ready to flip the tables and quit the career they'd worked so hard to build because they just didn't know how to break through.
Then, Jamie saw a newbie to their field charging nearly double what Jamie was charging - and getting it!
That's when a switch flipped.
Jamie finally realized they were ready to shift their thinking and open their eyes to how those false stories had been holding them back!
Jamie raised their rates and started showing up more visibly in the market. And guess what? The people who already loved Jamie loved this new way of showing up more powerfully. Most were even happy to pay higher rates to keep working with them. Those higher rates also meant that Jamie could afford to be more generous. Jamie created new offers that were financially accessible to people who might not otherwise be able to afford their new rates.
As Jamie's visibility grew, they got getting stopped on the street! Media outlets started seeking Jamie out for interviews. Jamie wrote a book and is now considered one of the foremost authorities in the world on their subject.
After years of working with these undervalued Unicorns, I can tell you that one of the biggest things you need to do is choose yourself. To stop waiting for someone else to pick you and create your own stages and your own opportunities. I know it can be easy to feel like you're not good enough, or just an impostor trying to fake your way to the top, but that's not true. Here's why:
First, Undervalued Unicorns are natural innovators. You don't just accept the status quo - you're frequently looking for ways to improve, to do things differently, maybe even stand out from the crowd in the process.
Unicorns don't fit neatly into any particular box. You're pushing boundaries and exploring new territory. Think about Prince - he was always breaking the rules and doing things his own way, whether it was his name, his fashion choices, or the way he approached music. He didn't care what anyone else was doing, he just did what felt right to him. And that's what makes Undervalued Unicorns so valuable - they're always pushing the envelope and bringing new ideas to the table.
You have a knack for thinking outside the box and coming up with ideas that nobody else has thought of. That's a gift that make a big difference!
Undervalued Unicorns are the mavericks of their industries. They are the rule-breakers, the game-changers, the ones who refuse to conform to traditional norms and instead pave their own path to success. That's not always an easy path, but it sure is rewarding when you can stay the course.
Unicorns aren't afraid to put themselves out there and try something new. Sure, it can be scary as hell, but that's what makes it so thrilling.
When Lady Gaga broke out in the late 2000s, she was unlike anything in pop music at the time. With her wild costumes, theatrical performances, and unapologetic attitude, she quickly became a household name. But Lady Gaga fought tooth and nail to get there.
Yes, her dad offered to pay her rent for a year, but she still had to show up and do the work - or give up on her dream and go back to school. In her own words, “I left my entire family, got the cheapest apartment I could find, and ate shit until somebody would listen.”
About a week before it was time to call it quits, a door opened... then a label signed her. Then they dropped her. But she just kept going. As a songwriter, a background vocalist, whatever it took to keep the lights on and play for one more day. Then, she got picked up by another label and they got her. The label invested in her development and the rest, as they say is history.
Lady Gaga's story is a prime example of the Undervalued Unicorn mentality. She refused to let the industry dictate her success, instead carving out her own path and using her creativity and innovation to get noticed. And it paid off in a big way - today, Lady Gaga is one of the biggest names in music, with a loyal fanbase and a string of hits to her name.
That kind of fearless attitude and out-of-the-box thinking is what sets you apart - and is essential for your success.
And the piece that is often the most difficult for Undervalued Unicorns to embrace is that you create your own path to success. You can't wait around for someone else to hand you an opportunity. Make your own.
I've lost count of the number of times well meaning people have said I couldn't make a living as a creative entrepreneur, or that I should have a "real job" as some kind of "back-up plan". The career I've built for myself is a real job.
Undervalued Unicorns that wait for someone to give them permission or validation are usually frustrated and resentful. It's a harder path, sure, but creating your own path to success is a major advantage in today's crowded marketplace. But having that much autonomy can also feel like a lot of pressure:
"What if I fail? What if it doesn't work?"
Oh, but sweetie... what if you succeed beyond your wildest dreams? What if it does work??
That can be just as scary sometimes.
It's not always easy to be on the front lines, but that's where you need to be if you want the success that seems to be passing you by. Own your badassery. Sure, you may feel like an impostor sometimes - or like nobody sees how hard you're working, but that's not reality. The truth is that you are powerful, talented, and freaking amazing! Take a risk this week and try something new. Show up more YOU than you ever have before - out loud and on purpose!
Believe in yourself. Choose yourself. Because if you don't, why should anyone else?
Mid-January is a depressing time for a lot of folks. In the Northern climes, it's winter, it's bleak, it's a whole lotta meh. But add to that the fact that most people are already giving up on their goals for the year, and it's an even meh-ier time.
Yes. I just said "meh-ier".
Aside from the fact that the most common resolutions of 2018 are too vague and mostly worthless, there are a handful of other reasons why you're likely to bomb out again this year. Oh, if you're not a resolution maker (less than half of the U.S. population actually makes resolutions), this also applies to any goals, intentions, or commitments/re-commitments you might be making in your life or work.
In short, if you want to accomplish anything, these are likely the reasons why you've failed before, and will probably fail again. But take heart, these reasons are also relatively easy to fix, which will make attaining your goals SO much easier.
Think about the number of times Mom had to yell at you to make your bed or pick up your toys before you actually did it. If you're like most kids, a clean house isn't your goal. That's Mom's goal. You want to do anything but clean the house. And yet, like the old saw goes, "if Momma ain't happy, nobody's happy." So you make your bed and clean up your toys. But did you get to do what you wanted to do?
You were focused on someone else's goal. Sometimes, that's an important thing to do. I mean, if my kid is bleeding, all my priorities shift until he is no longer bleeding. My goal and his, in that moment, are the same... even if it wasn't the goal I had in mind at the time.
The problem comes when chasing someone else's goal becomes your way of life.
Here's how it looks: more times than not, you're not remotely focused on what you really want. You're too busy putting out fires or trying to keep someone else happy. There's no time left to consider taking care of what you want. So you just forget about it and stick with what's in your comfort zone. In short, you're no longer a priority (even for yourself).
Or worse, you're living in "the shoulds" - going after what someone else has told you should be your goal - or that you think should be your goal because of where you think you ought to be at this stage in your life/career.
This kind of subtle comparison-itis kills your dreams before you even start.
Instead, you need to get ultra clear on what really matters to you. That's why I created my Dreamblazing program. It helps you define success on your own terms. And The PEACE System helps you translate those priorities into daily action steps. Until you know where you're at and where you're headed, you'll have a hard time getting anywhere.
I've talked a LOT in the past about using ruthless honesty and dropping your judgement to get clarity on your situation. This year, I'm adding "speak your truth" to the mix. It's one thing to acknowledge your truth to yourself, but then you have to speak that truth and live it out in the things you do.
So many people want something, but so few people actually make the shifts required to have what they want because they're too worried about the rest of the world. Which brings me to the second reason you're failing...
Ever try to grow a plant from a seed? You need the right kind and amount of soil, nutrients, water, light, and climate control to get a seed to grow. And even then, sometimes you just get a bad seed and it won't sprout.
But once it sprouts you need to be vigilant. You need to monitor it, nurture it, care for it, or it's going to wither and die.
Goals are like that. If you start your day saying "I'm going to run a marathon!" and you have no suitable shoes, clothes, or training, you're screwed. Can you run a marathon that day? Maybe, but the odds are stacked against you.
On the other hand, if you prepare yourself - with proper training, attire, and the right environment in which to run, you'll have a much better chance of not just running that marathon, but finishing strong as well.
If you don't want to finish strong, why start at all? (Tweet this)
I can give you all kinds of tips to speed your progress toward you goals (I've written about it before), but if you don't set yourself up for success first, you'll have a much harder time completing what you start. The goal will feel more elusive, and you'll feel more stuck around what to do about it.
Let's get unstuck, shall we?
When you look at your goals, get clear (there's that word again!) on what needs to shift in order for you to attain that goal. Clarity is one of the 4 strengths every creative entrepreneur needs to succeed. Do you need to get up earlier? Stay up later? Sleep more? Ask for help? Be honest with yourself about what needs to change in your environment so that you can nurture this little seedling goal of yours! Then commit to those changes. If it feels like there are a LOT of things that need to shift, maybe you're setting the wrong goals. Maybe you need to right-size your expectations. Whatever the case, decide, then commit. And give yourself 90 days to really see it through.
Why 90 days? Statistically speaking, that's long enough to see real progress, but short enough to keep shiny object syndrome or boredom from catching hold. That's part of why I built Accountability Club (A-Club) around the concept of a 30-day goal system. So that you could start any month and run three 30-day cycles toward your dreams and goals. Which is also your clue into reason number 3...
Part of my personal environment is my planning calendar. I set it up so that it works for me. This year, I'm booking my co-working time with A-Club one week at a time. I have my clients book no more than a month out. I set up my calendar to work with my need for some level of flexibility. I'm a Fusion, after all, which means there are times when I need the rigid structure of a Linear, and times when I need more open space like a Chaotic. I can't have the same set schedule all the time.
I learned a long time ago that I needed to get over myself and take care of me the best way I can. It might sound a bit like overkill, but when I'm super busy, I put breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bathroom breaks into my calendar. Why? Because if I don't, something will happen and I'll get stressed out because I don't have time to pee. That's crazy talk. Besides, the only person peeking into my calendar is me, thankyouverymuch, and if that is what I need to do to stay on track with what matters to me, then that's what I'm gonna do.
If you're not scheduling time in your calendar to do the work that moves the needle on your goals, then you're less likely to actually DO anything that will move the needle on your goals. Make and keep appointments with yourself for the things that really matter to you. Take the time for your life. Don't wait around for the scraps.
Listen, I've got a friends who have crazy lives. A kid that's in and out of trouble. A significant other with severe health issues. THEY have health issues. A relationship on the rocks. Money troubles. You name it. But the priorities of their lives get time on their calendar. Time with the kids, time to work out, time to spend with their significant other. They make a point of prioritizing what really matters. Does it always go according to plan? Hell no. But that's not the point. Imagine how much crazier it would be if they didn't even try. like Eisenhower said "Plans are useless. Planning is everything." It's the act of making the plan, of identifying and committing to your real priorities that lights a fire inside you and helps you focus on getting them done.
Which brings me to today's final reason for failure:
Viggo Mortensen plays opposite Sandra Bullock in "28 Days" and there's this scene where his character, Eddie, explains the art of pitching. He tells Sandra's character that your focus needs to be on what you can control, not the strike zone.
Once the ball is out of your hands, there's nothing you can do. And if your focus is on your end result (the strike zone), then you've been putting your energy into what you can't control, instead of all the little things that make the difference in reaching the goal: the way you hold the ball, the way you stand on the mound, the way you pull back, release and follow through. Those are all things you have the ability to influence. Someone else is calling the pitches. All you can do is throw the ball to the best of your ability.
If you can choose, you often have some level of control or influence. THOSE things are where your real goal needs to be.
If you've got a goal of, say, losing 100 pounds, you can't directly effect that strike zone (unless you're going under the knife to cut 100 pounds off your body). But you can influence the direction the scale trends by focusing on the actions that get you closer to your strike zone. So make your goal to walk 3-5 times per week for 30 minutes or more. Or to drink 6-8 glasses of water. Or both. Whatever you know you need to to do move the needle in the direction of your strike zone.
In your business, if you've got an income goal, that's the strike zone, but it's the daily action steps that you take that get you closer to the goal. You can't directly control hitting a million dollars because someone else is involved in making that happen (probably several someones!). But you can control the offers you make, the audience to whom you speak, and the words you use to speak to them. Under normal circumstances, you can choose whether you are open or closed for business.
Set your goal(s) based on the action(s) you can control. Because then you can check off the boxes each week that say "I DID IT!" or not. You'll know whether you did all you could, even if you haven't hit the strike zone yet.
I focused on the strike zone for years! My ex-husband could regale you with tales of the lofty goals I set for myself that I never attained because all I could see was the strike zone and not the action steps that could get me there. But now, I pull out my growth plan every day and I know what I'm playing for. I know that when my clients pull out their growth plans, they're focused on the actions they can influence, versus a "Strike zone" that may or may not actually bring them any joy once they get there. See, that's the thing about goals. We often set them based on some ideal notion of how much better life will be once we get there. And maybe things will be better. Or maybe you'll change your mind mid-year because something better came along. But you don't know that until you start moving.
So start moving. And start accomplishing more of what really matters to you.
If you need help staying the course (and many people DO), consider joining us in A-Club. I'm looking to add no more than 5 new members this month. Why so few? Because intimacy and honesty are important in A-Club. We get vulnerable, and real. We share what's really important, which takes courage and trust. I take time to get to know every single member so that we can be a rising tide for one another. I take this community seriously and would rather watch it grow organically (and slowly) then cram it full of people who just want to pitch their wares to the other members. That's not how we roll. Once we hit 5 new members, we'll halt new enrollments until next quarter.
That's new this year. What else is new this year? I've added Dreamblazing and The PEACE System to the program. Simply put, all those pieces work together, so it didn't make sense to sell them separately. You create a plan, you implement the plan and prioritize daily actions, and then you check in with the group for support, celebration, and accountability. We've also got co-working times scattered throughout the week. Come and go as you please. What hasn't changed is our monthly training call. This month, I'm bringing in Becky Mollenkamp to talk about using LinkedIn to grow your base of Raving Fans. These training calls are still free to listen live as a way to "try before you buy" A-Club. Only members of A-Club get access to the recordings or the other benefits of the group. Want in to this month's training? Get on my mailing list, and you'll get all the details.
Every Halloween, I take a look back on my life and start making plans for the new year. When I was a practicing pagan, this was my New Year's Eve, and I've just kind of stuck with it. This year, it's especially poignant, because so much has changed in the last 12 months. My year-end wrap up and theme song for 2018 is coming later, but today's post takes an intimate look at how I get stuff done even when the shit hits the fan.
[Note: Portions of this post have been edited and excerpted from my book, Creative Freedom: How to own your dreams without selling your soul. Pre-ordering is now available. We're slated for a global release on November 30.]
I've been online for more than 20 years. Back in the mid 90s, I built one of the first-ever e-commerce websites. Animated .gifs were a new-fangled thing back then.
This image took something like 3 minutes to load in the 1990s!
I mention this because I've been around the block a time or two. I've watched Internet marketers come and go (and come back again when the money ran out). In that time I've seen a lot of what works and what doesn't. Not everyone has staying power. Not everyone wants to have staying power. Some people want to fly in, collect their cash, and hit the dusty trail.
As my new book is set to launch, I look back over the past two decades of my business career and I kind of boggle:
That's a large body of work in 20 years. I'm a Fusion Creative, after all, so it makes sense. The kicker is that I'm still relatively unknown. I don't have a publicist, agent, or book deal. I'm not "famous enough" for that. I just show up every day and do the work of serving my right audience. Through trial and error (admittedly, a LOT of error), I've learned what it takes to be productive consistently and stay focused on what's really important to me.
It may seem obvious, but developing the ability to say yes to what really matters and ignoring what doesn't is part art and science. For creative entrepreneurs, it means paying attention to what's driving you and being ruthlessly honest about what you want (and what you don't) - even when other people think you "should" be up to something else, you've got to honor your gut.
I developed the first bits and pieces of this work almost 10 years ago - for myself. I've always been my own guinea pig, in the trenches, testing and experimenting with what works. I kept working on it, honing it, evolving it, and it’s been the constant companion on an otherwise roller coaster life. One of the things people constantly say to me is “I don’t know how you manage to get so much done!”
This is how. There’s no secret here. Plan, do, evaluate. Show up consistently. You want to be a millionaire? There's 5 common sense steps:
Owning your dreams takes effort, and life won’t stop happening just because you’ve stepped out to pursue the life you most want for yourself.
Six years ago, I was knee deep in writing The Secret Watch, building out the characters, getting their back stories straight so that the whole parable made sense. The year prior, my kid enrolled in a wilderness camp for boys with emotional issues. He was there for 25 months as my whole life started unraveling. Doing the work kept me sane at a time when I could have given up completely.
Five years ago, I was inches away from launching that book into the world. It was a process, but when we launched, it became an Amazon best seller. It was also the year my business started falling apart. I was struggling to keep my business and family together and the bad choices I made with a now defunct "business coach" had started catching up with me.
Four years ago, I got my first (and only, so far) 1-star review and sold over 1000 copies of the book in 2 days. It was also the year I probably should have died in a weird car "incident" that gave me a fresh start on life and led to the 300 Songs project. Doing the work allowed me to spin multiple plates, launch dozens of offers during my transition, and keep myself from going off the deep end of depression. To be clear I didn't want to do it; I had to do it.
Three years ago, The Secret Watch broke the top 5000 books on all of Amazon and became a best seller on 3 continents. I recorded my third album, The Fine Line, which outsold my previous two albums combined. I started slacking on doing this work, and it showed in my lack of income and the stress in my marriage. It was also the year I got clear that I couldn't be the glue holding everything together anymore in my family - and all the stress of trying to be that person crushed me.
Two years ago, I discovered the Creative Freedom Entrepreneur Spectrum and started sharing my discoveries. I outlined the book - several times - and started getting interviewed about this new approach to building a profitable, sustainable business doing what you love. We bought a house. It was also the year I asked for a divorce. Doing the work gave me a focus to dig myself out of that hole and rebuild my life and work.
Last year, I launched the Creative Freedom Incubator. Since then, I've helped some smart, talented creative entrepreneurs make a real difference in their worlds. They've increased their revenue, developed profitable offers, and learned how to be the CEO of their business. They've unpacked fears and grown as human beings in ways I'm not even sure they realized were possible. They've also informed much of what I'm teaching in the new book. It was also the year I left everything behind, packed two suitcases to the gills, hopped a one-way flight to Nashville, and stayed with virtual strangers who held space for me in their hearts and home when I had no place else to go. Doing the work gave me a direction and determination to get out of their home before I wore out my welcome. Again, I didn't want to do the work. I'd much rather have spent those months grieving the loss of my marriage.
In the 12 months that followed, I traded my MacGyvered cardboard box furniture and air mattress for a real furniture in my space. I just launched this book that I know will continue to impact many creatives and help them make a living wage doing what they love. The Secret Watch even has a real shot at becoming a motion picture! I have GREAT clients, wonderful new friends, colleagues, and connections, and a life I never believed was possible for a poor mixed kid from the ghetto of Flint. All because I did the work of building a growth plan and executing on it day in and day out. Even when I didn't want to.
Am I where I want to be? Hardly, but looking at where I started this year, I'm proud of what I've managed to accomplish. It's been a great year and hard year in a LOT of ways. I cried at some point every day from the time I landed in Nashville for more than four months! The alone-ness isn't easy for me. I miss my kids, my friends, and family. I miss hugs and being close to people. It's challenging for an extrovert to have so much alone time. And yet, I'm clear that this is what I was called to do, so I'm showing up each day and doing it.
No creative entrepreneur is immune to the need to do the work of showing up consistently in their business and bringing their Great Work to the world. And it’s not without its sacrifices. There are hard choices to make on the regular. There are people to whom you must say no so that you can say yes to others. I think it was Marilyn Monroe that said sometimes good things must fall apart so better things can fall together. For creatives, choosing between to equally viable options can be like deciding which limb to cut off - especially if you’re a Fusion creative. But decide, you must, because you can’t put all your resources into everything. The decisions you make today shape your success tomorrow.
Social media makes it easy to share only the veneer of life - the pretty, polished moments that make our friends envious, jealous, or otherwise disappointed in their own lives. Sure it's great to share the highs of our lives - the fancy dinners and fun nights out - but it's also important to remember that it's only the highlight reel. There's a LOT more that happens when the cameras aren't rolling. My stove explodes. The dishes sit in the sink. My tires need to be replaced. I don't live on the swanky side of town. I let people down. They let me down. We don't always get it right. We're human.
And still, we love, we live, and we strive. That's really all we can do. As creative entrepreneurs, it’s what we must do. We can’t not do this work for long, or it comes a-knocking. Sharing your Great Work with the world isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t have to be torture, either. My hope is that Creative Freedom gives you the clear path you need to own your dreams without selling your soul.
Here's to another trip around the sun for you and me. I look forward to seeing what's in store for both of us!
Every day, we're tasked with thousands of decisions.
How many? Well, Cornell University researchers said we make about 226 decisions just on FOOD in an average day.
The total number for adults is somewhere in the range of 35,000 decisions a day. Many of them are impulsive, and logic-driven (pro/con, etc.), but that's STILL a lot of remotely conscious decision making each and every day of your adult life.
Kids only make about 3000 decisions a day. Ahhh, those were simpler times, right?
Here's a decision making tool that I've used for myself and my clients for years now - one that gets immediate results and gives you clarity when you've probably been feeling stuck on something for a while, maybe even overwhelmed at the prospect of having to choose from several equally appealing (or unappealing, as the case may be) options.
This is just one of the tools you'll be working with in Your Breakout Year - my summer workshop for creative entrepreneurs. This program is designed to help you map out AND implement a clear path to a six-figure annual revenue stream.
THAT piece is the idea/concept/decision that holds the most energy for you, so that's where you need to act first (yes, even if you don't WANT to, which is another thing altogether).
The brain is a funny thing. When we take something out of one modality into another, our brain gets to work on the problem in a different way. By changing the way you assess the situation (from emotional or logical to visual), your brain has a new way of looking at the problem. The old block (which is probably a conflict between emotional and logical) is interrupted and you're able to make a decision so that you can move forward.
Often times, it doesn't matter what you decide, only that you finally make a decision so that you can get momentum again. So even if you "randomly" select a paper ball, you've made a decision and can move forward.
If you're a tactile processor, you might ACTUALLY write each option on a piece of paper and throw them on the floor. But then you've got a lot of cleaning up to do, which is totally NOT my jam. 🙂
Like I said, the messy room technique is is a powerful tool that's quick and easy to use to get clarity now, and get moving again.
Whether you're starting from scratch, been hobbling along at this for a while, or you're ready to expand and add a new revenue stream to your creative business, Your Breakout Year is the exact process I've used with clients - for over a decade now - to help them get clear on what really matters and build out a business model that gets them there faster, with less hustle, and more ease.
Courses and classes alone don't get the job done. You'll just end up with a lot of information and zero implementation. This is an implementation-heavy program because I believe that if you do the work, you'll get results. So doing the work is baked into the program. No "learn now, implement later" in Your Breakout Year. Implement as you learn, decide what works and what doesn't, cut the fluff, and see real financial results in your business.
There are still a few spots left for early bird pricing, and a 4 installment payment option to make it budget friendly.
If you're ready to find your right audience and make good money doing what you love without selling your soul, join me for Your Breakout Year.
This week I had an AMAZING photo shoot that's been several months in the making. I knew when I landed in Nashville, starting over would take up a good portion of my first year here. I also knew that I had projects that still needed to move forward: I've been sitting on Creative Freedom for a while now, and The Damn Whippersnappers have promised to visit this summer for a recording session. So with a new book and new music in the works, of COURSE I needed to get the website redone.
Only, I didn't know anyone in this town, so I had no idea how long I'd have to wait, how much it would cost, or anything. Luckily, my best friend, Google helped me out. I met Emily, a wardrobe stylist from Effortlesstyle here in Nashville. She came over, looked at my closet and said "let's just start from scratch, okay?"
hee. hee.
While I know how to clean up, I've never been at the bleeding edge of style, and I told her that. My closet is full of black, black, and more black - with a splash of solid color here and there. So I gave her a budget and she went to work. A week or so later, we met for the fitting. There was really only one piece I couldn't bring myself to like. Everything else was wonderful - and a lot of it I wouldn't have picked for myself. Like this floral top. When I first looked at it, all the voices in my head took a swing at me:
"Oh, you're too big to wear white!"
"That floral print is just going to draw all kinds of attention that you don't want."
I swallowed hard when she showed it too me. I knew Emily could sense my reluctance. "Just try it on." she politely insisted.
I did. We found a keeper.
I had just raised my threshold of belief around what was possible for my wardrobe. Emily's a professional that's been doing this for years. Despite that, it was hard to trust her at first because I didn't know her. I didn't believe she could style a plus-sized momma like me.
Luckily, she made it easy to like her, and her ensemble choices were on point, so trust came quickly.
Which was good, because the hair and makeup artist I had originally asked to do the shoot booked herself another appointment and was unable to make our shoot date. It wasn't her fault. I was trying to coordinate all the details myself, and things didn't come together. Frantic, I asked Emily if she had any suggestions.
Panic turned to relief, but I had no idea how much I'd be paying for TWO people instead of one.
I swallowed hard again, and just trusted the process.
I arrive at Emily's house on the day of the shoot for hair and makeup. Mind you, two total strangers are about to have their way with my head. The ONLY thing keeping me from not showing up is the commitment I made to my photographer, Ashley.
That, and I trusted Emily. She hadn't steered me wrong yet, so I figured she wasn't going to start now.
I knock on the door, walk in, and I'm greeted by two of the sunniest, most enthusiastic women I've ever met. Both hard-working artists, both incredibly talented. Both eager to make magic happen.
Why did I ever doubt Emily?
Within minutes they are both working on me: Angela at the front, Genia at the back. We're chatting, really connecting, and they're making it easy for me to trust them. But...
I don't even know how much time has gone by, I can't see a mirror, and I'm still too nervous to eat any of the snacks Emily's put out for us. I did manage to down a glass of water, because I kept telling myself "it's gonna be hot outside, you don't want to die of heat stroke!"
Still, I think I managed to keep my self-doubt to myself as we talked about building a business doing what you love, something I'm pretty passionate about. My fear was, hopefully, masked by my enthusiasm for profitable creative businesses.
When they finished, I snapped a quick photo of my glam team and off we went to meet Ashley at Cumberland Park. When I got in my car, I had all I could do to keep from crying. I looked GOOD! Like, I almost didn't recognize myself. I had a vision of what I wanted for the shoot, and even hired Duane "The Hair Fairy" Edlao to cut my hair before I met these ladies to make sure that it would do what we wanted it to do. But to see it actually come to life?
Whoa.
We headed off toward Nissan Stadium to meet Ashley for the shoot. This is the first time we've met in person, and she looks happy, so I'm feeling more relaxed at this point. She's got some ideas about how to get in all the wardrobe changes and make the most of our time together.
The first few pictures felt awkward to me - because my inner critic was having her way.
There was a couple sitting at a picnic table across the way. They both stopped and looked up as my entourage pulled up with all our gear. I joked about being famous, but inside I was a self-conscious mess.
Despite these women all being super talented professionals, my inner critic was having her way with me. I told Ashley to "just shoot everything" because I knew that candid moments would probably end up making the most "natural" shots, plus we'd get some behind-the-scenes shots, too, which would be great for me to share with my clients in A-club. In truth, I was just hoping that, if she shot everything, there might be something that I could use.
Good thing Emily was listening, because she took some great candids, too. Like the shot of Angela, above, touching up my face, or this one, which is quickly becoming one of my favorites.
When I saw the first photo, I knew I was in good hands and I could relax. That's when we had REAL fun!
We joked, got silly, and just enjoyed being together - creatives whose only agenda was to create. Make magic happen. That was all we had to do, and when we could really let loose and trust each other, poof! The magic was there naturally.
The rest of the hour-long shoot went by fast, and it really felt like we were a team - working together to tell a compelling visual story. I look forward to seeing the proofs that Ashley took. Here's a sneak peek from the back of Ashley's camera...
This photo shoot was a massive investment in the future of my company, and it would be easy to just stop there...
...But that would be the least important part of the story.
As the pictures started appearing, people on Facebook started asking me what the shoot was for. It was easy to say "new book, new album, new website," but that wasn't entirely true. It was also a "new me" of sorts.
In the past, I would have tried to DIY as much as possible and keep everything on the cheap - not to be efficient or save money (though those are the excuses I would have used), but because of my own self-worth.
I put at least ten times the money into this shoot than any other shoot I've ever done. I'm not saying that to brag. I still feel strange about it, to be honest. I tell you this because there was a time in my life where I didn't believe I was WORTHY of investing "that kind of money" in me or my dreams.
Some days, I still struggle with my worthiness.
My early photo shoots were courtesy of my kid, or good friends who were skilled with a camera. I actually hired a photographer and hair/makeup artist for my last shoot because I wanted to get some specific shots for the album. I was leery then about spending "that kind of money" on a project that had no guarantee of completion, let alone success. But I was so happy with the results that I used those pictures all over the interwebs for a couple of years.
This time, I had a team of three incredible women who had my back the entire time (four, counting my photographer!). They probably had no idea of the "who do you think you are?" trash talk my inner critic was laying on me. At least, I hope they didn't. I am thrilled that they made it SO easy for me to just be ME in front of the camera.
The next day, I was talking with one of my coaches about my book, online course, and live event all built around the foundation of Creative Freedom. One of the last things she said to me was about the pricing for my upcoming event. I've been in a holding pattern for WEEEEEEKS because I haven't been able to decide how to price it or how and when to offer the online version. I told her I feel confident that I could easily charge twice the price because I believe it'll bring a solid 5-10x return on investment, but I was keeping the intro rate low because I wanted to fill the program (totally an ego thing, by the way).
When she looked at my pricing and asked about my motivations, she reminded me that sometimes, when we offer discounts and low-ball our pricing, it doesn't actually empower our clients, because we're modeling a behavior that comes from a place of scarcity instead of abundance. She then asked me "what if, by lowering your prices, you're denying your clients from having the same experience you just had at your photo shoot?"
Eyes Opened.
If you've got a healthy relationship with money, this probably doesn't apply to you, but if you struggle with naming a price that feels right to you because your inner critic is asking "who will pay that?" - this could be helpful.
The answer to the "who will pay that?" question isn't found in the circle of people you've been begging to buy from you. The answer is found in the faces of the people who light up when you enter the room and say "where have you been all my life!?!?"
Sadly, most of us build our careers around the former and not the latter.
This is one of the reasons I encourage my clients to develop a $25,000 offer... not because anyone will ever buy it (though it does happen), but because it gets you thinking differently, so that when you offer something for $2k or $5k, you'll feel more confident around the real value you bring to your work.
What could happen (for you and your potential clients) if you just created and asked for the price you want without all the baggage attached?
Because it doesn't matter what price you pick, there will always be someone that can't or won't pay it. But there are also probably a few people who will.
Owning your dreams, without selling your soul. Finding yourself and building a life and business that works for who you really are and what really matters to you. Making good money doing what you LOVE (and all the ladies from my shoot love what they do). THAT is what Creative Freedom is about, and I can't wait to share more of this new evolution with you.
Oh, and tickets for the virtual workshop and online event will be on sale soon. If you're not already on my list, get there to be one of the first to know about it!
"You can't win if you don't play."
Mom used this sentence to justify a lot of behavior when I was a kid: learning to ride a bike, auditioning for plays, joining the cross country team (I took 11th place in the city meet). And yes, mom played the lottery. She had a winning streak where, with a little help from technology and lottery dream books, she won several days each week for a few weeks. Naturally, those words rang through my head every time I was faced with a risk-reward decision.
Until this week.
If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you may have already heard about how I found this lottery ticket on the ground while I was on a field trip with my kid. I thought it was trash (LITTERBUGS! ARGH!), so I picked it up to throw away when we got to the car.
But when I saw it was a lottery ticket, I figured I'd check the numbers when I got home, just in case.
I won the BIG money, honey! TWO WHOLE DOLLARS! WOO HOO!!
Every morning, I sit down to do The PEACE System (a process I created to help clear my head and prioritize my day). Because field trips can be stressful - particularly with a special needs kid - I made a point of setting the intention to look for miracles.
Frankly, a well-behaved child would have qualified as a miracle in my book. I certainly wasn't expecting free money to fall at my feet. But hey, I'll take it!
I asked for (and was looking for) a miracle, and I got it. And the kid behaved, too!
You've probably heard stories about people who say "I won the lottery and it changed my life." Never did I think I'd be one of those people, since I don't play the lottery.
But winning those two bucks most certainly changed my life. If you want to test out your luck as well, you can go to sites like 바카라 사이트, for example.
"You can't play if you don't win" is a double-edged sword. In a way, I did "play" because I picked up the ticket and cashed it in. But in a way I didn't play, because I didn't actually buy the ticket. It wasn't even given to me (in the traditional sense). And the person that dropped the ticket probably thought it was a "loser" because they played $10 and "only" won $2. They lost money on the deal.
But from my perspective, I was $2 richer!
The last 18 months have been arduous and hard for me on a lot of fronts. At some point, I probably faced down some depression, though I was never clinically diagnosed. I've done a LOT of questioning my worth, my value, and why I'm really on this planet in the first place.
Two dollars won't even buy me a soda at my local restaurant, let alone pay my rent, but it was a sign. A clear sign that miracles are there if we are looking for them. I know that sounds kind of mystical and metaphysical, but it's true. I found that money because I was looking for it.
Well, I was looking for a miracle, and I chose to see this "win" as a miracle.
You have to have your eyes open and show up.
You have to be willing to go for what matters to you - even if it seems unreasonable. Even if it seems impossible. If it's in your heart to have it, you have to be courageous enough to show up for it. And keep showing up consistently.
In that respect, Mom was right: you can't win if you don't play.
But she was also wrong. I won without playing "the game" (by society's rules, at least). That little lottery ticket opened a Pandora's box of questions about the "teaching" that's been passed down through my family for generations. The "lessons" and "stories" that, in a previous era, had to be true for survival no longer serve the person I'm becoming in this era of creative entrepreneurship.
In the past, if you didn't "play by the rules", you wouldn't be taken seriously, and you probably wouldn't even get a foot in the door, let alone win. There were gatekeepers, expectations, and unwritten "rules" that were foisted on you by your industry, society and "the world". These rules were designed to keep certain people out, and to protect the survival of others. You had to play their way, or you simply couldn't play.
Now, you have a lot more latitude to define success on your own terms and not just survive, but thrive. You can create your own career, doing what you love, and make good money doing it - without selling your soul. That's the entire premise of how I help my clients!
Those old stories that once served to protect, inspire, and motivate me, had been holding me back from the life and career I was meant to have. I couldn't see that until I won the lottery.
What thoughts, beliefs, and stories do you hold as true, that might actually be limiting your success without you even realizing it? Untangling those beliefs and thought patterns can be tough, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.
But here's the other thing that rattled my brain. I won $2. Winning anything was contingent upon someone else. Somebody else played the game, bought the ticket, left it on the ground. At least three other people walked right past the ticket before I picked it up. In short, I had no control over the outcome. All I could do was be in the right place at the time of the miracle.
Miracles are awesome, and they can feel magical. But they are, in many ways, unpredictable - even if you're looking for them. You don't know when they'll arrive, or in what form, and sometimes it's hard to know if it even is a miracle until well after the fact. Sometimes the worst thing that ever happened to you is actually a blessing in disguise... a miracle you won't see until years later.
In life, we can wait for others to open doors for us, or we can make a plan and get sh*t done. (Tweet This)
Waiting around for miracles is the snail's path to success. Can it happen? Sure! I just won the lottery, for crying out loud! But, I only won $2, because that's all the ticket was worth. Someone else got to dictate the terms of my success. I could only win what they played and paid for.
I don't want someone else to dictate how successful I can be. I don't want someone else to have that much influence over my success journey. I mean, I won't turn away blessings when they show up - even the $2 variety - and I'm not going out of my way to play the lottery, either.
I know I can't control everything - and some might say that control, like safety, is an illusion. But if I set an intention and follow it with consistent action, I'm going to move the ball further down the field more often than the guy standing around, waiting for a winning lottery ticket to fall at his feet.
Will there be setbacks? Most likely. As we all know, the so-called "overnight success" stories usually involve a lot more preparation and hardship than we realize. As Thomas Edison famously said, "opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
I'm no stranger to hard work, although I'd like to be. 🙂
There were other gems of discovery that I'm still unpacking, and I'm sure you could tease out a few lessons of your own from this story, but ultimately, while I welcome all the miracles and blessings coming my way, I'm not going to sit on the sidelines and wait for them. I'm going to keep showing up, sharing my Great Work, and defining success on my terms. Not my mom's terms, or the terms of my ancestors, or even the terms of my fans and clients.
My game is the only game that matters for me. It's a game I'm happy to play, and one I can't lose, because I make the rules.
[Note: This is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, Creative Freedom. If you'd like to be part of the advance team and get more sneak peeks of the book, contact me for more info.]
There's a quote often attributed to John Lennon:
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
Dreams are kind of like that. It sounds trite, I know, but the reality is that if something really matters to you, there are really only two things that will prevent you from pursuing it in some way:
1. Death (in which case, you're no longer dreaming).
2. Something else that matters more (in which case, it's no longer your dream).
Death is fairly self-explanatory, so we'll leave that here and explore option two.
When I was a kid, I fancied myself as the next Madonna or Paula Abdul. I was a pretty good singer, and I spent countless hours practicing dance routines for the world tour I imagined I would lead once I became a rock star. I studied music at college, got a degree, and even moved west in pursuit of that dream.
Then life happened: single motherhood, relocation, marriage, second kid, etc.
For years, while my dreams of professional achievement languished, I put my focus, energy, and money into being a wife and mom. That was my priority. I made it so. I chose that life over pursuing my dream.
There are all kinds of "reasons" I could give as to why I made that choice. Here are a few:
Ultimately, I let guilt, shame, and fear dictate my priorities. Choosing to be seen in a certain light (by my family, friends, and children) were more important to me than pursuing my dreams.
So I didn't.
For more than a decade, my dreams sat in a metaphorical box on a shelf in the attic of my soul. I didn't touch my musical instruments (I owned seven). I didn't even play the radio much. Music was all but absent in my life, with one exception: community theater.
I was somewhat of a fixture at the local theater. Ted, the Artistic Director, knew I was talented and a hard worker, so I was practically guaranteed a role every season. Usually not the lead, but something that allowed me to be in the spotlight, share my gifts, and get me out of the house a few nights a week during the run of the show.
That was my "fix" and, for a while, it worked. I was happy to contribute and be part of something that gave me a small glimpse into the life I wasn't ambitious enough to pursue because of other "reasons".
A friend and I had approached Ted about doing a holiday musical revue. He loved the idea. As we began rehearsals, Ted told me that ours would be the last show produced at the theater. After 15 years, he was closing his doors.
At first, it didn't register how much I depended on Ted and this rag-tag bunch of musical misfits. We all had "other lives" that kept us busy - teachers, lawyers, service workers, college students - but on Ted's stage we were all equals. We were all craftsmen.
We were family - and Ted was breaking up the band, so to speak.
I didn't realize, until recently, how important that creative outlet was for me. It was my primary source of adult conversation and a safe space to practice my art. It was also a happy-medium for a married mom of two with responsibilities and "reasons" that kept me from pursuing my dream.
And then it was gone.
I briefly toyed with the notion of taking over the theater, but my life and financial situation at the time just couldn't swing it. That's when everything in my life started to unravel. My kid ran away and ended up in jail, we filed bankruptcy, I lost my car, my home, and I hit the skids - quite literally.
I was driving my husband's car on the freeway. As I started to change lanes, it spun out of control. I threw my hands into the air as the car swished and fishtailed across three lanes, landing in the ditch, facing oncoming traffic. I looked up just in time to feel the rush of wind as an 18-wheeler sped past.
Somehow, I was still alive. Unscathed. Awake. The car had stalled out, but was otherwise fine. A Freudian moment.
I reasoned with myself that I should probably be dead. The only reason I survived was because, as Lennon put it, it's not the end.
So why I was still alive? What was this wake-up call all about?
God talks to me in the voice of James Earl Jones - very deep, precise, and clear. Each morning for a few weeks, I posed the "why am I still alive?" question during my sacred practice. One day the notion to spend a year working on a new album crossed my mind. That thought led to doing 100 songs - just 2 songs a week. That's when Darth Vader boomed in.
"300 songs!"
I've learned not to argue when my inner Darth starts talking. So I started on the journey that has now become my 300 songs project.
Jim Rohn famously said "Become a millionaire not for the million dollars, but for what it will make of you to achieve it." About 100 songs into the project, it became clear that it was less about the number of songs, and more about who I was becoming in the process of making them.
I was unpacking my dusty box of dreams, recalling the value of these old treasures - some of which still had meaning for me, others from which I was finally ready to move on. I pulled out those old songs, those dance routines, and I had to decide what my dream really was.
See, your dream is relentless. It persists even when you don't want it to. You almost can't let it go because it keeps coming back to haunt you. Fantasies, on the other hand, are something that you can plow a lot of time, energy, and money into, but at the end of the day, you feel a relief to let it go.
Dancing was like that for me. I still love to dance, but I'm almost 100 pounds heavier than I was when I dreamed of being the next Paula Abdul. While I'm working on getting into better shape, the thought of re-conditioning my body to the level of a professional dancer feels like a punishment worse than death!
When I gave up on the dream of becoming a dancer, I felt unimaginable relief. Can I still dance? SURE, but on my terms - without the pressure of maintaining a dancer's body.
Becoming the next Paula Abdul or Madonna was my fantasy, entertaining and inspiring people is my dream.
In fact, I can't imagine my life without a spotlight and inspiration in some way, but if I could never dance again, I don't think I'd cry too much about it. As a kid, I believed that's what I should do, if I wanted to be famous. I should learn to sing, act, dance, and play an instrument - and be good at all of them. That way, I've got a much better chance at "stardom".
But as I unpack this box of dreams as an adult, it isn't about the "shoulds" of the world around me. I'm older now, and while I still care what people think of me, it matters far less than it did a decade ago when my roles defined me.
Those priorities don't matter like they used to. I stopped defining myself by what I couldn't have and began to shift my focus to what I really wanted - what truly mattered to me.
And that's the point. When something else - even fear - matters more than honoring the Divine call of your dream, you'll try to ignore it. But if it really matters to you, it will not remain silent. It will fight to be heard. It will wake you from your anesthetized way of living. It will violently shake you - with the force of an 18-wheeler - until you make a choice.
Then you will find a way to pursue it - in stolen moments while the kids are at school, or while waiting on hold with the power company. You'll get up early, stay up late, and make any excuse you can to take even the smallest step toward realizing your dream.
Or you will choose to let it go. No longer a priority. No longer the dream it once was. In which case, it's not your dream anymore, so it no longer needs pursuing.
Mourning the loss of a dream, or letting it go joyfully (your choice) is not uncommon. Kids do it every day, with much less drama and heartache. They find something new that captures their imagination, and they pursue it until it's not worth pursuing anymore. Everything they pick up and put down acts like a filter, helping them draw closer and closer to what it is that really matters to them.
For me, dance and drama led me to refine my skills as a storyteller, a performer, and to be more comfortable in my skin - critical skills that make me a better musician, author, and coach. For a time, I thought dancing was part of my dream. Dancing wasn't my dream, but it pointed the way.
Will your dreams always manifest the way you envisioned? Not likely. But that won't deter you if it's really your dream. Many are the stories of elderly men and women who found success with their dreams much later in life. Who cares how long it takes? The pursuit is part of the work of building the dream in the first place.
And should there come a time when other choices, other goals, other priorities truly do matter more than your dusty old dream, then pack it away for a time, pass it on, or simply let it go.
In the end, whatever you choose will be okay. And if it's not okay...
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Feeling stuck and unsure of your direction? I am honored to be co-hosting a webinar on May 12 with Tajci Cameron that might help. Tajci's a former Croatian pop star who left it all to try her hand at the American Dream, only to get stuck herself. Join us as we explore the steps she took to awaken to joy and purpose in her life and break the cycle of pain and fear that was holding her back. Click here to meet Tajci and register for this special event!
Catch the previous posts here: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4
Welcome to Day 5 of the Creative Freedom Challenge!
Today's topic is dangerous, and muy importante. As a coach and trainer myself, it's a bit sacrilegious for me to suggest that spending mucho dinero on some guru's "blueprint" or training program is a bad idea. I mean, I offer my own programs and services to help creative entrepreneurs build profitable businesses, so why would I put my own business in jeopardy by saying something like this?
For one, I make a point of telling my clients that no one approach will work for everyone, and that my programs are built on frameworks - customizeable elements that you can modify based on who you are and what really matters to you.
For another, not everyone needs a coach, a program, or a blueprint. Period. Sometimes you're already on the right path, you just need more time to get where you're headed. Confucius said "it does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop."
Blueprints have their place. But they're not the be-all, end all of your business building efforts.
Around 1920 in my hometown, General Motors established a house-building division to provide housing for all the new factory workers coming to live and work there. The Modern Housing Corporation built homes across industrial America using a handful of designs. In my old neighborhood, there were just three different house plans on my street - but every house was as unique as the owner that lived in it.
This is where architects begin. But they can only take you so far. And it completely lacks in any personality until you put your fingerprint on the design. Sure, you'll know exactly how to build a house that has a certain structure, but then what? The blueprint doesn't tell you anything about the neighborhood the house is being built in, the furniture or paint that will decorate it, or the people that will live in it once it's complete.
If you've ever lived in a house that just didn't work for you, you understand this problem intimately!
If you're further along than "just starting out", you probably don't need a blueprint. What's more, in business, more often than not, a blueprint only helps with a skill set - it shows you a particular way to do something related to building your business... like how to do a webinar, how to build a mailing list, or how to grow an audience.
All those things are great, but you need to also understand how they work together in YOUR unique situation. Depending on the Great Work that you do, you'll need a strategy to implement several tactics. Should you send a weekly email, or will you need to use video? Do you need a large audience, or do you prefer something more intimate? What about social media? And joint ventures, and blogging, and....
...you get the picture.
In my decades in the online world (I built one of the first e-commerce websites back in the 1990's!), I've learned how to do LOTS and LOTS of things. I've learned and used LOTS of different tactics, strategies, platforms, and tools to support and grow my businesses. But deciding which ones to use (and how much, and when) are like the interior design of a home. I had to figure out what worked for me.
You'll have to do the same for yourself.
Yes. I said HAVE to. If you want to stop being a best-kept secret (or worse, a commodity), you need to "decorate" with your own flair. You need to find what works for who you are, who you serve, and how you want to show up in the world.
But that doesn't have to be as hard as it sounds.
Inventory Your Tools & Skills
Think about all the tools & skills you need to to your Great Work and bring it to the world. Start building a list and make special note of the ones that you enjoy.
Bookkeeping, design, email marketing, webinars, craft shows... whatever it is, just start building a list. Me? I love performing, but I don't always like rehearsing. Both are important to bring my Great Work into the world, but performing gets a special "hell yeah" from me.
It could be you like working in-person vs. online, mid afternoon vs. evenings, or that you couldn't live without your email list or bridge line. Maybe you like twitter over facebook, bookkeeping over customer service, or the phone over Skype. Maybe you really haven't figured out what makes your heart sing, but you have an inkling that some things are working better for you than others.
You might have also tapped into some less tangible resources. One of the first students in the Creative Freedom Apprenticeship listed "positivity" as one of her resources. You might find that you can't live without positive people, or a sense of freedom. These less tangible resources are just as important as your physical tools of the trade - sometimes more so.
The point of this list is to give you more clarity (Yay! Clarity!). This is the short list of what works for who you are and what you're up to right now. And yes, that list is bound to change over time because YOU change over time. Don't get married to it, and don't start making sweeping changes because of it. For now, the awareness is enough.
But what about the tools and resources that aren't a good fit?
Here's where I want you to start thinking beyond yourself.
It's also incredibly smart and a great way to encourage greatness in others. Don't believe me?
POP QUIZ: Without Googling, can you tell me the name of Leonardo da Vinci's teacher?
Most people, if they're not travelling in art circles, can't tell you a thing about Verrocchio. If they do know him, he's most often referred to as "da Vinci's teacher"
It's like when the teachers at my son's elementary school knew me as "Forest's mom." For them, my identity didn't exist beyond their knowledge of my kid. It didn't matter that I was a musician with multiple albums to my credit, or that I've helped clients double or triple their income, launch best-selling books, and create entirely new revenue streams for their businesses (plus reduce the amount of time they need to spend managing things).
Nope. I was just "Forest's mom" to them.
Verrocchio was a master in his own right: sculptor, painter, goldsmith. People paid hefty sums to have their children study with him.
Verrocchio's method was simple: he'd start a project and leave it to his apprentice to finish it up. In that way, the apprentice learned how to paint, sculpt, or smith exactly the way Verrocchio did.
With so many Verrocchio clones out there, competition would drive prices down. So rather than compete on price, Verrocchio kept his students employed in his own studios. Verrocchio's students were able to make a decent living by replicating Verrocchio's style. Essentially, his students became his clones... for a fraction of Verrocchio's rate.
Verrocchio made a great living teaching and paying other artists to paint, sculpt, and smith the same way he did. He was able to leverage his time and money well enough to have multiple studios in Europe.
There's nothing wrong with following a blueprint. Blueprints can be very important. They do what they're designed to do, that's why people use them. Verrocchio's "blueprint" was a model for making a living creating art other people would pay for. It worked, which is why so many people paid him to teach his craft to their children. All they had to do was follow "the master's blueprint" and they were practically guaranteed a job in Verrocchio's studio for life.
This dude could not be contained! Sure, he learned the Verrocchio "blueprint", but he didn't limit himself to being just a painter or a sculptor.He learned the principles behind Verrocchio's teaching, then applied them in his own way. His unique gift was in seeing the world through fresh eyes.
daVinci's sketch books are filled with drawings and concepts that would have made Verrocchio roll over in his grave. "A flying machine? Che Idiota!"
da Vinci's ideas didn't fit the blueprint, but they represented who da Vinci wanted to be in the world.
So Leonardo da Vinci broke out of Verrocchio's mold and forged his own path outside the studio.
There's a time and a place for a blueprint. But at some point, the student becomes the master and must forge their own path. Just as you need to become the master of your own work, there are "students" of your Great Work, too. You might call them fans or clients, but they're all wanting to experience what you have to offer.
You don't have to do it all on your own, either. Verrocchio had plenty of apprentices in his studios. But you don't have to "clone" yourself to get great help.
Which is where Edison comes in.
Another great inventor, Edison spent every waking minute working on his projects. He was passionate and deeply committed. His wife would sometimes give him a hard time about sleeping at the laboratory. But if he hadn't put in all those hours (and nearly 1000 failed attempts to sustain electric light), we might not have many of the technological advances we take for granted today.
Film, music, and even the Internet owe much to Mr. Edison.
Yet, even with all the hours Thomas Edison put into his Great Work, he knew he couldn't do it all himself.
In fact, many of his greatest inventions were possible because of the team of scientists and inventors that worked with him.
Collaboration and Creation
This is the core of creative entrepreneurship. When you're able to trust your team to co-create and collaborate with you, you get more than just Verrocchio's brand of "discounted copies". You get lasting relationships, you make progress faster, and you can leverage your time in meaningful ways.
Edison didn't just leave his Great Work to his cloned minions. He leveraged his time by bringing in smart, savvy people (like Tesla) so that he could do the things that only Edison could. Edison understood the value of a team, but unlike Verrocchio, he also understood that when great minds come together, a greater mind is created. There's power in collaboration - when you bring together brilliant minds to handle and even improve upon the work you're doing. He didn't always agree with those minds (which is why Tesla left), but he created space for collaboration.
Edison had a vision to illuminate the entire Eastern seaboard and eventually the entire country.
Remember the Artisan trap? If Edison didn't have a team, he'd have spent all his time making and installing lightbulbs instead of focusing on how to market and sell his vision of electricity in every home across the country. In fact, if he had stayed the course, we'd be running on DC power, instead of the more efficient AC power developed by one Tesla. Because Edison was willing to let his collaborators explore other ideas, Tesla eventually left Edison, and took his AC ideas where they had a better chance of implementation.
While Edison is credited on 1093 patents in his lifetime, it didn't happen without the collaborative team working in his lab in Menlo Park. Edison fostered an environment of creative collaboration.
For some creative entrepreneurs, that sounds scary. "What if someone steals my ideas?" Yeah. It happens, but not nearly as often as you think.
Look, you can't play all the instruments in the band. You need to be willing to ask for and accept help appropriately. Sure, your piano player might move on to a new group, but without his help now, your band won't be playing anywhere.
Be willing to ask for (and accept) help in bringing your Great Work to your right audience. As the African proverb says "If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together." It's worth noting that sometimes, when you work together, you can go farther faster.
If you're ready to jump into the Creative Freedom Apprenticeship, click here to learn more and get registered. Our next session begins soon!
Welcome to Day Four of the Creative Freedom Challenge. Here are links to Day One, Day Two, and Day Three so you can stay on track.
Today, I'm sharing an example of heart-centered marketing in action using what I call the "show & tell technique" It's a great way to bake the marketing right into your offering, and what better business to demonstrate this than a donut shop?
But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, let's talk baseball... sort of.
The movie "Field of Dreams" has been both an inspiration and a thorn in the side of creative entrepreneurs since its release in 1989. It's fun to fantasize about the throngs of people that will come to take part in and appreciate your Great Work in the world.
But what most people miss is the effort Ray Kinsella had to undertake before he ever made a dime with his ball field. In fact, he didn't even PLAN to earn a living from the field. He just kept hearing this voice telling him "if you build it, he will come."
(Notice, that little voice was only talking about one person? That's important to note.)
When many creative entrepreneurs first start out, they don't intend to make a living doing what they love, so this part of Ray's story is all too familiar for most of us.
Ray's neighbors in Iowa thought he was crazy when he started mowing down his corn, stringing lights, and building bleachers. MONTHS went by before Shoeless Joe appeared in the field (the first ghostly ball player from beyond the corn). It took even more time before enough players came to field a full team. By that time, Ray and his family were on the brink of losing everything. It's not until Ray's friend and daughter tell him that he could sell tickets and "people will come" that Ray understands what he's created.
This is the third issue I see so many creative, out-of-the-box entrepreneurs face in doing what they love and getting paid for it... they forget about the fact that it has to make a profit or it's not a business.
There's nothing wrong with plowing your cornfield under to build a ball field, just for the sake of having a ball field. But if you don't want to lose your farm, you need to find a way to make a living from it. And I don't mean squeaking by. I mean a profitable, sustainable living - without selling your soul.
You've got to let people know what you're up to. You have to be willing to put in the effort (and use heart-centered marketing to tell people about it), in order to see real, lasting results. Sure, there are folks that will think you're a little crazy - they said that about Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs, Thomas Edison, and a host of other out-of-the-box entrepreneurs, too! But if you're doing your part to let people know about what you've built, the right people will find you.
And they're going to LOVE you.
But what do you say? How do you tell people about your Great Work?
Smart, authentic selling isn't about pushing anyone or being slimy. Authentic selling is part of heart-centered marketing. It's the part of the conversation where you share your story about your offering with the people who most need or want what you have to offer.
You don't always have to tell the story. Sometimes, you can show it. Remember show and tell time at school as a child? I was always bummed when I forgot to bring my thing to show. Telling is fine, and I'm a pretty good talker, but when you can show - when people can experience your Great Work in a context that amplifies the meaning - it's a lot easier for people to say yes.
When I used to make and sell candles, we would regularly do craft shows where we weren't the only candle maker at the event. Sometimes, we had to compete with corporate competitors, too. Our display stood out because we used our vertical space to elevate the fragrances and make our little booth look more like a shop than a table of crafts. People could see us from across the room. We used twinkle lights to create motion and catch the eye. In short, we did everything we could to show our product in the best possible light (no pun intended).
It doesn't matter what your Great Work is. The more you can show (create an experience) the easier it is to sell.
A couple hours from where I live is a place called Cops and Doughnuts. When the Clare City Bakery was about to go belly up, a group of local cops bought it and transformed the little bakery into a mouthpiece for the community. The entire shop has a law enforcement theme (here's my "mug shot" from one of my multiple visits to the shop). The staff dress like convicts, the bathrooms look like jail cells (it's a poster they hang on the doors), and the cops wear their police uniforms. They've been written up in national publications and people come from all over the world to visit their little bakery and try one (or more) of their tasty pastries. It's quite an experience!
When you walk in, there's a huge display case with all kinds of interesting treats (including a cream-filled maple bar that's topped with bacon - no kidding!). The cops will interact with you, ask you questions, and make you feel welcome. They might even take a video of you singing and post it on their social media channels. They'll tell you about their different doughnuts and help you decide which flavor is right for you.
It's so much fun, and you never feel pressured to buy anything. Just helpful, engaging conversation about buying (and selling) coffee and doughnuts at the Clare City Bakery.
Show and tell at its finest.
What would happen if the employees dressed like every other doughnut shop employee? Or what if the cops put a curtain in front of the display case? How would you know what they've got to offer? Sure, the sign says "doughnuts" but most people want to know what options they have before they buy. I don't know many folks who walk in and say "Gimme a dozen doughnuts. Surprise me."
Smart, authentic selling shares the real you (warts, sparkles, and all) and removes the curtain from your display case so your potential buyer knows what you offer and how it can help (or delight) them.
It's not always about "solving a pain" - although I suppose if you're REALLY craving bacon you might make a case for that maple bar. As a musician, my music can inspire people and create delight. Some of my most viewed YouTube videos are my musical mashups - fun, funny parodies of popular music. It's not solving a pain, but it's definitely serving a delight.
Kind of like the doughnut shop - or "Field of Dreams" - it's up to you to educate people about how you serve them - about the experience you provide for them. Whether you're solving a pain or bringing them joy, be honest, authentic, and REAL with them by sharing the stories of your products and your company.
The best way to build a profitable, sustainable business doing what you love is to be yourself. Use YOUR words, tell your stories, and share your vision for what you're creating.
When you do it (and keep doing it, via heart-centered marketing), the right people will come.
Today, spend a little time thinking about your stories. What made you decide to start doing this thing that you love so much? How does it help (or delight) people? What kind of people does it help (or delight)? What stories do you have from your current customers that put your company or offering in a positive light?
Start thinking about what words you would use to tell these stories. Write them down and start practicing them. These stories are the threads that become the beautiful tapestry of your business. Stories sell. The better you get at telling (and showing) your stories, the more of your right people you'll attract.
Hello dear one!
I have never been a big comic book fan. When I was a kid, I wanted to read "real" books. "serious" books. So comics were not part of the equation. Plus, I have an addictive personality, so that would be one more thing on which to spend money I didn't have.
So this whole resurgence of comic book films has been fun for me - to explore the heroic stories of these legendary heroes (many of which I wasn't remotely familiar with before the films). I'm one of those people comic book purists probably hate: I didn't read the books before I watched the movies.
Oh well.
Before this resurgence, the closest I could identify to a superhero was Wonder Woman - you know, the Lynda Carter version (again, never read the books, y'all!). She was something for my pre-teen, 80's self to look up to. But as an adult, I felt more drawn to action heroes like MacGyver, Jason Bourne, and the like.
Then came Captain America.
I admit, if it hadn't starred Chris Evans, I probably wouldn't have thought twice, but he seems like one of those really nice guys in Hollywood, so I went to check it out.
It just gave me another reason to love Evans. It also gave me a new hero.
One that reminded me of you.
In the movie, Steve starts out as this gangly little weakling of a kid (oh, and did I mention, he's an artist, too?). Through the miracle of "modern" science, he becomes Captain America.
But the core of Steve - that which made Captain America - was there from the beginning.
I was working on Pinterest lately, crafting a branding board for a client project, and came across a pin of this painting:
Here's little Steve, with all his heart, hustle, and commitment to the cause - regardless of his size or stature. He knows the person he's capable of becoming, even if the rest of the world doesn't see it yet.
Then, there's Captain America. He TOWERS over little Steve, yet, he's the same guy. The same heart. The same hustle. The same commitment to his cause, his beliefs, and what really matters in his world.
They are the same, even if the world doesn't always see it that way.
But that is how I see you.
I see you when you show up in your "small" self, just wanting to bust out. Ready to jump on your metaphorical "grenade" to save the lives of the people that matter most to you. I see you striving to be as big and strong as you know how to be. I see your "Captain America-ness" trying to burst out of you.
I see your potential - in all the various ways it can manifest: strong leader, successful business owner, deeply spiritual human, loving spouse and parent. I see your struggle for balance, your desire to win - but win something with meaning. To have a meaningful life, a beautiful living doing what you love in ways that inspire the world.
THAT is how I see you.
You don't need some crazy serum concocted by a mad scientist to get to where you want to be. That's just the window dressing that makes it easier for the world to appreciate who you already are. Steve was Captain America all along. The world just didn't know it yet.
I've seen it. I see it every day. I've lived it. I've had to look my own potential in the eye every day. Sometimes I see Steve. Other days, I'm clearly my own Captain America.
But it's all there, all the time. I know it, because I've lived it.
And I see it so clearly in you.
Thank you for letting me glimpse your awesomeness. Thank you for letting me shine a light so that the world can see your Captain. You have SO much to offer the world - even if the world doesn't get it yet.
I do. And I'm grateful to be part of your journey of awesomeness.
Love always,
-Me
There are those who might scoff at me for calling out a guy like Lewis Howes. After all, he's a pretty good guy, he's got a new book coming out this fall (I've read the first chapter, and so far, so good), and the value he shares on his podcasts is life changing for many.
Well, I was watching him on Periscope the other day, and while I enjoyed his scope and what he shared, I really think he missed the mark when talking about his 5 "Must-Haves" for creating a powerful, irresistible personal brand. He focused a LOT on specific tactics, which I think can be useful - for the right people. But some people simply can't (or won't) utilize those tactics for various reasons. Which would mean they don't have the "must haves" in place for creating a powerful personal brand (according to Lewis).
So does that mean they are screwed?
Hardly.
This week, I'm calling out Lewis because I want to dig deeper, get under the hood and see WHY he's recommending those tactics - which clearly work for him at the stage he's at in his business and brand development, but may not work for you. What will? When we get down to the reasons behind the tactics, THAT is where the gold is.
I even invoke the names of a knight, a dead man, and Scarface himself to make the point.
We're getting serious in this week's episode of Creative Freedom.
What's my platform? This blog is my primary platform. I also have some social media outposts (like Youtube, where my videos are hosted, facebook, and twitter) that host or amplify my Great Work in the world. My music is also a platform to share my Great Work.
What's my credibility? I've been a creative artist and entrepreneur for over 20 years. I built one of the first-ever ecommerce websites (by hand) back in the 90's. I've helped hundreds of solopreneurs double or triple their income, clear their calendars and have more free time, and essentially build a business that gives them time and money to enjoy their lives. I've also worked with several best selling authors to increase their reach, enlarge their platforms, or develop new revenue streams. I teach what works because I've been in the trenches. I've been on stages, interviewed on podcasts, and yes, I have an international best-selling business book written especially for solopreneurs (and another on the way). Some people call that more than enough. Others, because I don't have a bunch of awards and media attention would say I've still got work to do. My clients, seem pretty happy, though.
Where's my social proof? I've got pages of testimonials for my products, services, and my book. I've been invited to guest post on various blogs, speak on national stages, podcasts, and interviewed on local television. I've got a modest, organic following of real people on social media. I have endorsements from best selling authors and high recommendations from my clients. Again, for some people that's plenty. For others, they'd rather work with someone that's certified as a coach, or has a litany of credentials. The question YOU need to be asking is "how much is enough?" - because "enough" is relative, and only your right clients can answer that for you.
My personal connection to my audience? Sure, I use video - but that's a recent development. Before that, I held teleclasses and Q&A sessions where people could ask me anything. I've done webinars, and my newsletter has been going out almost every week for nearly 7 years now (I still have a few of those early subscribers on my list!) - and I respond personally to every email that's sent to me. I also use social media (Periscope, pinterest, and instagram are my go-to favorites right now) to connect with my audience and let them know me in a more personal way. Plus, every video in the 300 songs project begins with a story to give you an insight into me, the project, and the players who help me make the music so awesome. Connection is important to me.
My authenticity? I'm about as real as I know how to be. My brand is about showing up fully as yourself - warts, sparkles, and all. That means bad hair days, calling out minor celebrities, and generally telling the truth in love as I see it. Sometimes I'm wrong, and I own that. I try to create a judgement-free zone, and people who know me get that.
Did I miss the mark here? Is Lewis right? Am I wrong? Do you have your own take on what you need to build a powerful (profitable) personal brand? Share your thoughts in the comments, and let's be a rising tide for everyone. And if you know Lewis, tell him to stop in and share his thoughts!
First an exciting announcement: A few weeks ago, I happily celebrated 500,000 views on my YouTube channel. THIS week, I'm celebrating 300 subscribers (click here to subscribe instantly)!
Confetti! Fireworks! Hooray! Huzzah!
This has been a goal of mine for several years, and I'm beyond thrilled that it's finally happened. It was a lot more challenging than I expected, and I've learned a lot along the way. As my channel grows I've developed a love and strong respect for the YouTube community. If you're on YouTube, please say hi and spread the love. Your awesomeness makes this show possible.
THANK YOU.
I was on a coaching call with a client this week and we spent a good amount of time talking about how hard it can be to shine brightly when everyone around you is complaining about your light.
"You're too bright."
"Can you turn it down a little?"
"You're always so enthusiastic about [topic]. I'm tired of it."
While occasional constructive criticism is important (when you work with me, I'm not afraid to give it to you straight), it's also important to remember that you've got Divinely-given gifts that are uniquely yours to bring into the world.
Shout it out! Tell everyone about your brand. Heck, have your brand name printed out onto face masks, hoodies, pens or mugs if necessary. Don’t hide them away; be proud of who you are and what you have achieved.
Often times, we're put down, or we feel guilty about being so awesome. And even if you're shy and reserved, it can be tough to deal with the criticism and "baggage" others want to foist on you when you're sharing your gift with the world. It often results in being overgenerous as a means to counter the criticism, to be liked, or to "apologize" for your existence.
Been there, done that.
You don't need to apologize for being awesome. We all shine in our own way, and yes, some of us are called to shine "brighter" or to a "bigger" audience (remember: size is relative. If it's your dream, it's big. Period.). That doesn't make us any more (or less) needed in the world.
Sometimes we're put in a position where we shine brighter than the folks around us because they need to get used to having more light in their lives. This isn't a statement of arrogance. Most of the awesomely talented people I know didn't ask to be awesome. They just are. But the amount of guilt they feel and crap they take for being so shiny is overwhelming. I'm reminded of the crawdads in a bucket that keep pulling each other back down so that no one escapes.
You don't have to make your light any less bright. That's what sunglasses and window shades are for. People can choose to be around you and they can choose to leave. This is a lesson I'm learning myself. For YEARS I have felt the need to dim my own light because the people around me couldn't deal with how shiny I am. I never asked to shine. I was born with these gifts, and while I've honed them over the years, it was never in an attempt to be better than anyone other than myself.
It's not your job to diminish your light. Your job is to shine your light into the world. (Click to tweet this)
There are plenty of people in the world who are afraid of the light. Heck, even Plato wrote about it in his Allegory of the Cave. But here's the thing:
Just because other people are afraid of the light, or judge the light, or shun the light, doesn't mean that you need to take it personally.
When I walk into my bedroom and flip on the light, sometimes my husband grumps about it. My light bulb doesn't get all defensive and start apologizing for being bright. That's what light bulbs do, for pity's sake! And while I might apologize for causing my husband pain, I rarely apologize for turning on the light because I needed the light to see. Don't apologize for your needs. Apologizing for your needs equates to saying "I'm not worthy of having my needs met. I'm sorry for my existence."
Word choices can be tricky, eh? But I've said this many times in the past: you train people how to treat you based on what you've come to accept from them and what they've come to expect from you. If you're constantly apologizing for your existence, then, Houston, YOU have a problem.
Katy Perry sang an inspiring song that confirms that the only way to shine is to ignite yourself:
"You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July"
I think it's safe to say that if you don't ignite yourself - and let yourself shine - it's improbable that anyone else will do it for you.
On the surface, Independence Day is about celebrating my country's establishment as a sovereign nation. It's become the high holy day of picnics, beach fun, and fireworks.
But at the core, it's a symbol to embrace what matters most to you, hold it out for the world to see, and stand your ground. Do you think the British were particularly pleased? Hardly. They fought us for several years before and after we claimed our independence.
You'll probably face a few battles of your own (both internal and external ones). That's to be expected. As several great minds (including William Lamb and Stan Lee) once said, "with great power comes great responsibility." Being awesome ain't always easy, but you've got it in you to handle it!
Need a little extra incentive?
Our Independence Week edition of Creative Freedom brings us a special "guest appearance" - this time by Katy Perry. It's a friendly reminder to own your awesomeness.
What are you awesome at? Go on! Toot your own horn (I dare you)! How have you been holding back your awesomeness? Do you know someone else that's letting their light shine "brighter than the moon"? Share your stories, thoughts, and ideas in the comments.
If you or someone you know could use this information, please share us with them and be part of our Rising Tide! Every share helps. THANK YOU!
OH, BTW... Des is coming back from California this week, so look for new videos in the 300 songs project soon! YAY!
It's here! After months of being sick, fighting resistance, and in general just not getting it done, I'm proud to announce my new web series for creative entrepreneurs! It's called "Creative Freedom" and we talk about anything and everything related to building a creative business that lets you have more profit in your pocket and more time to enjoy the money you're making.
One of the business support systems I've come to value above most anything else is my mastermind group. These wonderful people come together to celebrate and support one another in their life and business pursuits. One of the things that
As a recovering overachiever, I've learned a thing or two about spinning plates. In fact, some might call me a pro. I can't count the number of times I've heard someone say:
"Damn, Lisa! How do you manage to get so much done?"
"Lisa, you are EVERYWHERE! How do you do it?"
"You seem like you've got a lot going on, Lisa. How do you manage it all?"
The truth is, my days are fairly light. I may have an appointment or two on a given day, but I spend a lot of time home alone, focused on doing the work. Whether that's practicing piano, scripting or filming a new video, or taking my kids to the doctor, I've created crystal clear priorities that keep me on track.
For all the stuff I am doing, I still say "no" to a lot of things that don't mesh with my priorities.
And yet, I'm not perfect. I still manage to say "yes" to enough activities that can distract me and take me off course from time to time.
What I've learned in my years as an entrepreneur and coach is that it's easy to get distracted from your priorities (REALLY EASY). Add to that the fact that very few people will volunteer to hold you accountable to your priorities, and you've got a recipe for overwhelm.
So how do you mitigate overwhelm and keep your business on track? Here are 5 tips to help you create a focus and stick with it throughout the year.
1. Pre-plan your priorities. In my Dreamblazing program, we set your objectives for the next 12 months, and then we prioritize them. By deciding your priorities in advance, you've got a filter you can pass every opportunity through for the coming months. By pre-planning your priorities in this way, you've got a much better chance at staying on task and not getting sidetracked by pop-up "emergencies" or "special opportunities" that don't support your priorities. For example, one year, my top priority wasn't in my business - it was to build a healthier relationship with my son. When I had the opportunity to speak at an event that conflicted with a commitment I'd made with him, I had to say no to that opportunity. Did I miss out? Not based on my priorities. I held firm to what was most important for me at that time. It would have been easy to re-prioritize in the moment - especially if we'd needed the money. But I'd made a decision months earlier to focus on quality time with my son. That decision made saying "no" easier.
Pre-planning your priorities isn't just an annual thing. I use The PEACE System to clarify my priorities on a daily basis. By making sure my top priorities are on my radar each day, I accomplish more of what matters in less time, because I'm not distracted as often.
2. Guard your self-care time. This has been the most valuable lesson of my business career. When lots of tasks, challenges, and opportunities are coming down the pike at the same time, it's easy to neglect your personal time. Everybody wants a piece of you. Everybody wants to pick your brain, get a little of your time, and it all adds up. Next thing you know, it's been days since you've had a shower, and you can't remember when you had any white space in your day.
Not that I speak from experience, or anything.
When I was working as an Admin in the automotive industry, I routinely managed the calendars of six (yep, SIX) executives. I was their sole support person, which meant juggling the needs and priorities of five high-powered, driven, single-minded guys - and one woman who was probably the most driven of them all. Multitasking was my specialty. But self-care was not. I remember the day I came to work in a pair of hose I'd rinsed out and blow-dried that morning because I'd put in so many hours at work I'd forgotten to do my laundry.
Self care is making sure you've got time to see to your own needs. It isn't always about going to the spa and getting a massage - though that's nice, too. It's about white space in your day. The auto industry was filled with people who'd wolf down lunch in 5 minutes - never leaving their desk because of an all-day conference call. I watched these execs turn their offices into sleeping quarters, changing rooms, and occasionally a bathroom (don't ask).
That's what a lack of self-care looks like. I've spend the last 10 years shifting away from that, creating more "white space" in my life so that when a true emergency crops up (like a phone call from my kid's school, asking me to come get him), it's not a Herculean task to rearrange my day. A quick call or an email and I've got things handled.
3. Right-size your expectations. There's a running joke that if you give a man a piece of paper and a list of things to do, he'll use as little of the paper as possible, whereas a woman will fill up that to-do list, turn the page over, and keep on writing. It's easy to find things to do, things that need our attention, and that's where overwhelm starts the slow creep. I don't care who you are, without a small army, it's virtually impossible to clean an entire house, prepare three meals from scratch for a family of four, do all the dishes, take all the kids to all their appointments, balance the P&L statement, create your blog content, do three interviews, create four web pages, host a webinar, make seven sales calls, get in an hour of exercise, take a nap, and be bright eyed and bushy tailed, showered and shaved for your evening out with friends. And if you have a chronic illness or need to take care of ailing loved ones, you have to expect even less of yourself.
It doesn't make you a bad business person. It means you're human! Something has to give. Maybe you get a support team, call in reinforcements, or just postpone some happenings for another day. As much as you might like to believe it, NO ONE can do it all (so quit trying!).
Right-sizing your expectations means getting more of the right things done. (tweet this)
Coming down off a multi-tasking high in the auto industry, I had to re-assess what I was truly capable of on a given day. I knew I wanted more white space, more peace and ease, but I was also used to getting a lot done in a day. At first, my to-do lists were incredibly long. Then I let the pendulum swing the other way: no more than one appointment per day. Over time, I managed to find a "groove" that works for me: most days are appointment free, with two days a week dedicated to handling scheduled appointments (coaching calls, doctor visits, etc.) This gives me plenty of white space to stay in creative flow, while also giving me plenty of energy to handle the scheduled appointments during one or two days of the week (and lots of energetic "recovery time" thereafter).
4. Get an accountability partner. My pal Winnie has been my stalwart business buddy for over two years now. We connect via skype almost every week, and together we've launched best-selling books, grown new business divisions, re-branded, and so much more. There's no way I could have stayed the course over the past two years without her willingness to show up and hold me accountable for the priorities I've set for myself. We don't nag each other. We know that priorities change, and we go with that flow. But we're also willing to call B.S. on each other when we're dragging our heels on a project to which we've committed.
An accountability partner provides a powerful level of support & encouragement on a frequent basis. Because you're working together, there's an added benefit that you're going to learn from each other. I count Winnie as one of my best friends - not just because she knows where all the bodies are buried! It takes a certain kind of person to be willing to put up with me, call me on my crap, and still be willing to cheer me on and celebrate my successes. And I get the honor of doing the same for her.
5. Make friends with "no". Get used to saying (and hearing) no a lot more often. When you ask for help, sometimes the answer will be no. Keep asking. It's not always because you don't want to say yes. Sometimes you need to say no because it's not in alignment with your priorities. That's wonderful. Oh, and don't take it personally when someone else tells you no.
I remember coming home from a week-long workshop a while ago. Upon my return, one of my clients called to "fire" me. I was SO happy for them that it kind of threw them off guard. They didn't need me anymore, and while I knew it, they couldn't imagine a different path than they one they'd envisioned with me on it. I had even suggested they replace me with an employee at much less cost, but it wasn't happening... until I left for the week.
That time away gave them clarity to see new possibilities and alternatives that would better suit them and their bottom line. When I picked up the phone and heard "we've decided not to renew your contract," all I could say was "HOORAY! THAT'S AWESOME!" It totally threw my client for a loop because it wasn't the answer they were expecting. I reminded my client that my sole purpose was to help them get profitable and find the path that worked for them. They were finally taking my advice which meant a more profitable direction for their company. Keeping me on wouldn't be in alignment with their best interests, nor mine. So, like Nanny McPhee, it was time for me to go.
Bonus tip: Be forgiving with yourself. In all my years of prioritizing and planning, I still get it wrong from time to time. Nobody's perfect. Even the best laid plans change. Pick a course and stick with it to the best of your abilities, but if something happens that requires a redirect (like your kid going to jail), go with it. When I was a financial advisor, we were taught that "life happens every six months." So rather than rail against it, we made a plan for it. I still do. My Dreamblazing program has built-in check-ins every quarter, to ensure that the priorities you've set are still the right ones for you.
Let me hear from ya! What's been keeping you in overwhelm lately? How do you manage to get more of the right things done? Share your comments below and let's be a rising tide for the entire community.
When "Now Discover Your Strengths" came out, let's just say I was a very late adopter. So late, in fact, that I had already bought "Strengths Finder 2.0" first. After taking the test to find my strengths, I was non-plussed. I felt like I already knew what my strengths were, and the book and quiz basically confirmed it.
For those of you keeping track, my top five strengths are: Strategic, Woo, Communication, Context, and Connectedness - in that order.
Call me slow, but once I knew what I already knew, the book sat on my shelves for years. Since I "already knew everything" it was relegated to the bookshelf that I rarely touch - the one I'm cleaning out now to move into my studio.
When I clear off bookshelves, I always dive back in to some random pages and see if the book still holds any value for me before I let it go. Some books I read once and pass off immediately. Not because they aren't good, but because I really feel like I've gotten everything I could from the book.
Yes, sometimes that means buying another copy of the book when my hard-headedness wears off, but not usually. I have a learning addiction, so I'm constantly absorbing new material, and like any user, once it's all used up, we discard it and move on to the next fix.
For whatever reason, I held onto an entire collection of books by Marcus Buckingham, Tom Rath, and Donald Clifton. I kept telling myself that they'd come in handy for client work, and since I'm taking on fewer one-on-one clients now, it seemed like a good idea to go back through them and see what good they'd do me.
So as I flipped back through the book, I read the descriptions of each of my strengths. I found myself nodding. Then, I found myself writing them all down - and highlighting! I haven't highlighted a book since college!
Clearly something was happening in my brain. It was almost unconscious... like my hands were operating independent of me. By the time it was done, I'd re-worded the five lengthy paragraphs to look something like this:
What makes me so awesome? It’s a unique combination of clear, meaningful strategy and communication with a positive impact.
Clear, Meaningful Strategy: Strategy is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective that allows me to see patterns others don’t. It's a big reason I was appointed to a government-sponsored think tank as a teenager. It’s an advantage that helps me find potential obstacles before you hit a road block, a dead-end path, or the land of confusion. Clarity is king with me. I also believe we are on this rock for a purpose. Yes, we make our own decisions and we are accountable for those choices and actions, and still we have a greater gift to share with the world. Whatever your connection of choice (Spirit, God, six degrees of separation, etc.), we are all connected to each other in some small way. This perspective helps me understand how today’s strategies impact tomorrow’s results.
Communication With A Positive Impact: Words are my palette. I've won multiple awards for my writing, music and performances. I have a deep need to bring ideas, stories and events to life, energize them, and make them exciting and vivid. I use examples that make it easier for you to relate, understand, and apply to your specific situation. People like to listen to me because I’m a knowledgeable, passionate communicator and I inspire them to take action in meaningful ways. I also believe that words are meaningless unless they mean something to you. So I want to learn who you are, what makes you tick, where you’ve been and where you want to go. Your back story helps us understand how to plan for the future. You'll make better, more confident decisions when you understand your back story. This keeps you from making the same mistakes or re-inventing the wheel on your path to success.
If you've read the book, you'll recognize some of the language, but it's decidedly my own spin on what Clifton, Rath, and Buckingham have described as my top 5 strengths. I've already added it to my about page, and will soon have micro versions on my social media profiles and new one-sheet as well.
1. Buy the book and take the test. Make sure you get a copy of the book that has an unused access code for the test. Once you've taken the test, make note of your top 5 strengths.
2. Copy down all 5 strengths descriptions. The paragraphs are way too long for a bio. You'll be editing mercilessly in the next step. For now, just copy it all down.
3. Edit mercilessly. Change all the "you" statements to "I" statements, and re-write the paragraphs into something very client focused. I was able to eventually take the Strategy and Connectedness paragraphs and blend them into one. For me, I wanted to show people that Strategy is worthless without a bigger picture meaning.You can see that I used the phrase "I also believe..." as a transition from one thought (strategic) to the next (connectedness). You want to streamline all this information into something digestible for an average reader. You're not necessarily trying to condense each strength into one or two paragraphs like I did, though. It could be 5 smaller pargraphs if your strengths don't seem to logically go together like mine did. In any case, do what works for you, since this is your bio, and you want to be proud to share it with people.
4. Sprinkle in your credentials. The idea is to give a nod to your accomplishments, but stay focused on how they help your clients. You'll want to find no more than 1 or two things that illustrate each of your strengths. Here I've mentioned my appointment to a think tank as a teenager to illustrate and affirm my strategic abilities. I've also mentioned that I'm an award-winning writer, musician, and performer - which hopefully serves to both inspire my audience and encourage them to experience the different ways I communicate with context.
5. Check for grammatical issues. Cutting and pasting words and ideas often leaves a trail of errant punctuation, capitalization, and stray words that just don't belong. Look for fragments, incomplete ideas, and anything that doesn't clearly represent your unique value to your clients. Remember, your bio needs to be client-focused, even if it's talking about you.
6. Rest. Not everyone writes or edits well. You'll likely need a few passes at this, but even if you're a fantastic writer, I recommend at least one re-write. Once you've made your first round of edits, let it rest for a day and come back to it with fresh eyes. You'll probably see a few tense changes you missed, as well as some ways to refine the language and make it sound more like you.
7. Repeat the edits. Even I caught some glaring things I could fix as I was writing this post. Make sure your credentials are the ones you feel the most positive about - they don't have to be the most glowing praise, but the ones you feel proudest to share with people. If it doesn't work for you, you won't share it with people. The whole purpose of a bio is for people to get to know you. Repeat steps 6 & 7 as needed.
8. Let 'er fly! Share it with a few trusted people and get their response. You may find, as I did, that some people have no idea about what makes you so awesome. They may also point out some things you missed. That doesn't mean they're right and you're wrong. You still have permission to do things your way!
This approach can actually work with most of the personality-type assessments people take. You may notice that I included my fascination advantage "anthem" (knowledgable, passionate communicator) - which is taken from Sally Hogshead's work, "How The World Sees You." Strengths Finder is just one approach that worked surprisingly well (and fast) for me. I may go back and look at the results from some of the other assessments I've taken and see how I can incorporate them, but for now, I have something useful, meaningful, and intriguing for my clients and potential clients to get to know me better.
She was sprawled out on the sidewalk, screaming bloody murder. The bike - a garage sale special (meaning there was no padding on the all-metal seat) - was still somehow attached to her.
She and I lived close to each other, and were about the same age, but I had no real interest in bikes when I was six. I wanted her to play dolls with me, but no. She was a tomboy through and through. And she really wanted to learn how to ride a bike.
Her parents bought her this scrap metal bike with what little money they had, took it home, cleaned it up with a bit of red spray paint, and after letting it dry, gave it to her.
She wasted no time. She hopped on (no training wheels), and took off down the neighborhood. I lived at the end of the street, so most of the kids used our house as the turnaround. I waited for her there.
She was no stranger to bikes. Most of the neighborhood kids had them and let her ride when parents weren't looking. Some with training wheels, some without. When this little girl climbed on her very own bike, she was a natural.
Until...
Still straddling the metal heap of a bicycle, but flat on her back, the girl was screaming bloody murder. Apparently, she hit a sidewalk bump where the concrete was broken up and the metal seat jammed her... in the... well, you know.
She lost control, the bike fell over, and she was sort of tangled up in it.
So much screaming. So much crying. I kept looking for blood, but didn't see any. Maybe she broke her leg or something. I thought for sure her folks were going to end up taking her to the hospital. Even her brother - who normally ignored his baby sister - set out to figure out if she was okay... or at least get the kid to stop crying and screaming.
Once they calmed her down, they realized that beyond the need for a padded seat, the only thing that was really bruised was her pride. So her father, in all his infinite wisdom, encouraged her to "stop crying like a baby and get back on the damn bike."
The little girl obediently climbed back on - after setting the bike back up and giving it a firm kick to show it who was boss. This time, instead of riding up and down the street, she practiced in my gravel driveway. She practiced turning, braking, and navigating the bike on "a bumpy road" as she called it. She even managed to teach herself to ride "standing up" so that the seat didn't get the best of her again.
She fell a few more times (gravel wipeouts - OUCH!), but under the watchful eye of her parents, she managed to get back up without shedding a single tear.
By dinnertime, she was racing one of the neighbor kids, giggling and playing as if she was a cycling pro.
Eat your heart out, Lance Armstrong!
A colleague of mine once shared a similar equation with me. She was using it to talk about the power of irresistible presence, and how, when these three elements are combined, you are more able to show up in a magnetic and authentic way.
The more I looked at her equation, the more truth I saw.
Success in anything can ONLY come when we have these three elements in proper measure. Without all three, you'll fall short in some way. Don't believe me? Let's look and see:
One of the most important things I've ever done for myself was develop The PEACE System. It helps me have crystal clarity on my priorities for any given day. Coupled with my Dreamblazing program, I've created my perfect solution to knowing exactly what matters most in any given moment. I have total CLARITY on what to do, and why.
After she fell, that little girl had clarity that her bike had a few issues, and that she needed more practice riding with it before she took it out onto the broken sidewalks of our ghetto neighborhood.
But clarity alone only helps you see the bicycle. It doesn't give you insight into how to actually ride it. Clarity says "I need to learn how to ride the bike." Confidence says "This is how one rides a bike."
Big difference.
You know what that means right? No? Here's the Urban Dictionary definition. CONFIDENCE comes from this space of knowing. When you've got clarity, you can make some decisions about what to do, and what not to do. You can even help other people make decisions based on what you know. As a coach, I am lucky enough to work with clients that need to make changes in their lives and business, but if all I did was spout off my knowledge, or tell them what to do, I'd be nothing more than a "sexual intellectual" that no one wants to work with. What's more, if I left my clients in that space, they'd never make any forward progress.
Confidence is the by-product of practice. Practice can only happen in a safe space. Like learning to ride a bike, there's always a fear of falling down, but training wheels and a steady hand on the back of the seat can make all the difference between riding down the street and never getting on the bike in the first place.
Confidence is built when the action you take is positively reinforced. When that little girl got back up on the bike, her parents stood by (safe space) and encouraged her progress. When her progress was reinforced, it gave her the confidence to know that she could ride this bike.
That little girl knew she could ride a bike - she'd done it before. She just needed to figure out how to handle the particular quirks of this bike. She quickly realized the seat would be an issue, so she needed to learn how to ride standing up. That would pretty much solve her "cushion" problem.
But knowing is only half the battle (GI Joe!)... or in this case a third of the battle. Because all the clarity & confidence in the world won't help you if you don't have the courage to do something with what you know.
For most people, if you've got courage, you've got confidence. COURAGE is the active piece to the "knowing" of Confidence. But sadly, people act with "courageous stupidity" all the time. You hear stories about someone accidentally setting their house on fire because they tried to kill a spider with a torch. Crazed drivers struck by road rage who speed up as someone tries to pass them - only to find out that person was a cop.
We all have something we're fighting for, something we believe in, something that in our bones we know to be true (that we'll defend to the bitter end). But without clarity (of what an appropriate response would be, for example), our courageous acts come off just plain arrogant or stupid.
This little girl could have thrown the bike to the ground in disgust and refused to ride it. After all, she "knew" she could ride a bike, and this one wasn't behaving properly. But because she also had clarity that this was the only bike her parents could afford, if she really wanted her very own bike to ride, she'd have to act differently.
Clarity says "I need to learn how to ride the bike." Confidence says "This is how one rides a bike." Courage says "This is me, riding this damn bike."
I'm leading a free workshop on Saturday March 14, 2015 to help you have more clarity, confidence, and courage in your life and business. If you're ready to learn how to create your own safe space to develop confidence and courage in your life and work, I hope you'll join me for this special, one-time-0nly workshop. You can learn more and register here. I'll also be sharing more about my Creative Freedom Apprenticeship and telling you how you could earn a scholarship to attend at no cost to you.
Anyone can be a hero for a day.
An above-and-beyond gesture. An extra dose of good-will. Being in the right place at the right time.
Anyone can have a day like that, do something awesome, and be a hero for a day or two.
True heroes walk the walk, even when it's difficult. They do the right thing when there's NOT a profit to be made. Sometimes, they do the right thing when the wrong thing appears to be far more profitable in the moment.
They're concerned about eternity, not about right now.
When I say "eternity," I'm not necessarily talking "heaven or hell", religion, or anything of that sort.
I'm talking about being able to wake up each morning, look yourself in the eye, and know that you've made the most of yesterday, with a commitment to doing your darnedest to make today even better.
Action heroes get banged up, scratched and dented, and take a few beatings from time to time. They get a little dirty, bloodied up, and still they rise, because they know it's not about the short-term gain, it's about the end game.
Who's going to be at your funeral? What are they going to say about you? How will you be remembered? Will you be remembered at all?
Sarah Robinson once wrote about what I call the "Hero of Now," the hero of right this moment. The flash in the pan that looks good on paper, seems to be on a hot streak, or appears to have some of the success you desire. This "flash in the pan" can be pretty easy on the eyes. In fact, sometimes we get mesmerized and then we're stunned when that flash turns out to be of little substance, or simply doesn't have the long-term value that makes them a true hero.
I've been there at least eleventy-jillion times in my own life and career (give or take a few jillion). You see someone that's doing their thing and it's hard NOT to notice. In fact, our brains are hard-wired to pay attention to something in which we're interested. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) in your brain is what causes you to notice every silver Jeep Liberty on the road after you decide that's the kind of car you want to buy next... or ignore the voice of every other screaming kid at the McDonald's playland except yours.
Here's an excerpt from what Sarah noted:
I thought part of a leader’s job was to search for unnoticed diamonds in the rough and start to polish them. I thought true leaders never, ever forgot that they were once unnoticed and that someone reached out to help them become who they are.
Apparently I was wrong.
When I see “leaders” huddled together in a self-congratulatory group (I’ve even heard of an event where the leaders sit in a roped off area, inaccessible to the “common” attendees), it makes me question any aspiration I might have to someday be among them.
I know not all experts and leaders are like this and that gives me the hope I need to keep going.
Speaking as the kid in high school that was the music geek with TWO 6th hour classes my senior year, I know the uncool factor, and wore it well for a while.
Just like in high school, those would-be heroes are quite often real-life zeros once the playing field is leveled.
I can't tell you how many kids from my past - that thought I was uncool, unworthy, un____, now approach me with some kind of "wow! Look at you!" amazement.
They know I've "arrived" in a way they never did. But I'm still striving, and they're stuck wearing the blue apron at the local big box store.
So too are many of those internet flashes in the pan that were once riding high now facing their own issues: health issues, family troubles, bankruptcies, divorces, lawsuits, and other not so pretty consequences of doing their thing for momentary success, instead of building for the long term.
People talk. Your audience sees you even if they don't always say so. Today's hero, if they continue to demonstrate heroic qualities, will continue to be a hero decades from now. If today's hero runs off at the mouth and ignores the music geeks too often, they end up fat, balding, and with no prospects...
Not that I speak from experience or anything (hee hee).
Think about music: Billy Joel is a legend. Starland Vocal Band? Not so much. Their one hit, "Afternoon Delight," was the biggest-selling single of 1976. They even won a Grammy, but by 1981, they had called it quits.
Do you want to be a one-hit wonder or a lifetime achievement award winner? Both of them may win a Grammy, but who will be remembered for their enduring contribution?
It's hard to ignore a flash in the pan... until the Hope Diamond comes along. (Tweet This)
When you look at your business, your life, are you building something that lasts? Are you a true hero to the folks you serve, the colleagues that seek you out? Are you "The Hope Diamond" of your industry, or just another flash in the pan?
Sometimes it's hard to know for sure. We've all watched someone skyrocket to the top of their industry, stay there for a few years, and then get "shot down" by some kind of incident, controversy, or some other bad PR issue.
They stand the test of time - despite their shortcomings. True business heroes are around for decades or centuries, not months or years. True business heroes continue to learn and grow, develop their network, and rarely rest on their laurels.
True heroes adapt, are agile, and realize that getting beat up is part of standing up for what's right. Just because a company is making billions today doesn't mean it has the wherewithal to be in a future edition of "Built to Last". There are plenty of companies (and people) that started with a future just as bright as Facebook, and ended up extinct.
What makes a true hero? Who are your heroes in life and business? Is there a secret ingredient? I'm guessing you have some thoughts about it. Share them in the comments, and let's start a conversation!
[AUTHOR'S NOTE: This article originally appeared one of my old blogs in March, 2011. I revised it for re-publication here, since I felt it deserved a little resurrection.]
"That's impossible!"
I can't count the number of times I've heard that phrase in my life. It's usually preceded by "You can't do that!", or followed by "Why don't you try something else?"
Meh.
I sometimes think that when God gave me the choice to be born, I told him to give me the absolute hardest path to success - just so I could prove to people it could be done.
Then again, I also used to dream of being a mermaid.
I have, however, always been a bit of an overachiever. I'm the kind of person that says "Oh yeah? WATCH me!" when someone says "you can't..." I've taken trips, been in programs, raised kids, and generally lived my life unconventionally.
It's only been recently that I've learned the art of quitting. I was always the person that flatly refused to give up. I worked a job where my paycheck bounced - twice -before I took the hint that I should probably move on. I've gotten better at seeing the signals that tell me it's time to move on. On the whole, though, I'm still a tenacious, relentless being. I don't quit just because something's hard.
In my years of experience, I've managed to see my way through a lot of "really hard" stuff. I experienced the joy of living on welfare, abuse, racism, and more - all before I graduated high school (with honors, thank you very much). I grew up in Flint, Michigan, the most dangerous city in America, for heaven's sake! I think that automatically earns me some kind of combat medal.
I left school and forged my own path. Then I got pregnant and did the single mom thing for a while. My 20's had their share of... well, me being in my 20's!
Then, I got married to a man who's had to deal with his own emotional baggage. I mothered my eldest through a lot of troubled times. My youngest was involved in his babysitter's conviction for child sexual misconduct. I built a company, closed it, and laid off my one employee. And that's just the last 10 years of my life!
Saying all this isn't about shock value. It's not even about bragging. Yeah, I've been through some tough stuff, but so have many other people I know and love.
This is really about staying power. Grit. Stick-to-it-iveness, and being willing to gut it out when things get really really HARD.
Because "impossible" isn't the same as "really hard."
Impossible, as originally defined, means "not able to occur, exist, or be done." If it's impossible, it's simply not possible.
But Napoleon Hill said "Anything the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can be achieved."
Now, good old Mr. Hill didn't say it would be easy. He just said it can be done. It's possible.
It's possible to fly, to plumb the depths of the sea, use touch fasteners to "tie" shoes, and chat with friends in other countries in real time. If you wanted to do any of those things 200 years ago, it would have seemed impossible. But the truth is, it would have been really REALLY hard... especially if you tried to do it all by yourself.
But someone eventually developed materials that made submarines and airplanes possible, "moving pictures" a reality, and velcro a staple in my kid's shoe closet. All the raw materials existed 200 years ago, but they hadn't been put together yet. It took a series of chemists starting in the late 1700's and early 1800's to figure out the polymers that would eventually give us Velcro in the 1950's.
It takes a village, yo.
When I was 21, and pregnant (more…)
As I hear clients, colleagues, and friends sharing their goals for 2015, there's a chorus being repeated over and over:
"This year is the year I FINALLY break __ figures!"
I've heard it so many times that it makes me dizzy and sad to think about the number of folks who continue to miss the mark on this particular goal each year. When I ask why they haven't hit their goal yet, I hear lots of "reasons" - but ultimately, those reasons all mask the truth of why they really haven't hit their big income goal - whatever it is.
First a warning: "Big income goal" is relative. Like dream shame, the fact that you have a goal means it's big. For you, it might be 10 figures, or 6, or 5, or being able to finally quit the day job. The number doesn't matter. The principles are the same regardless of the number of zeroes at the end of the figure.
Why is it that most entrepreneurs that dream of making "mucho dinero" don't hit their big income goal? Here are a few reasons I've encountered (both on my own journey, as well as with my clients): (more…)
I think it was Jesus that said a prophet has no honor in his own home town, with his own family, or even in his own house.
It's one of the big reasons I first built my business online - away from the prying eyes and judgmental insinuations of my own family and friends.
Don't get me wrong, on the whole I've managed to remove myself from the toxic relationships of my younger days, but there are still a few lingering reminders that only serve to affirm the wisdom of Jesus.
I've been a musician and performing artist for decades. I'm glad to be able to offer my services for a lot of different kinds of events. A family member once asked me to perform for a public event she was facilitating. She needed a strong singer to lead the music for the event. Naturally, I accepted. She's family, and it was for a worthy cause.
And of course, I didn't ask to be compensated, because it was a charity event, I had close ties to the organization, and I wanted the opportunity to perform, share my gifts, and serve on a larger scale.
That was all well and good until I realized I had "served" my way out of my own value.
The day of the event arrived, and as I was rehearsing with the other musicians, she came over and paid the pianist an undisclosed sum for his services. I didn't even get a thank-you card.
It was then that the words of Jesus rang in my head. More and more, I'm hearing stories from clients about doing "spec" work, or free work just for the exposure, only to discover there really isn't a real exposure opportunity. Or they're taking crappy-paying work because, hey, at least it pays something.
I'm here to tell you that you're crippling your business - and possibly your health and well-being. If you're saying yes to anything that comes along, you're not giving yourself room to do the work you really enjoy. Then, when the "good stuff" comes up, you're already booked! Let my example be your shortcut to sanity and more profitability. Here are three ways you can get more of the right people to value your work.
On one level, I was livid that my family member didn't see the value of the work I contributed to the event. I had to learn dozens of songs, rehearse them, and then perform them without errors - just like the other musicians. I also emceed the event, introduced the music, and was the "personality" for the event. Those are also elements of a performance that must be practiced. For as easy as it looks, I don't just show up and "wing it" for an audience. Even my improvisational work at murder mystery dinners comes from years of practice.
She didn't see enough value in my work to even give me any token of appreciation.
That's partly her fault, and partly mine. Had I done my job in the first place, and educated her about the value of my work, chances are good she would have at least given me a thank-you card or some small sign of appreciation.
If you leave it to chance, and just trust that people will recognize the value of who you are and what you do, you'll often be disappointed. It's one reason why I've heard so many people say "the marketing is more important than the mastery." That's not true, of course, because you don't want to be marketing crap, but at the same time, if you're not marketing at all, you're leaving money on the table and missing out on opportunities that could otherwise be coming your way.
And by "marketing" I mean educating your market about the value of who you are and what you do. Until they understand why you are good at your craft, until they understand why your prices are what they are, it's easy for them to price-shop - or worse, ask you to work for free.
I talk with a lot of entrepreneurs who understand the value of their offering - the work they do, the product or service the provide - but they don't value themselves enough to be paid. Hollywood writer Harlan Ellison and creative firm owner Mike Monteiro both speak out about the importance of not taking YOURSELF for granted in the business of doing business (warning: both videos have adult language). Plumbers and doctors can assert a value in the market for their services because of the results they provide. "I'll fix your pipes, and it'll cost you X." There's a clear outcome. But when we start looking at what we think are more nebulous or intangible "results" we discount the value that we bring to the table.
In truth, YOU are the reason that the offer has value in the first place. I say it a LOT - as a personality-based business, you are the most important product that your company has to offer. When I work with direct sellers, it's important they grasp this concept. They are one in perhaps a million other people selling the exact same product for the exact same price out of the exact same catalog. What makes their business the one to choose? People choose to work with a particular direct seller because of who they are, not what they offer.
If you don't value the contribution that you make, why should anyone else?
My grandfather was a carpenter. He once charged a guy $50 to hang a picture in his office. He walked in, tapped on the wall, then drove a nail with two deft strokes. He hung the frame and handed the guy the bill. Outraged, the guy wanted to know why he charged $50 to drive a nail. My grandfather took back the invoice, scribbled something on it and returned it to him. It now read:
Driving one nail: $10
Knowing where to drive that nail: $40
Total due: $50
I make singing look easy because of the thousands of hours in my life I've already spent learning music, performing, and honing my craft. I've got hundreds of youtube videos of me speaking or performing in some way. That's all "free" work I've been doing for years. Lots of practice!
Where have you invested in your life in ways that improve your craft? Value that investment. (Tweet this)
Sometimes, you can educate people until you (and they) are blue in the face, but if you're singing show tunes in a honky tonk, you're going to get booed off the stage no matter how good you are.
When you're first starting out in business, it's a seductive trap to take whatever business comes along - anyone who can fog up a mirror or anyone who pays, regardless of whether or not they're a good fit for you. Ultimately, it means you don't have a business, but rather that you're a whore willing to dish it out to anyone willing to pay you. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's true. Although, my friend and colleague, Sydney Barrows, would probably argue with me. She's the former madam that ran Cache' - a high-end "escort service" back in the 80's. She had a very clear idea of her target audience, and didn't waver. If a client was a jerk, they were fired. Her clients were A-list-ers and her "girls" were expected to provide a quality experience - with a price tag to match.
If it works for the escort business, it most certainly can work for you.
You're wasting your time if you're trying to justify your existence to everyone - friends and family included. I had to back away from people who didn't get me, people who didn't understand what I was all about. I had to find "my people". I've been in various mastermind-type groups over the years, and a year and a half ago I came to roost with a group of local women - all authors - who are some of my strongest supporters and encouragers. They understand me. They help me get some clarity. They even hold me accountable when I ask. I've got other supporters, too. People who see the real me (and love me anyway), like my coaches and colleagues (like Sydney). You'll notice I didn't include my spouse. I love my hubby, and I learned many moons ago that he doesn't get what I do. He's starting to understand a little, but we've been married for almost 10 years now. I had to stop holding my breath, and only share with him the stuff that he understands. The rest, I save for "my peeps."
Whether you're a direct seller, a shop clerk, or a performing artist, you've got to know who you're here to serve. Again, it makes no sense to sing show tunes in a honky tonk - even if they had an opening and it's great exposure. Sometimes you get lucky and the audience knows clearly what it wants - like a local barbecue joint that only plays blues music. Blues and barbecue go together easily. But most of the time, it's up to you to hone in on who you're here to serve.
As a business coach, I focus on growing businesses - specifically those where the business owner is the face of the company. That means I work with a lot of direct sellers, solo-preneurs, authors, speakers, and performing artists. It's a wide variety of people, yet they all share the commonality of being the face of their business. Why? Because I am a personality-based business owner. I am "the singing business coach" - a musician and performing artist who helps other people like me grow a profitable, sustainable business. I understand the particular issues these folks have in balancing personal and professional commitments. We don't have traditional "work hours" because our face is always "on". There are unique concerns that these businesses face that major corporations don't. I understand that intimately because it's the life I've lived for decades now.
That is my professional audience. What's yours? Who do you most resonate with? Who are the people you get the best results with or most enjoy working with? What do they have in common? Those are the threads that help you define your professional audience. Once you've defined it, speak directly to them. Stop trying to win everyone else over. A lot of people won't get you. That's okay. Focus on serving the ones who do.
Once you value the role you play in the work you do, and can educate your right people about that value, it's easier to command the prices (and respect) that you deserve.
How have you experienced this feeling of not being valued for the work you do? How did you handle it? Please share your comments below!