[Note: This is Day 7 of the Be Your Own Guru blog series. When you've been strapped to baggage for years, sometimes it feels like you'll never shake it Today's post gives you a context and hopefully some inspiration to begin shaking your own baggage.]
I've never been the tiniest supermodel on the runway. I don't think I'm ugly (I've done a lot of work on my self-esteem over the years), and still I recognize that my weight has never been where it's "supposed" to be. As a young child, I was the tallest kid in class. When the boys started passing me, I quickly became the "biggest" kid in other ways. As I got older, I tried lots of things to lose the excess baggage, but it was just exactly that.
I'm what you might call an "emotional eater" - though I couldn't find a strict definition among the various eating disorder websites that matched how I deal with food. Essentially, when I'm stressed I eat... and eat... and eat. The same for when I'm sad, or even really happy. Instead of people, my emotional extremes have always been met with food of one kind or another. (more…)
I believe that our lives speak to us in many different ways, some more subtle than others. (more…)[Editor's Note: This is Day Five in the Be Your Own Guru series. Katrina lives in Hadley, MA - just far enough from Boston to not be in Lockdown, but close enough to recognize the danger at her door. She submitted this post before the tragic happenings of the past few days, and it's a fitting reminder that sometimes, the best way to make forward progress is to go backwards.]
We spend so much time in our lives looking forward, moving forward, and dealing with things in front of us. It’s almost as if our bodies are trapped in tunnels - constantly moving forward, unable to shift direction. We forget to check the periphery of our space or of our lives. We lack time for exploration.
Literally, and especially figuratively. All of this "forward motion" leaves us without awareness of so many parts of our lives - both in movement and beyond. We stop rotating our spine to see the world around us. We forget to look up. Our breath gets stuck in our sternum, our oxygen levels decline, and our necks tilt forward. Even our spines compress, as a gradual shrinking forces our bodies into the tunnel of forward movement. (more…)
by Kadena Tate
[Editor's Note: On day two of the Be Your Own Guru Series, Kadena Tate helps us get clarity on embracing our own definition of success - even when others think it might be a little crazy.]
Crazy! Everyone offers a different brand of crazy. The question is “How can you unleash your brand of crazy in a manner that touches hearts and expands minds?” In my experience, it is easy once you embrace three beliefs as the foundation of your life and work. The three beliefs are actually quotes and that have blessed my life and my brand:
First up is a quote by the late martial artist Bruce Lee “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.”
Second is a quote by the poet Ms. Maya Angelou “When people show you who they are, believe them.”
Third is a quote by an unknown author. It reads “When you believe in your dreams, they may come true, but when you believe in yourself, they will come true”.
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.” – Bruce Lee
When you finish reading this article, you will have learned that you must be your own guru. It will be extremely difficult to achieve any level of success if you crave the advice and opinions of others. It is essential that you look within and see only worth, value and goodness. Looking in the mirror and saying things to yourself like “I’ll never be, do or have enough”, is a sure-fire recipe for failure. It will be nearly impossible to assemble your gifts, talents, strengths, abilities and the lessons learned from your life experiences into marketable and monetizable products and services if you are running here and there asking everyone “What do you think?” (more…)
[Editor's note: This is the same post I began the last series with. It may seem like a crappy way to title the start of this series, but I want to jump in and shake your snow globe right away. Remember, I've seen the posts that are coming up, and our guests have put out some amazing ideas. I have to kick things off in an equally awesometastic way. So here goes...]
While working with a client – a six-figure leader in her company, she said “I’m nothing special.”
“That’s right.” I said. “There’s nothing any more special about you than anyone else. There’s also nothing less special about you than anyone else.”
Believe it. That’s where strength and confidence comes from. (more…)
2013 started with the best of intentions. My goal is to record 300 songs before the year ends, and I'm well over 10% of the way there.
And yet...
It feels like this hugely daunting task right now. Like I'll never make it.
I know I'm in the thick of it. I know the year's only just begun. I also thought I'd be farther along by this time.
I mean heck, it's almost the end of the first quarter. By my math, that's 75 songs that need to be in the can by the end of the month.
I'm about half way there.
I was reading Josh Pais' blog. He was recently in a car accident, and (more…)
Over the last few months, I've been digging into what I really enjoy: music (over 30 songs are in the can now!), performing (check my upcoming gigs here), and learning about people. Specifically, I've been swimming through books like these about finding and living your true purpose. Ultimately, it all comes down to two things: connecting to your soul, and leading with your strengths.
Coming from someone that espouses the notion that you can follow your passion, build a Noble Empire and live an inspired life, that sounds kind of blasphemous, right? Well, let me explain...
See, you can't be whatever you want to be. You MUST be exactly who you are called to be. Sometimes, when our passion is aligned with our divine gifts, then we CAN be whatever we want to be, because what we want to be is exactly who we are called to be. But you can't just pick something because you see someone else doing it - or even because you might be proficient at it.
Is that confusing? Let me try again, with a little help from "Kung Fu Panda":
When "life happens" we buy into the illusion of control that Master Shifu so ardently defends and Master Oogway tenderly releases. I've maintained for a very long time that we are all born with what I call "undeniable gifts" - our personal arsenal of strengths that are meant to move us through this world with confidence toward success. When our gifts aren't suited to the demands that life throws in our face at any given moment, we dig in, start learning and "adapting" ourselves away from our strengths (instead of reaching out to get help from someone else who IS skilled at the issue we face).
We see our limitations as a deficiency on our part - something we've got to fix - instead of celebrating our innate, interdependent design.
What happens for many of us, though, is that, instead of returning to what we've been blessed to be good at once the storm is over, our strengths get buried, neglected, or overlooked in favor of those more "useful" skills. Your True Voice gets silenced.
It's then that our masterpiece gets covered over, stored away for a future day.
Many times, we never return, never dust off that masterpiece, and never display it with pride - because we're spending way too much time trying to fix what's broken, improve what's not working, instead of celebrating the glorious way God made us to be in this world.
Tom Rath said it best: "You cannot be anything you want to be - but you can be a lot more of who you already are."
Home Depot was faced with a big decision: keep growing at the expense of current stores, or reign in growth and tighten up what they're already doing to create more loyal customers. They knew when to call it quits and focus on what they do best. In an era when everyone is focused on "bigger" and "grow", Home Depot said "Hey, let's refine what's already working!" and they've seen great success in that.
What about you?
Are you focusing on what you do well, or bemoaning the fact that you're doing all kinds of stuff just to survive? Are you even in the arena of your undeniable gifts anymore, or have you locked that masterpiece up somewhere in the dusty attic of your ancient past?
It took me almost a decade to return to music with any meaningful effort. It's something I'm damn good at, but as a mom and wife, well it's not such a useful skill. Changing diapers, cleaning house, and keeping peace took priority over piano practice, learning new music, and touring.
"Life happened" all over me - and with it, the "shoulds". I let my own gifts go unnoticed because I was trying to be a better mom, wife and housekeeper. There just wasn't time left in my day to sing the songs God had already planted in my heart.
But somewhere inside my head, I had drummed up the notion that I was a bad person if I didn't learn how to do all that other stuff. An while it's true, we all need to learn some skills outside our comfort zone, it's important to remember that we've been blessed with gifts that will nurture us when we share them with the world.
I'm changing that now. I'm returning to my regular rehearsal schedules, dusting off old tunes, and for the first time in a long time, I'm even writing new ones. And the world responds accordingly. New contacts arise and new opportunities are offered in alignment with my dharma. I'm speaking more, getting on stage more, and in general, loving more of what life is offering. In short, I'm being more of who I already am, and less of what I'm not.
It's not always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Far too many of us walk around regurgitating what others have said, doing what others have done, that we forget about our own "you-nique-ness", as I've called it before. We want "blueprints" and insider help from a so-called "guru". We want the answers when we don't even always know the questions yet.
Yet, we see and understand truths we don't always articulate. We hear the voices in the heads of those around us not yet courageous enough to say what they're thinking. Sometimes we're one of them, and sometimes we speak up, step out, and shine a little - even if only for a moment.
One woman I know said it was like a big target was on her back. To her, being visible meant people were poised to attack her the minute she began to shine.
I hope I'm not the only one here who relates to that idea.
(more…)As a small child, I knew I was called to be a performer. I remember being 2 or 3 years old (before we moved into the house I grew up in) and "performing" for my family. I'd stand up on my wooden toy box, pretending it was a stage, dancing and singing for whoever would give me the time of day. I remember the day I was too big to stand on that "stage" - my foot went right through the lid and broke the toy box.
I grew up in a community where the biggest dream most folks had was to get a good paying job in "the shop". GM practically owned Flint when I was growing up, and the parents of most of the kids I ran with were either in the shop, or served the shop workers as teachers, lawyers, or doctors. Our town was a shop economy. (more…)
"Why do you blog so much?'
It was a valid question. And I tried to be open to where the truth laid within me.
Silence.
Not because I was unwilling to answer, but because the tears started choking me.
I mungled my way through some explanation about how it's an outlet for me to talk to people in the hopes that what I'm sharing will actually help someone.
Because that's where all my hope lies: that the crap I endure from day to day (and the good stuff, too), will somehow help someone else have a better time of it while they're on this rock we call Earth.
My coach and I have a deal: I am ruthlessly honest, and try not to go against everything she says (since I'm an 8 according to the Enneagram), and she plays it straight and "spicy" with me - never letting me off the hook for something. She helps me see my world through different eyes (a good coach is NOT a 'yes man'!).
Most of the time I love her, but in this very bare moment, I'm feeling cornered, and really want to hate her for a minute.
I guess it's a good thing she's also my friend.
"Well, maybe it's not serving you to do a blog series."
My "yeahbuts" start emerging, and we have a nice deep discussion about profitability, giving too much away, and finding the patterns in my offerings.
It was probably one of the most difficult (and necessary) conversations in recent memory, complete with stamping my feet and an "I don't wanna" at least once (okay, maybe twice) during the call. Especially since the thing I didn't tell her was that this series felt truly divinely inspired as a way to open up to my more spiritual self... that piece of my True Self that has been lurking and shimmering in the background for so many years.
All at once, I felt like it was an affront to a very spiritual decision I had made, to create a very public, very spiritual thing (at least for me at this stage in my journey), that I felt called to do in a matter of service, to you.
Who ever "you" may be. And that was precisely the point my coach was making (and I needed to hear it).
My business, as of late, has been a hodge podge of all-0ver-the-map stuff. Quite frankly, that's the way my life's been, too, for so many years, that I'm not sure I know another way of being.
"What is it that you do, Lisa? What is the theme?" she prods.
At this point, I really just want her to tell me because I'm tired. Funny how that works.
I got pouty and stamped my feet (okay, that's not the beautiful part). And in exasperation, it poured out of me:
"I'm so sick and tired of hearing the excuses! From clients, from would-be clients, from people who've never even tried. People are so much more capable than they believe, but their excuses get in the way. Why can't they just see that?"
Or something like that. Seriously, I felt like I was channeling that answer from either some place way beyond me, or some place deep within me - which is probably the same place if you examine it truthfully.
In order to get to the truly delicious stuff, I had to be willing to do the hard work of listening to what I didn't want to hear.
You've sometimes got to do the thing you don't like, because it's good for you. I've done this before, so I'm no stranger to it. I'm starting to think it's part of the truth of life.
"Before the truth 'sets you free,' it tends to make you miserable." - Richard Rohr
After conversing with my coach, I had the the angel/devil discussion going on in my head. One telling me to bag the series, the other telling me to tell her to get bent and do the series anyway.
Neither happened.
One thing I'm continuing to learn on my impatient journey is the power and value of being willing to wait - which is still incredibly painful and difficult for my forward-motion-craving self.
So I sat in the space between those two options for a day.
The series did go on, and I did not tell my coach to get bent.
Because I needed to hear that perspective. I needed to be willing to let those words fall into my brain and swim around. I needed to be willing to check back in with myself and face the possibility of cranking out a useless blog series, and ask myself if I was still willing to do it anyway.
And yes, dear reader, this series was one of those things I couldn't NOT do.
Because in my conversation with my coach, for the first time in my adult life, I fell into complete resonance with what I feel like I'm supposed to be about in the world (more on that in a future post), and got even more clarity about the doing of it.
For someone like me, that's a big deal.
Which brings me to today's prompt for your consideration:
I mean really willing. Like, "I don't care if it hurts, or is hard, at least I'll be feeling something real for a change." THAT kind of willing. We don't always enjoy parts of the journey. Heroes face very challenging opponents, get banged around a bit, and I've never once seen that happen and have the hero say "Hot Damn! That was fun! Let's do it again!"
No, being willing to throw yourself into the fray is tough stuff, my friend.
But it is where you meet your True Self. It is where you learn what you're really made of. It's where the milquetoasty among us lose out and stay with their pablum, never knowing their true capabilities.
It's not always rocky, but I can pretty much guarantee there will be some rough spots along the ride. So the first question you must ask yourself is "Am I willing?"
Are you willing to struggle for a purpose - rather than needlessly?
Are you willing to stand in the raging waters and feel them rush about you - maybe even push you around a little until you get your bearings?
Are you willing to hear what you don't want to hear because it's good for you and will help you more than any "yes man" ever could?
If so, you just might meet yourself along the way.
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If you're ready to dig into the heart of what really motivates you, eliminate self-sabotage, and live an inspired life, consider enrolling in an upcoming "Essential Why Workshop" and build your own Noble Empire.