Can I be blunt for a moment?
I can't STAND the phrase "take your business to the next level". I think it's overused and too generic to have any real meaning.
And that's EXACTLY why so many business coaches - especially in the online world - use it. Yes. I use it too... which is part of what bugs me about it!
It's a blanket, "catch-all" phrase that allows them to paint a huge picture without really saying anything at all. You're left to use your imagination to figure out what "next level" really means.
I mean, I get it. It's a phrase that resonates for folks because it suggests progress and growth. Going up the elevator from the ground floor to the penthouse. That idea of "started from the bottom, now we're here."
But it's so generic! Taking your business to the next level could mean increasing your revenue, expanding your customer base, or improving your marketing strategies. By using a broad and flexible phrase like "take your business to the next level," a coach can appeal to a wide range of potential clients and highlight the various benefits they offer.
Which is great for the coach, but not necessarily great for you.
You don't want generic outcomes, you want specific help tailored to your situation. That's why you hire a coach in the first place! And the kind of "next-level" lift you need may not actually be what that coach is offering.
What if you need help through an audience pivot? I did. I needed specific help from someone who understands how to do an audience pivot. The idea of "taking my business to the next level" meant reaching more of those new, perfect-fit audience members. So, I put out a call to find a new coach, and what I got back was very telling.
I was specific in my request. Dozens of folks raised their hands and when I went to their websites to vet them more than HALF of them were talking about "next level" results.
Gag me.
Most of the coaches I talked to couldn't help me until I was already pivoted. But not with help finding these folks. Which, you know, needs to happen before I can market my offers to them!
So why raise your hand in the first place?
I ended up wasting a LOT of time talking to people who were good at things that I didn't even ask for! All because they wouldn't be specific enough in their marketing and messaging to help me understand what they offer and how they could REALLY help me... or if they understood my problem at all!
Using a common phrase like "take your business to the next level" can be a helpful shorthand for communicating the overall goal of their coaching services. It's a quick and catchy way to get potential clients interested in what they have to offer, and cast a wide net, but when you need specific help, this phrase is mostly worthless.
If "take your business to the next level" can mean different things for different people, depending on their goals and aspirations, then you have no real clarity. It could mean pushing past your current limits, reaching new heights, and tapping into your full potential as a business owner and as an individual, just as easily as it could mean expanding your customer base, increasing your revenue, improving your products or services, and creating more value for your customers.
That's a painting with a VERY broad brush!
No wonder potential clients get confused, throw their hands up, and walk away!
Specificity is clarity. Clarity builds confidence, which feeds your ability to take courageous actions (like saying YES and hiring a new coach!)
To make the term "take your business to the next level" meaningful, have in mind specific examples of what that might look or feel like for you.
For instance, taking your business to the next level could mean achieving a certain revenue target, expanding your customer base, launching a new product or service, or simply improving your overall brand image and reputation. It could also mean feeling more fulfilled and passionate about the work you do, having more freedom and flexibility in your schedule, and feeling more confident and empowered in your ability to make a difference in your industry.
If you're not clear about what you want or need from a coaching experience, you're more likely to be lured into "next level" language that doesn't get you where you really want to go.
Sadly, most coaches aren't providing specific examples so potential clients can better understand the value of choosing them. Instead, they're relying on lazy "next level" language that isn't helping you at ALL.
But you can make smart decisions by being clear and upfront with what you want or need from a coach. Don't equivocate. Ask them directly: how can you help me achieve x?
Don't let "next level" jargon hypnotize you into saying yes if you're not clear the coach can help.
And if you're ready to get real support to build a business that works for how you're wired to work, let's talk! A few seats are still available for this month's Cashflow Creator business model workshop series. Together, we'll design (or redesign) your business to be in alignment and integrity with what matters most to you and how you're uniquely wired to work.
For years, I've held connection calls where I hop on zoom for 20-30 minutes to get to know a new networking connection. Invariably, a business question pops up and most of the time I can spot a solution to their issue before the end of the call.
In many of these cases, I was able to help them see a way to open up a new income stream, refine a system or process, or just make their business easier in a matter of minutes. Not long ago, I was talking with a guy and by the end of the call we'd mapped out a new approach to one of his existing offers.
That new approach landed him a $15,000 deal later that same day.
I know that might sound a bit unbelievable, but I have receipts. This was both a blessing and a curse for me. A blessing, because I've been able to help hundreds of people over the years. A curse because, for years, I didn't really know how I was doing it.
So, I finally sat down and spent time examining how my brain works... the questions I was asking in order to get those kinds of results for total strangers.
That's how the Creative Freedom Business Model Equation was born! Once I had it worked out, I tested it with a few of my clients before rolling it out in last year's CashFlow Creator Workshop.
I'm excited to announce that we've re-opened the doors to this popular workshop and I'll be hosting it again this month!
The Cashflow Creator Workshop is designed for entrepreneurs and business owners who want to create a business that reflects their personality, voice, and style and connects with more of their ideal clients and customers with greater ease. More money, more time to enjoy it. A business that works for how you're wired to work.
Whether you're just starting out or looking to rebrand and redesign your business, this workshop will provide you with the guidance and support you need to succeed. By the end of the workshop series, you'll have a personalized roadmap for building or refining your business, based on your unique lifestyle and goals.
This 5-day workshop series, running from April 17-21, will provide you with the tools and guidance you need to design a business model that works for how you're wired to work. Each day, we'll focus on one part of the Creative Freedom Business Model Equation. By the end of the workshop, you'll have a comprehensive understanding of what is and isn't working in your business and how to fix it.
Day one of the workshop will focus on the first part of the Equation: You. We'll dive deep into what really matters for you, including your values, personal context, and the mission/vision for your business. We'll look at how those things play together and what your non-negotiables are to actually feel successful. At the end of the day, you'll be able to communicate clearly the strengths that you bring to the table through your company, and what's most important for you - both personally and professionally - so that you can have a business that supports you to have more of what you want and less of what you don't!
On Day 2, we'll dive deep into the "why" of your business. Not YOUR personal "why" - although that's important, too. Instead, we'll explore why you're in this line of work, what motivates and inspires you, and what makes you uniquely qualified to do what you do. We'll also examine the core purpose of your business, the change you want to see in the world, and the impact you want to have on your customers or clients. By the end of the day, you'll have a clear understanding of the driving force behind your business, which will help you create a brand message that resonates with your ideal audience and sets you apart from the competition.
On Day 3, we'll dive into the "who" of your business model equation. We'll take a deep dive into your ideal clients from a different angle - those who already resonate with your "you" and "why" elements. Instead of trying to conjure up some niche market out of thin air, we want to connect more deeply with people who already resonate with who you are and why you do what you do. We'll explore who your ideal customers are, where they hang out, what they want and need, and how your business can best serve them. By the end of the day, you'll have a clear picture of who your business is for, and how to speak directly to their needs and desires.
On day four, we'll dive into the "what" element of your business model. We'll explore the transformation your offer provides for your clients or customers and identify any gaps or areas for improvement in your current offers. This day is all about fine-tuning your offers so they are aligned with your unique value proposition and the needs of your ideal clients or customers.
Day five will be dedicated to the "how" of your business model. You can deliver the same "what" in different ways - different "how's". A book, a course, and a video, for example are different ways to delivery the same "what". We'll examine the delivery and pricing of your offers, as well as your marketing strategy. By the end of this day, you'll have a solid understanding of how to package and promote your offers in a way that resonates with your ideal clients or customers, and generates the cash flow you need to sustain and grow your business.
This is one of my favorite testimonials from our workshop last year:
"This workshop is POWERFUL! And Lisa Robbin Young is a MASTER at the concepts and practices she teaches - not to mention a great coach. I got a level of clarity of purpose and strategy for going forward that had been missing for me. And it's a strategy that EXCITES me and had me saying 'YES! That's ME! I can do that!' Thanks Lisa!"
Teresa Romain - Founder of Access Abundance
Other attendees said they also experienced:
So if you're serious about having a business that works for how you're wider to work, get your buns over to my info page and register for the CashFlow Creator Workshop series and take the first step towards a fulfilling and sustainable business.
I'm capping registration at 20 people. If financial accessibility is an issue for you, please reach out. Partial scholarships or grants may be available.
My husband and I were talking about the movie Grease the other day. While I was conjuring up lyrics from "You're The One That I Want", Jim piped up and said, "The moral of that story is that you've got to change yourself if you want a man."
I was not seeing it. I mean, he's right that you shouldn't have to change yourself in order to be with someone you care about, but was that really what was going on with Sandy? Or was she finally letting herself be more of the person she wanted to be?
Throughout the movie, Sandy was this buttoned up bobby sockser - watching everyone around her living their lives out loud, while clutching her pearls and saying "I couldn't possibly!" at everything going on. Rizzo and the other Pink Ladies tried to get her "Sandra Dee" to loosen up, but she was too scared and possibly ashamed to do anything about it. Until that drag race showed her what she was missing out on by staying buttoned up.
Let me be clear: there's nothing wrong with being a "Sandra Dee" type - if that's who you really want to be. But you could tell, at the dance, that there was more to Sandy than the buttoned-up persona she had been sharing with the world. She liked being in the spotlight and was miffed when Cha-Cha pulled Danny away from her and won the competition.
Once she got over herself, her next evolution was a more confident, fun-loving person. Yes, she stepped awkwardly at first, but it was someone she WANTED to be. Not something she HAD to do. Sandy chose a path that worked for her and finally let the rest of the world see more of who she really was.
If you ever feel like your brand isn't doing a good job of telling the world who you are - or that you're being ignored by your ideal clients and customers, you might still be trying to show the world your "Sandra Dee" self, when you've actually evolved into a stronger, more charismatic leader. It's time to step out and shine!
Your brand is more than just a logo or a tagline. Your brand is the total experience that your customers have with your business, from the way you communicate to the quality of your products or services. It's the emotional connection that you build with your audience, and it's what sets you apart from your competitors.
So, if you're talking one way when you show up in person and your visual brand or marketing copy doesn't match, there's a disconnect that your right audience won't take the time to figure out. They'll just shrug their shoulders and move on. A confused mind says "no" - or at least, that's what I was taught decades ago when I started my online marketing journey. If your brand isn't feeling like you anymore (or maybe it never really did), then it's time for a tune up!
How do you go about building a brand that truly reflects your personality, voice, and style, and connects with your ideal clients and customers?
Clients hire me when things get out of alignment. The first place I look is their business model. You've heard me talk before about the Creative Freedom Business Model Equation: (You + Why + Who) + What + How. Every business needs a model that works, which is why I love this Equation so much. It's flexible and adaptable to any situation.
But how do you put this into practice?
Take a cue from Dolly Parton, another famous blonde from musical history. She's a true master of her brand and an undisputed celebrity in her niche. Dolly has built a brand and a business empire that reflects her personality, voice, and style, and has connected deeply with her fans for decades. Her music, fashion, philanthropy, and overall persona have all contributed to her success and enduring popularity. Dolly's unique style and personality have made her a beloved icon for decades. But beyond her music and fashion, what makes her so successful?
Using the Creative Freedom Business Model Equation, let's analyze Dolly's business model!
Know Yourself
The Equation begins with the importance of knowing yourself in order to connect with your ideal customers.
Dolly knows herself. She has a strong sense of self. She embraces her roots and values, and incorporates them into everything she does. She has never been afraid to embrace her unique style and persona. From her flamboyant stage outfits to her signature blonde hair and southern drawl, Dolly has created a persona that is instantly recognizable and beloved by her fans.
Understand Why You Do What You Do
Dolly's "why" is to spread joy and uplift others, which she does through her music, books, and philanthropic work. She's no Pollyanna. She's not afraid to talk about painful things, but she's also quick to look to the sunny side. Dolly has a deep connection and commitment to her audience. She's been open and honest with her fans, sharing personal stories and experiences that resonate with people on a deeply emotional level. Dolly makes it clear that she cares deeply about her fans and wants to make a positive impact on the world.
Your brand should be a reflection of who you are as a person and what you stand for. Don't try to be something you're not just because you think it will be more marketable or popular. Authenticity is key, and your audience will be able to sense if you're not being genuine.
You need to know what you stand for. Take some time to define your brand values β the principles and beliefs that guide everything you do. Then, SHARE them with your audience! These values are the foundation of your brand and can help you stay true to your authentic self.
Who Needs You Most?
To create a brand that resonates with your ideal clients and customers, you need to know who they are. What are their needs, desires, and pain points? What do they value? What motivates them? What kind of language and tone do they respond to? Once you have a clear understanding of your audience, you can tailor your brand messaging and marketing materials to speak directly to them.
Dolly understands that her fans value her sincerity, so she speaks from the heart - and isn't afraid to share hardship and poke fun at herself! She also knows how to adapt and stay relevant without compromising her values, such as when she collaborated with EDM artist Galantis on a remix of her hit song "Faith."
Your brand should tell a story β the story of who you are, what you stand for, and how you can help your audience. Use your brand messaging and marketing materials to share your personal journey and connect with your audience on an emotional level.
What Are You Selling? How do you deliver it?
This isn't just about your product, but the deeper benefits your audience gets from experiencing your work. Dolly is a singer and songwriter, so she's selling stories - in musical or written form. But what Dolly actually sells (the deeper benefit) is joy, connection, belonging, and hope. Whether it's music, Dollywood, OR any of the other "offers" that Dolly has for sale, the ultimate goal is the same - to put a smile in your heart and make the world a better place.
Dolly knows how to deliver her message to her audience. Her infectious personality and magnetic charisma make her a natural performer, and her business savvy has helped her build an empire that includes Dollywood theme park and her own record label, and numerous projects for film and television. Dolly has created a brand that has wide reach. And while she delivers it to you in a variety of ways, the "what" that Dolly delivers is the same every time.
Don't be afraid to let your personality shine through in your brand. Embrace your quirks and unique traits β they're what make you stand out from the crowd. Whether it's a love of 80's musicals, country music, a passion for hiking, or a quirky sense of humor, incorporating your personal interests and hobbies into your brand can help you connect with your audience on a deeper level.
Consistency is key when it comes to building a strong, authentic brand. Your messaging, visuals, and overall tone should be consistent across all your marketing channels, from your website to your social media accounts. Use the same color scheme, fonts, and tone of voice to create a cohesive brand identity that's instantly recognizable. Make sure they reflect the current you - not who you were 10 years ago! If it's time for an upgrade or update, talk to a brand design professional who can help your materials better reflect your awesomeness.
Building a successful business isn't just about branding - it's about having a solid business model that supports your unique strengths and skills. That's why we invite you to join us at our Cashflow Creator Workshop, where we'll dive deeper into the Creative Freedom Business Model Equation and help you create a business model that works for how you're wired to work. Register now to secure your spot and take the next step towards building a business that aligns with your values and goals!
Remember, building a brand takes time and effort. But with the right Equation - and a little inspiration from Sandy and Dolly - you can create a brand that has your fans singing "You're the one that I want!"
[Author's Note: Before you ask, this is NOT about the book "Choose Yourself" by James Altucher. I haven't read it yet. It's on my list. Pinky swear.]
A colleague (let's call her Gina) confided to me that despite being a six-figure entrepreneur (with real profits), despite having retired her husband, and despite being able to travel the world, she still grapples with her inner belief that she's just not good enough.
From the outside, it seems like Gina's got it all figured out. But secretly she worries that every success she's had is just a fluke... and that at any moment, everything she's worked so hard to build will come crashing down.
No matter how many wins she racks up, no matter how many clients she helps, Gina's inner critic keeps pointing back to that insecure, misunderstood, neurodiverse teenager she used to be.
Disobedient. Space cadet. Disorganized. No one thought she'd amount to anything mostly because no one took the time to accurately diagnose her neruodivergence.
And even though she can see herself more clearly now - even though she's killing it in her life and career - Gina still grapples with owning her awesomeness.
Impostor syndrome? Maybe. Gina's really good at what she does, and she knows it. She talks about the results she gets for her clients, so I don't think it's that so much as the programming that's keeping her from confidently choosing herself.
Maybe (as a survival skill or coping mechanism) you were conditioned to seek external validation and approval or learned to prioritize the expectations and desires of others over your own. Not that I speak from experience or anything! This often creates feelings of guilt or shame when you start to prioritize your own needs and desires.
That's a hard knot to untangle!
While it might be easy for some people to step forward confidently and say "pick me", choosing yourself is not always as simple as deciding to take ownership of your own success or creating your own opportunities. If that were the case, we'd all do it with ease! Sometimes there's more at play than you might realize. It's also about dealing with the inner demons that tell you that you're not good enough, that you don't deserve success, that you're an imposter, and that you're one mistake away from failure.
Additionally, choosing oneself often requires stepping outside of one's comfort zone and taking risks. When you choose yourself, you're putting yourself out there, taking risks, and exposing yourself to criticism and rejection. Fear of failure, rejection, or judgment from others can be powerful barriers to making choices that are truly aligned with our own values and goals. It's not easy to do, especially if you're a marginalized person or if you've been conditioned to seek external validation or play it safe.
"Suck it up, buttercup, and put on your big-girl panties" becomes a problematic platitude that just serves to frustrate and enrage rather than inspire action.
Choosing yourself also requires a certain level of self-awareness and self-confidence. You need to know who you are, what you stand for, and what you want to achieve - and vocalize it. So often that truth gets buried under the well-meaning "shoulds" of others. That makes it harder to believe in yourself and your abilities when others don't.
After my first marriage ended, I had a LOT of unpacking to do. So many stories of unworthiness were programmed into me from the years I was hitched to a well-intentioned someone telling me over and over that I was never going to achieve my dreams.
No, really! I do believe he thought he was being helpful by trying to encourage me to "just be happy with what you have" or that I'd be better off if I would just "get a 'real' job."
After you hear those messages for a while, you start to believe them. That's how brainwashing works. It took years of self-examination and staring down those old stories to remind me of who I really am. I didn't do it alone. I had friends, family, therapy, and now I have a husband who adores and fully believes in my magic.
Choosing yourself means being willing to go against the grain and chart your own course, even if it means going against the norms and expectations of your family, friends, or society. That's not always an easy (or safe) thing to do.
When we choose ourselves, we take control of our own destiny. We no longer wait for someone else to tell us what to do or how to do it. We become the driver of our own life, charting our own course and creating the success we crave. By taking ownership of our success, we also take responsibility for our failures. We learn from our mistakes, adjust our course, and continue to move forward.
But choosing yourself isn't always easy. It requires you to step outside of your comfort zone, to embrace your strengths, and to be vulnerable. It means taking risks and being willing to fail. It means letting go of the expectations of others and trusting in yourself. That's scary stuff, right there!
The power to choose yourself lies within you. You really do have the ability to create your own opportunities, to design a business that aligns with your values and strengths, and to pursue a life that's more in alignment with who you are and what you want to be about in the world. It means identifying your strengths, your values, and your vision for the future. It means being intentional about the work you do and the clients you serve.
Start by reflecting on your values and priorities. What is truly important to you? What do you want to achieve in your life and business? Once you have a clear understanding of your own values and goals, it can be easier to make choices that align with them, even if they may be uncomfortable or uncertain.
Then, recognize and celebrate your worth and value. It may seem awkward (and you might need some help), but YOU need to recognize that you are valuable, and that you have something to offer the world. Instead of trying to be someone you're not, embrace your strengths and use them to your advantage.
Redesign your business to be more in alignment with who you are and what you want to be about in the world. So long as it's legal, it's YOUR business. It's okay to do it your way! Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your unique strengths and talents. Write them down! Sing your own praises and remind yourself of them often.
Don't wait for someone else to give you permission to pursue your goals, take ownership of your success. Create your own opportunities and don't be afraid to take risks. Don't be afraid to fail, because failure is just a stepping stone to success.
Speaking of which, learn to reframe failure as feedback. Instead of seeing failure as a sign that you're not good enough, see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. While sometimes failing is a good indicator that it's time to quit, don't just assume that's the case. Ask yourself what you can do differently next time and how you can use the experience to improve.
Practice a little self-compassion and recognize that choosing yourself is not selfish, but rather a necessary step towards personal fulfillment and success. It's natural to feel fear, self-doubt, and other negative emotions when you're stepping outside of your comfort zone. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. Instead, acknowledge what you're going through and remind yourself that your feelings don't get to drive the bus. Make time for self-care activities to help you feel more centered and confident.
Surrounding yourself with a supportive community of like-minded folks can provide motivation to stay on track or encouragement when you're trying to prioritize your own wants and needs. It may be slow-going at first, but stay the course! Choose people who uplift you, support you, and believe in you. Avoid people who bring you down, criticize you, or undermine your confidence. In Gina's case, she found that her mastermind community was invaluable for overcoming her inner critic and staying on track.
Seeking out resources such as workshops, coaching, or mentorship can provide valuable guidance and support on the journey towards choosing oneself in business and life. As a coach, my job is intimately connected to helping people see the value they bring to the table and how to use that power for good in their lives.
Take courageous action. Not "massive action". Courageous action. The best way to overcome fear and self-doubt is to do something. Start small if you must, but take a step that moves you closer to your goals. As you take action and see progress, your confidence will grow, and you'll be more motivated to keep going.
If you're struggling to choose yourself, know that you're not alone. It can be hard to break free from the expectations of others and build a life and business that really works for who you are. But your world is waiting for you, and every minute you stall, everyone loses.
That's why do what I do! In April, I'm hosting my popular Cashflow Creator Workshop. This workshop is designed to help you create a business that aligns with who you are and works for how you're wired to work. It's time to stop hiding and start embracing your power to choose yourself. Registration is now open, so sign up and take the next step towards the life and business you truly desire.
On Saturday, March 24, 1984, five students at Shermer High School report at 7:00 a.m. for an all-day detention: "a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal".
That's where the movie, "The Breakfast Club" begins. Throughout the film, each student will struggle with coming to terms with who they really are (warts, sparkles, and all). One character in particular, Allison Reynolds, deserves some special attention.
See, Allison is a classic undervalued Unicorn. She didn't even earn detention - which, I mean, "earn" isn't a great way to describe it, is it? She went because she had nothing better to do. She's not there for behavior problems, skipping school, or bad grades. From what we can tell, she's smart, thoughtful, kind, and quirky.
On one level she's chosen to "punish herself". On another, she probably doesn't even think of it as punishment. Not unlike some of my clients!
Allison sits alone, ignored by the others. She's quiet and withdrawn, and she's constantly hiding behind her hair and a heavy coat. Allison doesn't say a word until more than 20 minutes into the film, but when she does, she speaks with thoughtfulness and candor. She's clever. She's smart... even if everyone else chooses to write her off and miss her brilliance because of it.
As the day goes on, she takes off her coat, both figuratively and literally, revealing the unique and colorful person underneath. She stops hiding behind her hair and pulls it back so we can see her face! By the end of the movie, she's no longer hiding and connects with the other students (especially Andrew) on a deeper level.
Was it easy? Well, yes and no. Allison asserts her stance while Claire goes to work: "I like that black shit." She's clinging to the benefits of hiding herself. But Allison soon realizes that when you let people help you, it can be safe to be seen for who you really are.
When she walks back into the library, she's uncertain how she'll be received, and quick to "blame" Claire for her appearance.
"What happened to you?" Andrew asks.
"Why? Claire did it!" She snaps. Then, with an air of uncertainty, she says, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. You're just so different. I can see your face."
"Is that good or bad?"
Regardless of Andrew's answer ("It's good!"), the uncertainty is still there. It's starting to melt and Allison's gaining confidence in being seen for who she really is, but she's still not there. It's only after Andrew gives her that external validation that she smiles and lifts her head with confidence.
But what if Allison didn't need Andrew's validation? What if she just strode into the room happy with her new look, confident from within?
That might feel like a stretch for an undervalued Unicorn. I mean, Allison trusted that Claire wouldn't steer her wrong when she let her apply eyeliner in the first place. And Claire had already given her validation before she walked back into the library.
But that still wasn't enough? How much validation do you need in order to be confident? What (or in her case, who) was she waiting for!?!
Waiting for someone else to fill your cup is problematic at best, and dangerous at worst. It can quickly devolve into something like an addiction - craving attention, being manipulated by the whims of others who dangle their approval like a carrot in front of your face.
Um, no thanks!
I mean, I grew up with it, so I know it well. And it's not healthy. Sure, it's nice to get applause and validation from others. But needing it and appreciating it are two different things.
The fear at the root of this "need" is one of three flavors: fear of failure, fear of judgement, or fear of abandonment. Sometimes, it's a slippery slope of all three. What if I take a risk and I fail? What if I'm not good enough? What will people think? Will they leave me and never return?
You might be thinking that if you wait long enough, the right opportunity will present itself, and you won't have to risk anything. Perhaps, but you might also be waiting a long-ass time for that magic moment to appear. Plus, I don't believe opportunity only knocks once. In my experience, opportunity likes to play ring and run. It keeps coming back, over and over, but you've got to be at the door to catch it. If you're waiting on the couch, you'll never get there.
This creates a feedback loop of low confidence. You're waiting for someone else to give you the credential, the recognition, the opportunity, instead of stepping into the leadership role that's custom-made for you. You think that if someone else sees your potential, they'll give you the invitation to play at their party.
That's not always the case. Sometimes you have to create your own opportunities.
Give yourself permission to be who you really are. Even if that's dangerous or scary. Don't wait for someone else to validate your or tell you that you're good enough. You're already magnificent! Find someone that helps you believe in yourself and won't let you buy into the bullshit lies the rest of the world wants to pile on. Then, take action toward your dreams. Even when it seems like no one is looking. If you're only working when everyone else can see and applaud it, you're not going to make much progress.
Take a page out of Allison's book. Take off your coat, engage, and let the world see who you really are. If that feels scary on your own, get help. Find a supportive community, a friend, or a coach to help hold space for the shining star you're becoming. Take small steps, a few at a time. Do what you can as you are able.
You don't need permission to pursue your passions and be yourself - because you already have it! Don't wait for someone else to tell you that it's okay. IT IS OKAY! Take a few small, calculated risks, build your confidence, and don't be afraid to fail. That's how you learn!
You have the power to choose yourself and create your own opportunities. Don't wait for someone else to recognize your worth - show them what you're capable of. Stop hiding, start shining like the star you are and OWN your dreams. Choose yourself and see who shows up to cheer you on.
Have you ever felt like you're not good enough, even though you know you're talented? Are you feeling like you're the only one who hasn't quite figured out this whole "success" thing despite your years of experience and talent? Like you should "be there" by now - wherever that is. Or worse you keep getting overlooked and passed over for other people in your industry who aren't as skilled, qualified, or don't have the same depth of experience as you?
Well, my friend, you might just be an Undervalued Unicorn!
You're probably wondering what the heck an Undervalued Unicorn even is. This is the best way I know how to describe the kind of clients I just adore! An Undervalued Unicorn is someone who is an absolute badass at what they do. They've got years of experience, a list of credentials as long as their arm, and a small army of raving fans that sing their praises. But they haven't gotten the recognition, the rewards, or the respect that they deserve for their genius.
Undervalued Unicorns sometimes fight with Impostor Syndrome, but usually Unicorns know that they are Unicorns - they know how good they are at what they do. It's usually less about feeling like an impostor and more like the sense of impatience and frustration that rise out of the Passed Over Paradox - being overlooked or undervalued by influencers in their field.
Undervalued Unicorns are some of the most innovative, risk-taking, and badass people out there. Because of your unique take on things, it's easy to feel misunderstood or like you're on the outside, looking in. You might feel like the underdog, the misfit, or the black sheep of your industry.
You have an advantage that others don't: you see the world in a different way, and that means you can create things that other people can't even imagine. Maybe it's a new business model, a new product, or a new way of doing things. Whatever it is, you have the power to bring your vision to life!
One of my clients is a perfect example of this. Jamie (not their real name) is a professional with more than ten years of experience in their field - and all the credentials that go with it. They envisioned a future where they would be on television, writing books, and being seen by the world for the expertise that they'd developed in their chosen field.
Jamie was definitely a Unicorn - a remarkable standout in their field - in an almost magical, mythical way. But what made Jamie an undervalued Unicorn was that they were grossly undercharging for their work. They mistakenly believed that they were charging the "going rate" for where they live and couldn't possibly charge more. But that rate wasn't sustainable. Jamie was compromising so much about themselves and the quality of their client experience just to keep that lower rate. Jamie could barely make ends meet when we met, and was ready to flip the tables and quit the career they'd worked so hard to build because they just didn't know how to break through.
Then, Jamie saw a newbie to their field charging nearly double what Jamie was charging - and getting it!
That's when a switch flipped.
Jamie finally realized they were ready to shift their thinking and open their eyes to how those false stories had been holding them back!
Jamie raised their rates and started showing up more visibly in the market. And guess what? The people who already loved Jamie loved this new way of showing up more powerfully. Most were even happy to pay higher rates to keep working with them. Those higher rates also meant that Jamie could afford to be more generous. Jamie created new offers that were financially accessible to people who might not otherwise be able to afford their new rates.
As Jamie's visibility grew, they got getting stopped on the street! Media outlets started seeking Jamie out for interviews. Jamie wrote a book and is now considered one of the foremost authorities in the world on their subject.
After years of working with these undervalued Unicorns, I can tell you that one of the biggest things you need to do is choose yourself. To stop waiting for someone else to pick you and create your own stages and your own opportunities. I know it can be easy to feel like you're not good enough, or just an impostor trying to fake your way to the top, but that's not true. Here's why:
First, Undervalued Unicorns are natural innovators. You don't just accept the status quo - you're frequently looking for ways to improve, to do things differently, maybe even stand out from the crowd in the process.
Unicorns don't fit neatly into any particular box. You're pushing boundaries and exploring new territory. Think about Prince - he was always breaking the rules and doing things his own way, whether it was his name, his fashion choices, or the way he approached music. He didn't care what anyone else was doing, he just did what felt right to him. And that's what makes Undervalued Unicorns so valuable - they're always pushing the envelope and bringing new ideas to the table.
You have a knack for thinking outside the box and coming up with ideas that nobody else has thought of. That's a gift that make a big difference!
Undervalued Unicorns are the mavericks of their industries. They are the rule-breakers, the game-changers, the ones who refuse to conform to traditional norms and instead pave their own path to success. That's not always an easy path, but it sure is rewarding when you can stay the course.
Unicorns aren't afraid to put themselves out there and try something new. Sure, it can be scary as hell, but that's what makes it so thrilling.
When Lady Gaga broke out in the late 2000s, she was unlike anything in pop music at the time. With her wild costumes, theatrical performances, and unapologetic attitude, she quickly became a household name. But Lady Gaga fought tooth and nail to get there.
Yes, her dad offered to pay her rent for a year, but she still had to show up and do the work - or give up on her dream and go back to school. In her own words, βI left my entire family, got the cheapest apartment I could find, and ate shit until somebody would listen.β
About a week before it was time to call it quits, a door opened... then a label signed her. Then they dropped her. But she just kept going. As a songwriter, a background vocalist, whatever it took to keep the lights on and play for one more day. Then, she got picked up by another label and they got her. The label invested in her development and the rest, as they say is history.
Lady Gaga's story is a prime example of the Undervalued Unicorn mentality. She refused to let the industry dictate her success, instead carving out her own path and using her creativity and innovation to get noticed. And it paid off in a big way - today, Lady Gaga is one of the biggest names in music, with a loyal fanbase and a string of hits to her name.
That kind of fearless attitude and out-of-the-box thinking is what sets you apart - and is essential for your success.
And the piece that is often the most difficult for Undervalued Unicorns to embrace is that you create your own path to success. You can't wait around for someone else to hand you an opportunity. Make your own.
I've lost count of the number of times well meaning people have said I couldn't make a living as a creative entrepreneur, or that I should have a "real job" as some kind of "back-up plan". The career I've built for myself is a real job.
Undervalued Unicorns that wait for someone to give them permission or validation are usually frustrated and resentful. It's a harder path, sure, but creating your own path to success is a major advantage in today's crowded marketplace. But having that much autonomy can also feel like a lot of pressure:
"What if I fail? What if it doesn't work?"
Oh, but sweetie... what if you succeed beyond your wildest dreams? What if it does work??
That can be just as scary sometimes.
It's not always easy to be on the front lines, but that's where you need to be if you want the success that seems to be passing you by. Own your badassery. Sure, you may feel like an impostor sometimes - or like nobody sees how hard you're working, but that's not reality. The truth is that you are powerful, talented, and freaking amazing! Take a risk this week and try something new. Show up more YOU than you ever have before - out loud and on purpose!
Believe in yourself. Choose yourself. Because if you don't, why should anyone else?
My first year on Twitter, I generated over $30k in income that I could point directly back to Twitter. Not every year is that great, and each platform is different, but rather than over-committing myself to a zillion social media platforms, I've been pretty strategic about where and how often I post.
But what do you do when there's a new platform you want to try? It usually isn't smart to throw all your eggs into the new basket at the expense of what you've been doing... unless you've been on Digg or Xanga or something. π
I've played around with live streaming a few times - my cousin's wedding, a couple of concerts, and a few sessions on Periscope back in the day.
But on the whole, I had too much resistance to make it meaningful.
What, me? Resistance? Well, yeah.
So my coach suggested I hop on Facebook Live and give it a try. Here's what happened:
You might not know it to look at me, but I'm not very comfortable in front of a LIVE camera - especially when you've got to manage where to put your eyes. Do you look at the screen? Then you're looking at yourself (awkward). Do you look at the camera lens? Then you can't see the comments. Do you look at the comments? What if there aren't any comments?
ARGH!
I'm not very comfortable with improvising. Over the past few seasons of Creative Freedom, I've gotten pretty comfortable in front of the camera with a teleprompter. It keeps my eyes and my mind focused.
I've not yet figured out how to use one in a LIVE setting, so I still feel pretty uncomfortable.
I want to break through my discomfort with live streaming and get a handle on Facebook Live in the process. So, I'm proposing an experiment. Each week, I'll be doing a live segment from somewhere in the world where I'll be answering your questions. Join me THIS Wednesday on my Facebook Page at 1pm Eastern/ Noon Central, as I answer an important question about whether or not you have to sell high-ticket items to be financially successful.
During the experiment, I may go live at various times during the day. I may not always be available at the same time every week. But if you follow my page, you'll always get updates.
Hope you'll join me!
When I was a kid, I was told that Black Friday was the biggest shopping day of the year, and was so named because it was the day that many retailers finally posted a profit and came out of the red and "into the black".
It's not true, of course, since the phrase is only about 50 years old, but many people I've asked offer the same explanation.
"Black Friday is the day when retailers become profitable."
It always bothered me to think that a store had to wait until the tail-end of the year to see profitability. How can you function for 10 months of the year without making a profit?
Sadly, I see creative entrepreneurs do it all the time. The struggle, the shame, the push-push-push of trying something - anything - to bring in money. And very often, it's Thanksgiving weekend (Black Friday and/or Cyber Monday) when they finally see some cash.
The way it happens, though, is all kinds of wrong. So wrong that, this year, I decided to opt out and NOT send any type of Thanksgiving greetings. It was hard for me because each year I like to do a give-back campaign around my book, The Secret Watch. Thousands of people have participated over the years, and it was hard to NOT do it.
But not this year. I just couldn't bring myself to be part of the marketing mayhem that this week has become.
My friend Leesa Renee Hall posted on Facebook the other day, bemoaning what she calls the "#gratitudespam" emails filling her inbox because of Thanksgiving. Leesa's Canadian, but that didn't stop the marketers from ruining the spirit of the American holiday anyway:
"This time of year, I like to reflect on how grateful I am for the life I have. I'm grateful for you. Without you, I'd be homeless, and I like my big house on the beach and my vacations to Hawaii. Thank you for being a loyal customer and buying my crap. Because it's awesome. And speaking of awesome, be sure to watch for my Black Friday email, because my offers are SO amazing THIS year that you'll pee your pants. Forget standing in line at the Apple store Friday morning. Get up at 3a.m. and wait for my email with baited breath because you know my shizz is off. the. HOOK!"
Or something like that. #GagMe
I'm all for expressing gratitude. Some folks do send emails that are just an expression of gratitude. I got an email from someone I barely know saying how much I meant to her as a loyal subscriber. It felt phony because I was a new subscriber, but I'm sure her long-time readers appreciated the sentiment. There was no pitch, no promise of something amazing on Black Friday. Just a simple thank you.
It was buried amid so many sales pitches, that it was hard to take it seriously.
Yes, I'm a little cynical, and the reality is that when you say "Thank you" and follow it with a request to buy your stuff, it feels fake. It feels forced. It doesn't feel genuine in the least. You seem desperate and pushy. It's as if you couldn't afford to let one email go out without making an offer.
So the crappy emails continue to pile up as more marketers try to pry your hard-earned cash out of your hands and into their wallets.
Ick.
I enjoy sales, discounts, and getting a great deal as much as anyone. My favorite purse is an Italian leather number that I got at a yard sale for $3. I was giddy for a week after that find! But I feel bad for the creatives (who already consistently over-give) that are discounting their Great Work because "it's Black Friday". They're bringing in money, but it's not sustainable - and it's not always profitable.
I rarely offer sales or discounts because of what I call "the Lane Bryant dilemma".
They've pretty much trained me to NOT buy anything at full price, because there's always a discount, coupon, or sale right around the corner. And many times, I can use it for the clearance rack, so why would I EVER pay full price? All those pretty clothes just sit on the rack until the sale rolls around, which I know it inevitably will.
In the mean time, I look at all those clothes and think they're WAAAAAY over-priced, so why buy them?
Lane Bryant has trained me to de-value their products.
I see it over and over again this time of year. I know several creative entrepreneurs who always make some kind of crazy low-ball offer "in honor of Black Friday". So I wait. I don't buy. They've trained me to wait for the super saving spectacular that is Black Friday - or Cyber Monday.
Instead of discounting your regular offers, why not do something remarkable? Create something exclusively for this selling season, and when the season's over, it's gone. Like the "McRib" or "Pumpkin Spice" everything. Limited-time offers don't have to be price-sensitive.
On the other hand, you could show real gratitude and just give something away. Again, not like a clearance sale, but do something special. A free concert, or digital wallpaper, or some other truly free offer that shows people that your gratitude is real. You don't bring a hostess gift to Thanksgiving dinner and then ask your host to pay your mortgage. You bring a gift because you want to show your affection (and gratitude) for the person receiving the gift.
That's what I'm doing this year.
All my subscribers are getting an invitation to a free webinar in December where I'll walk them through the pitfalls of planning for each of the 3 creative entrepreneur types. Each type has strengths and blind spots when it comes to planning your year, and if you rely only on your strengths, you may discover you're not moving forward on your dreams and goals the way you planned. The answer often lies in your blind spots. This webinar will help you see them, deal with them, and plot a course for a successful 2017.
And you won't have to buy anything to make it work.
If you're not already on the list, you'll need to get registered to join us. For those of you already on my list, an email is coming with more specifics. I'm not trying to be mysterious here. I just haven't decided what day to teach this webinar yet. When I do, I'll send out the email. It's that simple.
I am truly grateful for you. Not because you're my fan, a reader, a subscriber, or because you've bought my stuff. I'm grateful for you because you matter to this world. It wouldn't be the same without you. Your life, your story, and who you are matters. If I get a chance to be part of that, well, fantastic, but you don't need my products and services to continue to shine your awesome light into the world.
Thank you for being you. Keep it up. #ThatIsAll
"You can't win if you don't play."
Mom used this sentence to justify a lot of behavior when I was a kid: learning to ride a bike, auditioning for plays, joining the cross country team (I took 11th place in the city meet). And yes, mom played the lottery. She had a winning streak where, with a little help from technology and lottery dream books, she won several days each week for a few weeks. Naturally, those words rang through my head every time I was faced with a risk-reward decision.
Until this week.
If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you may have already heard about how I found this lottery ticket on the ground while I was on a field trip with my kid. I thought it was trash (LITTERBUGS! ARGH!), so I picked it up to throw away when we got to the car.
But when I saw it was a lottery ticket, I figured I'd check the numbers when I got home, just in case.
I won the BIG money, honey! TWO WHOLE DOLLARS! WOO HOO!!
Every morning, I sit down to do The PEACE System (a process I created to help clear my head and prioritize my day). Because field trips can be stressful - particularly with a special needs kid - I made a point of setting the intention to look for miracles.
Frankly, a well-behaved child would have qualified as a miracle in my book. I certainly wasn't expecting free money to fall at my feet. But hey, I'll take it!
I asked for (and was looking for) a miracle, and I got it. And the kid behaved, too!
You've probably heard stories about people who say "I won the lottery and it changed my life." Never did I think I'd be one of those people, since I don't play the lottery.
But winning those two bucks most certainly changed my life. If you want to test out your luck as well, you can go to sites like λ°μΉ΄λΌ μ¬μ΄νΈ, for example.
"You can't play if you don't win" is a double-edged sword. In a way, I did "play" because I picked up the ticket and cashed it in. But in a way I didn't play, because I didn't actually buy the ticket. It wasn't even given to me (in the traditional sense). And the person that dropped the ticket probably thought it was a "loser" because they played $10 and "only" won $2. They lost money on the deal.
But from my perspective, I was $2 richer!
The last 18 months have been arduous and hard for me on a lot of fronts. At some point, I probably faced down some depression, though I was never clinically diagnosed. I've done a LOT of questioning my worth, my value, and why I'm really on this planet in the first place.
Two dollars won't even buy me a soda at my local restaurant, let alone pay my rent, but it was a sign. A clear sign that miracles are there if we are looking for them. I know that sounds kind of mystical and metaphysical, but it's true. I found that money because I was looking for it.
Well, I was looking for a miracle, and I chose to see this "win" as a miracle.
You have to have your eyes open and show up.
You have to be willing to go for what matters to you - even if it seems unreasonable. Even if it seems impossible. If it's in your heart to have it, you have to be courageous enough to show up for it. And keep showing up consistently.
In that respect, Mom was right: you can't win if you don't play.
But she was also wrong. I won without playing "the game" (by society's rules, at least). That little lottery ticket opened a Pandora's box of questions about the "teaching" that's been passed down through my family for generations. The "lessons" and "stories" that, in a previous era, had to be true for survival no longer serve the person I'm becoming in this era of creative entrepreneurship.
In the past, if you didn't "play by the rules", you wouldn't be taken seriously, and you probably wouldn't even get a foot in the door, let alone win. There were gatekeepers, expectations, and unwritten "rules" that were foisted on you by your industry, society and "the world". These rules were designed to keep certain people out, and to protect the survival of others. You had to play their way, or you simply couldn't play.
Now, you have a lot more latitude to define success on your own terms and not just survive, but thrive. You can create your own career, doing what you love, and make good money doing it - without selling your soul. That's the entire premise of how I help my clients!
Those old stories that once served to protect, inspire, and motivate me, had been holding me back from the life and career I was meant to have. I couldn't see that until I won the lottery.
What thoughts, beliefs, and stories do you hold as true, that might actually be limiting your success without you even realizing it? Untangling those beliefs and thought patterns can be tough, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.
But here's the other thing that rattled my brain. I won $2. Winning anything was contingent upon someone else. Somebody else played the game, bought the ticket, left it on the ground. At least three other people walked right past the ticket before I picked it up. In short, I had no control over the outcome. All I could do was be in the right place at the time of the miracle.
Miracles are awesome, and they can feel magical. But they are, in many ways, unpredictable - even if you're looking for them. You don't know when they'll arrive, or in what form, and sometimes it's hard to know if it even is a miracle until well after the fact. Sometimes the worst thing that ever happened to you is actually a blessing in disguise... a miracle you won't see until years later.
In life, we can wait for others to open doors for us, or we can make a plan and get sh*t done. (Tweet This)
Waiting around for miracles is the snail's path to success. Can it happen? Sure! I just won the lottery, for crying out loud! But, I only won $2, because that's all the ticket was worth. Someone else got to dictate the terms of my success. I could only win what they played and paid for.
I don't want someone else to dictate how successful I can be. I don't want someone else to have that much influence over my success journey. I mean, I won't turn away blessings when they show up - even the $2 variety - and I'm not going out of my way to play the lottery, either.
I know I can't control everything - and some might say that control, like safety, is an illusion. But if I set an intention and follow it with consistent action, I'm going to move the ball further down the field more often than the guy standing around, waiting for a winning lottery ticket to fall at his feet.
Will there be setbacks? Most likely. As we all know, the so-called "overnight success" stories usually involve a lot more preparation and hardship than we realize. As Thomas Edison famously said, "opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
I'm no stranger to hard work, although I'd like to be. π
There were other gems of discovery that I'm still unpacking, and I'm sure you could tease out a few lessons of your own from this story, but ultimately, while I welcome all the miracles and blessings coming my way, I'm not going to sit on the sidelines and wait for them. I'm going to keep showing up, sharing my Great Work, and defining success on my terms. Not my mom's terms, or the terms of my ancestors, or even the terms of my fans and clients.
My game is the only game that matters for me. It's a game I'm happy to play, and one I can't lose, because I make the rules.
[Note: This is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, Creative Freedom. If you'd like to be part of the advance team and get more sneak peeks of the book, contact me for more info.]
There's a quote often attributed to John Lennon:
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
Dreams are kind of like that. It sounds trite, I know, but the reality is that if something really matters to you, there are really only two things that will prevent you from pursuing it in some way:
1. Death (in which case, you're no longer dreaming).
2. Something else that matters more (in which case, it's no longer your dream).
Death is fairly self-explanatory, so we'll leave that here and explore option two.
When I was a kid, I fancied myself as the next Madonna or Paula Abdul. I was a pretty good singer, and I spent countless hours practicing dance routines for the world tour I imagined I would lead once I became a rock star. I studied music at college, got a degree, and even moved west in pursuit of that dream.
Then life happened: single motherhood, relocation, marriage, second kid, etc.
For years, while my dreams of professional achievement languished, I put my focus, energy, and money into being a wife and mom. That was my priority. I made it so. I chose that life over pursuing my dream.
There are all kinds of "reasons" I could give as to why I made that choice. Here are a few:
Ultimately, I let guilt, shame, and fear dictate my priorities. Choosing to be seen in a certain light (by my family, friends, and children) were more important to me than pursuing my dreams.
So I didn't.
For more than a decade, my dreams sat in a metaphorical box on a shelf in the attic of my soul. I didn't touch my musical instruments (I owned seven). I didn't even play the radio much. Music was all but absent in my life, with one exception: community theater.
I was somewhat of a fixture at the local theater. Ted, the Artistic Director, knew I was talented and a hard worker, so I was practically guaranteed a role every season. Usually not the lead, but something that allowed me to be in the spotlight, share my gifts, and get me out of the house a few nights a week during the run of the show.
That was my "fix" and, for a while, it worked. I was happy to contribute and be part of something that gave me a small glimpse into the life I wasn't ambitious enough to pursue because of other "reasons".
A friend and I had approached Ted about doing a holiday musical revue. He loved the idea. As we began rehearsals, Ted told me that ours would be the last show produced at the theater. After 15 years, he was closing his doors.
At first, it didn't register how much I depended on Ted and this rag-tag bunch of musical misfits. We all had "other lives" that kept us busy - teachers, lawyers, service workers, college students - but on Ted's stage we were all equals. We were all craftsmen.
We were family - and Ted was breaking up the band, so to speak.
I didn't realize, until recently, how important that creative outlet was for me. It was my primary source of adult conversation and a safe space to practice my art. It was also a happy-medium for a married mom of two with responsibilities and "reasons" that kept me from pursuing my dream.
And then it was gone.
I briefly toyed with the notion of taking over the theater, but my life and financial situation at the time just couldn't swing it. That's when everything in my life started to unravel. My kid ran away and ended up in jail, we filed bankruptcy, I lost my car, my home, and I hit the skids - quite literally.
I was driving my husband's car on the freeway. As I started to change lanes, it spun out of control. I threw my hands into the air as the car swished and fishtailed across three lanes, landing in the ditch, facing oncoming traffic. I looked up just in time to feel the rush of wind as an 18-wheeler sped past.
Somehow, I was still alive. Unscathed. Awake. The car had stalled out, but was otherwise fine. A Freudian moment.
I reasoned with myself that I should probably be dead. The only reason I survived was because, as Lennon put it, it's not the end.
So why I was still alive? What was this wake-up call all about?
God talks to me in the voice of James Earl Jones - very deep, precise, and clear. Each morning for a few weeks, I posed the "why am I still alive?" question during my sacred practice. One day the notion to spend a year working on a new album crossed my mind. That thought led to doing 100 songs - just 2 songs a week. That's when Darth Vader boomed in.
"300 songs!"
I've learned not to argue when my inner Darth starts talking. So I started on the journey that has now become my 300 songs project.
Jim Rohn famously said "Become a millionaire not for the million dollars, but for what it will make of you to achieve it." About 100 songs into the project, it became clear that it was less about the number of songs, and more about who I was becoming in the process of making them.
I was unpacking my dusty box of dreams, recalling the value of these old treasures - some of which still had meaning for me, others from which I was finally ready to move on. I pulled out those old songs, those dance routines, and I had to decide what my dream really was.
See, your dream is relentless. It persists even when you don't want it to. You almost can't let it go because it keeps coming back to haunt you. Fantasies, on the other hand, are something that you can plow a lot of time, energy, and money into, but at the end of the day, you feel a relief to let it go.
Dancing was like that for me. I still love to dance, but I'm almost 100 pounds heavier than I was when I dreamed of being the next Paula Abdul. While I'm working on getting into better shape, the thought of re-conditioning my body to the level of a professional dancer feels like a punishment worse than death!
When I gave up on the dream of becoming a dancer, I felt unimaginable relief. Can I still dance? SURE, but on my terms - without the pressure of maintaining a dancer's body.
Becoming the next Paula Abdul or Madonna was my fantasy, entertaining and inspiring people is my dream.
In fact, I can't imagine my life without a spotlight and inspiration in some way, but if I could never dance again, I don't think I'd cry too much about it. As a kid, I believed that's what I should do, if I wanted to be famous. I should learn to sing, act, dance, and play an instrument - and be good at all of them. That way, I've got a much better chance at "stardom".
But as I unpack this box of dreams as an adult, it isn't about the "shoulds" of the world around me. I'm older now, and while I still care what people think of me, it matters far less than it did a decade ago when my roles defined me.
Those priorities don't matter like they used to. I stopped defining myself by what I couldn't have and began to shift my focus to what I really wanted - what truly mattered to me.
And that's the point. When something else - even fear - matters more than honoring the Divine call of your dream, you'll try to ignore it. But if it really matters to you, it will not remain silent. It will fight to be heard. It will wake you from your anesthetized way of living. It will violently shake you - with the force of an 18-wheeler - until you make a choice.
Then you will find a way to pursue it - in stolen moments while the kids are at school, or while waiting on hold with the power company. You'll get up early, stay up late, and make any excuse you can to take even the smallest step toward realizing your dream.
Or you will choose to let it go. No longer a priority. No longer the dream it once was. In which case, it's not your dream anymore, so it no longer needs pursuing.
Mourning the loss of a dream, or letting it go joyfully (your choice) is not uncommon. Kids do it every day, with much less drama and heartache. They find something new that captures their imagination, and they pursue it until it's not worth pursuing anymore. Everything they pick up and put down acts like a filter, helping them draw closer and closer to what it is that really matters to them.
For me, dance and drama led me to refine my skills as a storyteller, a performer, and to be more comfortable in my skin - critical skills that make me a better musician, author, and coach. For a time, I thought dancing was part of my dream. Dancing wasn't my dream, but it pointed the way.
Will your dreams always manifest the way you envisioned? Not likely. But that won't deter you if it's really your dream. Many are the stories of elderly men and women who found success with their dreams much later in life. Who cares how long it takes? The pursuit is part of the work of building the dream in the first place.
And should there come a time when other choices, other goals, other priorities truly do matter more than your dusty old dream, then pack it away for a time, pass it on, or simply let it go.
In the end, whatever you choose will be okay. And if it's not okay...
==========
Feeling stuck and unsure of your direction? I am honored to be co-hosting a webinar on May 12 with Tajci Cameron that might help. Tajci's a former Croatian pop star who left it all to try her hand at the American Dream, only to get stuck herself. Join us as we explore the steps she took to awaken to joy and purpose in her life and break the cycle of pain and fear that was holding her back. Click here to meet Tajci and register for this special event!