You may have heard the story about Walter Matthau. An aspiring actor approached him at some function and said that he was looking for that one big break. Matthau, in his caring, yet cynical style, says , "Kid, it's not the one big break, it's the fifty."
Overnight success rarely is, and most creatives that have been toiling for years can attest to that. But there comes a time for most when the heat is on - from well-meaning family and friends - to think hard about doing something else. I'm sure you've probably heard one of these famous quotes before:
Mom spoke those well-meaning, heart-crushing words when I told her I wanted to be a professional musician. I think the words I actually used were "rock star", which may have prompted her advice. After all, being a rock star in the 90's wasn't as easy as it is today. You actually had to have talent and compete for a record deal with a major label in order to see real financial success.
Back then, during the "golden age" of music, who could have anticipated the collapse of the industry, the shift from physical to digital media, and the rise of the "Internet Star"? Heck, I recorded my first album just over 10 years ago, when social media was still a glimmer on the horizon.
Today, all you need is the Internet, a webcam, and a dream, and stardom is yours, right?
Not exactly.
See it's not about the big break, it's about the fifty. I might even go so far as to say it's not even about the fifty, but the hundreds, if not thousands of little breaks that happen almost every day.
Showing up every day to script and film your show, create your art, teach your audience, reach YOUR right people. Even if there are only five people in the room... even if no one shows up for your workshop.
When I decided to start teaching online classes, I didn't have a large list. Like everyone else, I started at zero. I remember when I got my first seven subscribers and I didn't know ANY of them! I felt like a rock star in that moment, for sure. Here were seven strangers who had signed up for my newsletter and wanted to learn what I was teaching.
I felt like I arrived. Over time, my list grew, and then came the day I posted my first event announcement and sign up form for a teleclass I was teaching. Three people signed up, and I was thrilled! I didn't have a big list - probably less than a hundred, but here I was leading my first workshop for three lucky people!
No one showed up on the line.
At this point, I had a few choices. I could cancel, reschedule the call for a better day and time, or just record the thing and share the recording.
I figured it was good practice, so why not just go ahead and record the thing? If anyone showed up late, they'd be able to ask questions to get caught up.
No one showed, but I recorded that class. And it was a good thing, too, because once I shared the audio, people listened, commented and shared. That led to more classes and a growing audience for my business.
Six years later, I got a call from someone who found that old recording online and hired me to speak at her event.
You just never know which one break will lead to the next. I guess you could say every break is a big break in waiting.
Creativity is about sharing your truth with the world. It's not about the medium, it's not even about the message. It's about being willing to be vulnerable enough to share yourself and let the world inside your brain for a minute or three... no matter how long it takes.
Steven Pressfield authored The Legend of Bagger Vance over the course of a few months. It was sold to a publisher three weeks later and optioned for a movie about a month after that.
He was 51.
He wrote his first novel when he was 24. That in-between time was all about the little breaks, as Pressfield writes:
"It wasn't all wilderness. Within those twenty-seven years, I earned a living for at least a dozen as a professional writer. I worked in advertising. I had a career as a screenwriter. And I spent six years writing unpublishable novels (which counts as work, too)."
Which brings me to that other iconic phrase:
It's often something we hear when someone isn't up to the task of their dream. A guy who wants to be a singer, but can't carry a tune in a bucket. A gal who dreams of being a dancer, but has two left feet. A kid with rotten comedic timing, who desires more than anything to have a spot on Saturday Night Live.
"Don't quit your day job" has been equated with failure.
I say it's time to reclaim the phrase. There's nothing wrong with a “day job” - if you're clear on your priorities and pursuits. Having a financial cushion will help you live more confidently and BE more confidently. It's easier to be your creative self when you're not afraid of how you'll get by if your Great Work isn't paying the bills.
They day job can a double-edged sword, to be sure. When I was jobless, I had plenty of time to create, but I also put an inordinate amount of pressure on myself to make my Great Work pay because I had kids, bills, and lifecrap that needed financial support or it would all fall apart.
With so much riding on everything you produce, you can imagine how much perfectionism and comparisonits can set in – two traits common in us Fusion-type creatives. I looked to “formulas”, “blueprints” and any other “surefire” approach that would help me generate an income. Trying to scrape by without the financial means that a day job could provide held me back for many years. I didn't say, do, or act on what I knew to be true, but followed the herd instead. My results were mediocre, at best.
When I let go of that fear, and gave myself permission to earn my living in the way that worked for me (and took the pressure of my Great Work) things shifted. I let go of the “shame” and “stigma” that most creatives ascribe to having a day job. As a result, I was able to be more creative AND make more money doing what I loved.
Funny how that happens.
Elizabeth Glibert, in her book “Big Magic,” confessed that she held down a job until well after “Eat Pray Love” made oodles of cash (she had written several earlier books). She never wanted to pressure her art into being the source of her survival.
Letting go of fear doesn't mean being “fearless”. Far from it. Letting go of fear means being willing to experience fear and not let it stop you.
I don't mean the "feel the fear and do it anyway" tripe that people like to profess. THAT is easy to say and hard to do. What I mean is being willing to own your fear and find ways to navigate it - support groups, or taking even smaller steps than you think you "should" be taking.
Like Confucius said "It doesn't matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop."
That's what I mean. It's not about jumping head first into the thing that scares the pants off you. It's not about speed to market. It's about doing what you can, as you are able, and just not quitting until you're done.
Instead of giving up entirely, and resigning our creative selves to life under the thumb of "The Man," let's take a page from the likes of Pressfield and Gilbert - who both held down other jobs while they relentlessly pursued their creative work.
Recognize your "day job" as your biggest sponsor, your Sugar Daddy, your benefactor - the one who keeps you clothed and fed so you can hone your craft.
And keep showing up for your Great Work, too. It might take you a dozen years, or three decades, or more. But does it really matter if you're doing what you love?
Someone asked me if there ever comes a time to quit. I'll save my full answer for another day, but here's the spoiler:
Don't quit your day job, and don't quit your dream. That next little break could be your big one.
Welcome to Day Four of the Creative Freedom Challenge. Here are links to Day One, Day Two, and Day Three so you can stay on track.
Today, I'm sharing an example of heart-centered marketing in action using what I call the "show & tell technique" It's a great way to bake the marketing right into your offering, and what better business to demonstrate this than a donut shop?
But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, let's talk baseball... sort of.
The movie "Field of Dreams" has been both an inspiration and a thorn in the side of creative entrepreneurs since its release in 1989. It's fun to fantasize about the throngs of people that will come to take part in and appreciate your Great Work in the world.
But what most people miss is the effort Ray Kinsella had to undertake before he ever made a dime with his ball field. In fact, he didn't even PLAN to earn a living from the field. He just kept hearing this voice telling him "if you build it, he will come."
(Notice, that little voice was only talking about one person? That's important to note.)
When many creative entrepreneurs first start out, they don't intend to make a living doing what they love, so this part of Ray's story is all too familiar for most of us.
Ray's neighbors in Iowa thought he was crazy when he started mowing down his corn, stringing lights, and building bleachers. MONTHS went by before Shoeless Joe appeared in the field (the first ghostly ball player from beyond the corn). It took even more time before enough players came to field a full team. By that time, Ray and his family were on the brink of losing everything. It's not until Ray's friend and daughter tell him that he could sell tickets and "people will come" that Ray understands what he's created.
This is the third issue I see so many creative, out-of-the-box entrepreneurs face in doing what they love and getting paid for it... they forget about the fact that it has to make a profit or it's not a business.
There's nothing wrong with plowing your cornfield under to build a ball field, just for the sake of having a ball field. But if you don't want to lose your farm, you need to find a way to make a living from it. And I don't mean squeaking by. I mean a profitable, sustainable living - without selling your soul.
You've got to let people know what you're up to. You have to be willing to put in the effort (and use heart-centered marketing to tell people about it), in order to see real, lasting results. Sure, there are folks that will think you're a little crazy - they said that about Lady Gaga, Steve Jobs, Thomas Edison, and a host of other out-of-the-box entrepreneurs, too! But if you're doing your part to let people know about what you've built, the right people will find you.
And they're going to LOVE you.
But what do you say? How do you tell people about your Great Work?
Smart, authentic selling isn't about pushing anyone or being slimy. Authentic selling is part of heart-centered marketing. It's the part of the conversation where you share your story about your offering with the people who most need or want what you have to offer.
You don't always have to tell the story. Sometimes, you can show it. Remember show and tell time at school as a child? I was always bummed when I forgot to bring my thing to show. Telling is fine, and I'm a pretty good talker, but when you can show - when people can experience your Great Work in a context that amplifies the meaning - it's a lot easier for people to say yes.
When I used to make and sell candles, we would regularly do craft shows where we weren't the only candle maker at the event. Sometimes, we had to compete with corporate competitors, too. Our display stood out because we used our vertical space to elevate the fragrances and make our little booth look more like a shop than a table of crafts. People could see us from across the room. We used twinkle lights to create motion and catch the eye. In short, we did everything we could to show our product in the best possible light (no pun intended).
It doesn't matter what your Great Work is. The more you can show (create an experience) the easier it is to sell.
A couple hours from where I live is a place called Cops and Doughnuts. When the Clare City Bakery was about to go belly up, a group of local cops bought it and transformed the little bakery into a mouthpiece for the community. The entire shop has a law enforcement theme (here's my "mug shot" from one of my multiple visits to the shop). The staff dress like convicts, the bathrooms look like jail cells (it's a poster they hang on the doors), and the cops wear their police uniforms. They've been written up in national publications and people come from all over the world to visit their little bakery and try one (or more) of their tasty pastries. It's quite an experience!
When you walk in, there's a huge display case with all kinds of interesting treats (including a cream-filled maple bar that's topped with bacon - no kidding!). The cops will interact with you, ask you questions, and make you feel welcome. They might even take a video of you singing and post it on their social media channels. They'll tell you about their different doughnuts and help you decide which flavor is right for you.
It's so much fun, and you never feel pressured to buy anything. Just helpful, engaging conversation about buying (and selling) coffee and doughnuts at the Clare City Bakery.
Show and tell at its finest.
What would happen if the employees dressed like every other doughnut shop employee? Or what if the cops put a curtain in front of the display case? How would you know what they've got to offer? Sure, the sign says "doughnuts" but most people want to know what options they have before they buy. I don't know many folks who walk in and say "Gimme a dozen doughnuts. Surprise me."
Smart, authentic selling shares the real you (warts, sparkles, and all) and removes the curtain from your display case so your potential buyer knows what you offer and how it can help (or delight) them.
It's not always about "solving a pain" - although I suppose if you're REALLY craving bacon you might make a case for that maple bar. As a musician, my music can inspire people and create delight. Some of my most viewed YouTube videos are my musical mashups - fun, funny parodies of popular music. It's not solving a pain, but it's definitely serving a delight.
Kind of like the doughnut shop - or "Field of Dreams" - it's up to you to educate people about how you serve them - about the experience you provide for them. Whether you're solving a pain or bringing them joy, be honest, authentic, and REAL with them by sharing the stories of your products and your company.
The best way to build a profitable, sustainable business doing what you love is to be yourself. Use YOUR words, tell your stories, and share your vision for what you're creating.
When you do it (and keep doing it, via heart-centered marketing), the right people will come.
Today, spend a little time thinking about your stories. What made you decide to start doing this thing that you love so much? How does it help (or delight) people? What kind of people does it help (or delight)? What stories do you have from your current customers that put your company or offering in a positive light?
Start thinking about what words you would use to tell these stories. Write them down and start practicing them. These stories are the threads that become the beautiful tapestry of your business. Stories sell. The better you get at telling (and showing) your stories, the more of your right people you'll attract.
On Day One of the Creative Freedom Challenge, we're taking a hard look at the biggest reason you're still stuck in energy-draining work, instead of getting paid well for doing what you love.
And it's not what you think.
Most people think the reason they're stuck is because they haven't made enough money yet to make the leap. If you're just getting started and stuck in a day job, that may be true. More on that in a minute. You can be several years into your career as a creative entrepreneur and still find you've created a "job" for yourself, doing things that aren't fulfilling - like putting out fires or picking up dropped balls.
In truth, "not enough money" is not the biggest reason you've stuck with your "job" for so long.
Lack of clarity often shows up in one of two areas:
1. Who you really are and what really matters in your life and Great Work (that's what we'll cover today).
2. How you want to show up in the world (we'll cover that next).
Amy Oscar is a friend and colleague. We met at a conference back in 2010, and she was kind enough to write the cover quote for my book, "The Secret Watch." Amy's building a global following on the back of her book "Sea of Miracles." Her Soul Caller program has evolved from a weekly free twitter chat into a series of courses, programs and retreats. She also does private sessions as an intuitive guide and healer. Amy has thousands of fans and followers around the world (some of them pretty well-known), and yet, with all those clear signs that she was on to something, she still hadn't quit her day job.
For more than 15 years, Amy was an editor for a national women's magazine. She LOVED her job, but as her Great Work through Soul Caller started picking up steam, she still hadn't let go of her day job to focus on her Great Work. Here's what Amy told me:
"I sensed that I'd put an important part of my soul in deep freeze."
She then told me how it took her months to untangle what was going on inside her. Ultimately Amy realized, when she considered her job versus her Great Work, the truth so many creative entrepreneurs face:
"One was always going to have me hiding behind someone else's glitter cape. I didn't just have a message. It was MY message to deliver. So many people are telling this story and each voice matters. Each story resonates. We need them all. Mine was different and it had to be heard."
Making the choice to pursue your creative calling can be complicated. It's not always easy. That's why clarity is so important.
Clarity comes from accepting your truth with what I call ruthless honesty: no judgement. Just seeing the facts for what they are.
Here's how Amy described her watershed moment:
"I was afraid to stand alone. It was never about the money. It was about my willingness to trust the world to love me when it could see me. And not just as a cog in someone else's wheel... It's about the willingness to come out of hiding. To stand in the light and be seen loving what I love. Being what I am. Which doesn't fit into anyone else's idea of what I could or should be or how I might serve their vision. It's about the willingness to step into the image I hold inside of my own heart of what I am.
"I realized that if I was going to be happy - and live a fully engaged, fully present life - I wasn't going to live a normal life. And I finally accepted that. I quit my job because the Soul Caller work was more important to me than a paycheck."
Amy got clear on the life she wanted to live, the Great Work she wanted to bring into the world, and who she would become in the process. When Amy got clear on who she was and how she'd outgrown her day job, she was ready to embrace her "own message to deliver" and share it with the world.
Amy's truth is a common one: more than the ability to make good money at it, the real issue behind making the shift into creative entrepreneurship is a lack of clarity (and perhaps a fear of being really seen).
Look, if a guy can earn a living wage making youtube videos about playing video games or unboxing action figures, there's no reason that you can't get paid well to do what you love, too. But you have to have clarity on who you are and what really matters to you before you can stake your claim on your Great Work and share it joyfully with the world.
Then, you've got to show up that way consistently. Sure, try it on and see how your Great Work can not only serve others, but also yourself. Once you've got clarity on that, you've got to have the confidence to step up and own your message in the marketplace on a regular basis.
But that's the next part of our challenge. 🙂
Today, spend a few minutes thinking about what REALLY matters to you - in your life and work. What are your non-negotiables? When I work with clients, we use what I call the 5 Key Areas of Success as the model for defining success on your own terms. Here are additional resources to help you get more clarity on what really matters and how you want to show up in the world:
Believe it or not, you already ARE a success. It may not feel like it right now, but it's true. Success is a destination, not a journey, and you're already here. Everything you've done (or failed to do) has led to this moment. Until you have clarity on what success looks like for your unique situation, it's pretty dang difficult to feel successful.
If you want to get all the updates in the Creative Freedom Challenge, along with a copy of my Raving Fans Toolkit, you can sign up right here (that box at the top of the page works, too).
What resources would you add to this list? Share your comments below and let's be a rising tide for everyone!
Thank you for the attention, the time, the support, and the VOICE you've given to a community that's had no voice for decades. While the "Flint Water Crisis" is just now in the spotlight, it's been going on for a few years now... and the bigger crisis in Flint has been going on for decades.
On one hand, I am thrilled beyond thrilled that my home, Flint, MI, is getting so much celebrity attention, because, as one minor celeb put it "maybe it will shame the responsible people into fixing the problem."
Wait. Say what?
While we all appreciate the support, I'm also all too aware at how quickly the spotlight fades. Lead poisoning has a lifetime of devastating effects, and while I'm glad for the millions of bottles of water being trucked in for Flint residents, I am also angry and cynical that this is just a PR stunt for so many of these celebs. It is easy to throw money at the problem and say you have done your part, but where will that support be in 5, 10, or 20 years when the people permanently affected by lead poisoning need continued educational and medical care?
Yes, Flint needs clean water right now, but this is a very long-term issue... And Flint is not the only city with issues like this. I know that while Flint is the "Tragedy Du Jour" you'll be tweeting, throwing cash our way, and maybe even holding a benefit concert or two (not in Flint, of course, but hey, at least you're helping!)
When I heard that Jimmy Fallon was donating $10k to the Flint water situation, I had mixed emotions. Yep. Ten grand is great, but it's also (no pun intended) a tiny drop in a very large bucket.
Here's what I mean:
When my husband and I bought our first home as a married couple (in what is now one of the hardest-hit zip codes in Flint), someone stole all the copper pipes out of the house before we could move in (yes, Flint is in THAT much financial peril, folks). I cost us nearly $10k to have the pipes and boiler replaced.
Which, if you do the math, means that Jimmy's wonderfully generous donation MIGHT help one home get replacement pipes. And that largely depends on who he donates it to, and how they use the funds. The Community Foundation of Greater Flint won't even use that money to fix the pipes, though they are making a plan for long-term supports for the children of the community (YAY!).
There are tens of thousands of affected homes for nearly a hundred thousand residents (plus all the vacant homes), and that doesn't count the underground pipes - which the government is estimating at approximately $1.5 Billion.
My friend Dave does a better job than I do of explaining how it's NOT the river's fault. At least, not entirely. Because the community knew the river had issues decades ago due to corporate dumping (Thanks, GM!), there's been a concentrated effort to clean it up. And the river, while somewhat corrosive, is, as Dave says, "well on its way to recovery". Kettering University even issued a report stating that it's not the river, it's the process between the river and the faucet that caused the problems.
#It'sNotTheRiver
When I was in my 20's, I played a game called SimCity 2000. In it, there was a scenario based on the 1970's industrial decline of Flint. I played that scenario for months and never could win (I am not the only one). I later learned that the fastest way to beat the scenario was to lower all the industrial taxes to zero.
If only it were that simple in real life. Governments across the country do stuff like this to woo industry to the area. You know, like when Michigan lowered taxes to lure film makers to our state. Semi-Pro, anyone?
But once the incentives are gone, there's no incentive to stay. Faster than that ill-fated Will Ferrell flick left the theaters (which was filmed in Flint, by the way), industry bails on the community that lured them there.
GM had it good for decades, and when globalization gave them greener pastures in places like Mexico, they split. And guys like Michael Moore (who can only claim Flint as his birthplace, NOT his home. Don't get me started!) use it as a platform to further their careers.
Ugh.
And now there's this whole water debacle. I won't go into what some people consider the politically or racially motivated aspects of this story. It's an incredible morass with lots of finger pointing at all levels of government that people are still trying to filter. The fact remains that people are sick, poisoned, and in a panic about whether or not they can trust the water coming out of their tap... for good reason.
Flint isn't the only city with aging - dare I say crumbling? - water infrastructure. If you look at many cities in America's so-called "rust belt" (of which, Sebring, Ohio, would also qualify), you see communities that held too tightly to the industries that left them for "greener pastures". These communities counted on that tax base, didn't plan accordingly, and when the corporations pulled out, were left with a shrinking tax base and bulging financial needs.
Now their infrastructures are failing. In Flint, an Emergency Manager was called in by the state to "fix" the problem. He's now "fixing" the problems in the Detroit public school system - with comparable results.
Unfortunately, Flint residents can't just opt to not participate as a show of protest. This is water we're talking about. We use it for just about everything.
Sure, it can be said that these communities didn't set up sinking funds to handle upgrading and improving infrastructure, but I don't place the blame at the feet of these communities. How could they know that the industries they wooed, that they pinned their hopes on, that they built their towns around, would abandon them?
But abandon them, they did. When I drive past the corner of Dort and Davison in Flint, I shake my head. Less than 5 years ago, a massive factory (Delphi Flint East) sprawled across the landscape. A bustling micro economy surrounded the facility: stores, restaurants, bars, gas stations. Now, the entire area is practically a wasteland, as the entire complex has been leveled, fenced, and "left for dead" - another contaminated brownfield in another Flint neighborhood.
There are those that believe clean, safe water isn't a universal human right (or that water should be privatized - take your pick). But privatization may or may not fix the infrastructure. Plus, nearly 40% of Flint residents live at or below the poverty line. More than 50% are minority groups. Mixed races (like me) make up about 3% of the population, while the city on the whole is predominantly black...in part due to decades of "white flight" to outlying areas.
So basically, the people who could afford to leave, did. The people who couldn't afford to leave are now trapped. Property values were already redlining across most of the city. Do you think it's going to get any better now that homes across the city have lead issues? Even with Flint back on the Detroit water system, the damage has been done.
And then there's the guilt... Because I was able to move out just before the water was switched (we are just outside the city now), but my son wasn't so lucky. He was there with his girlfriend when the city switched over to river water in 2014. Right away they knew there were problems ("cosmetic" according to government officials). They didn't drink it, thankfully, but they bathed and cooked with that water for nearly a year before he, too moved out of Flint.
They would come and visit regularly, and we'd send them home with all the water we could bottle up for them, since their locals stores were always sold out of bottled water. That was two years ago. We still don't know if it had a lasting impact because he isn't eligible for treatment because he doesn't currently live in Flint. Even undocumented aliens in the area haven't been able to get clean water because they can't prove residency (that's changing now, thankfully).
I understand the need for these rules, but this is SUCH a mess. The city has started sending out past due water notices and threatening to call child protective services if the bill isn't paid... Because state law requires running water in a house for child welfare, but apparently, it doesn't have to be drinkable.
Lastly, don't be fooled into thinking this is an isolated incident. The story of Flint's political intrigue and industrial decline could happen anywhere (and it has). You are not immune. Yes, perhaps bringing light to Flint will "shame those responsible into fixing the problem" - but more often than not, it doesn't work that way. And why should we have to shame people into doing what's right? What's happened to the world that it requires shame to get our leaders to actually lead our communities?
I am holding joy, guilt, pride, fear, anger, and skepticism in my heart right now. Because while the spotlight shines on Flint for a time, we all know that spotlight will eventually fade, and people will still be in need for many years to come.
So thank you, Hollywood, for being part of the solution in Flint, but realize that this is just a band-aid. Sure, we need band-aids, but they don't last. Ask yourself: will you be around when it's no longer "sexy" to be part of solving Flint's issues, or is this just another tool to further your career?
Take a look at the LONG list of people from Flint who have populated entertainment, sports, and more. For as many problems as this midwestern, middle of nowhere community has, it has been a fountain of magnificent people for decades. Some used to joke that all this amazing talent couldn't be a coincidence. "It must be something in the water" they used to say.
I wonder if they'd say that now?
Where would YOU be without the people from Flint?
To all my Flint ex-pats: How are you supporting the very community that made you? Did you leave with no desire of ever turning back? Did we forget from whence we came?
As an entrepreneur, I understand why companies pull out of a community for better economics, but as a human being I ache for the people left behind in a mess like this. I am committed to being part of the solution, and my company's shifting our giving for the next 15 years (at least) to support Flint's ongoing needs.
Band-aids have to be replaced. But Flint needs a long-term solution that no one person can provide, and I can only hope that all our drops together can flood the system and begin to heal this incredible nightmare.
Kind of like the amazing comeback of the Flint River itself.
[Editor’s note: This is the next installment in a series of posts. Each year since November, 2010, I've posted an annual re-cap of my happenings and a projection of things to come. If you're ambitious, curious, or just plain bored, you can find the previous posts here: 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 ]
For six years now, I've been selecting a theme to carry me into the new year. I'll get to this year's theme shortly, but before I do, let's look back at the crazy, effed-up, wonderfully horrible year we called 2015.
The theme for 2015 was Compassionate Determination, which was about creating my own niche, living as myself more consistently, and not wearing so many masks in my life and work. As I mentioned in my previous post, it's about progress, not perfection, and being consistent met with more challenges than I anticipated. I'll admit that sometimes I forgot it. It's easy to get overwhelmed in the day to day of working and living. I think John Lennon said "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" and that was a clear reflection of 2015. So much "life" happened.
Here's my recap of my 5 Key Areas of Success:
From a financial perspective, 2015 was awful. My total business income was roughly $3k.
Nope, that's not a typo. I didn't leave off a zero. Yes, it's scary to admit that.
Three thousand dollars. $3,000. USD.
And if I hadn't planned on it, everything else would have sucked, too.
Some would call me "lucky" and say that because I had a husband to "take care of me" I didn't need to make any money. But that's not true. My business has to stand on its own - without sucking money out of our family finances. I paid myself for the work I did during the year, and still managed to have one of the most profitable years on record (percentage-wise) in my business because of the strategies I implemented in 2014. Profitability, for me, is not just about the money anymore. It's about the quality of life.
Two things I knew I wanted to accomplish this year: re-focus my brand and get my album, The Fine Line, out into the world. A good portion of my income this year came in during my work on the web series $30 Days to $5k. It might be a spoiler to tell you that I didn't hit that goal, but the experiment in offering paid entertainment programming was a big success. I filmed a 30 day reality-type series and offered it for about what you'd expect to pay for a season of your favorite TV show. It was one of my biggest-selling offers of the year. People who watched it said they got a lot out of it and it gave them a deeper insight into what really matters to them as well as who I am and how I operate in the world.
As for re-focusing my brand, well, that wasn't as easy as I'd hoped. I began my online coaching journey about 10 years ago, working with direct sellers almost exclusively. In fact, Direct Sales Classroom and its flagship program, Direct Sales 101, still serve clients from all over the world, even though I don't promote that website much at all. People still find that site via search engines, which speaks to how well it's positioned in the marketplace, despite my lack of attention through the years.
A few years ago, as my audience expanded, I started waffling back and forth, working with all kinds of entrepreneurs. Best selling authors, direct sales leaders, and even people who have chronic health problems have come to me seeking new ways to reach more of their right people using the internet. It made it very difficult to clarify who I help best. As a result, I had clients all over the map, and I couldn't figure out their common denominator in a way that would allow me to speak to them with confidence and clarity... something I'm pretty good at helping other people do.
Oy.
"I ran away in shame and pride, but the echo in my heart keeps telling me to try." - What Love Can Do
So, 2015 was the year I dug in and got market clarity. I researched, tested, tweaked, interviewed, listened, and spent countless hours honing in. Some would say I spent too much time listening, and not enough time "shipping", but I disagree. I debuted the first season of "Creative Freedom", launched two new training programs, an album, and the aforementioned paid web series. Add to that my music videos with Des, and it was a pretty full year - it just wasn't focused on making a lot of money. It was focused on testing the market, validating demand, and really listening to what my audience was telling me.
So often entrepreneurs, especially creatives, throw so much spaghetti on the wall they don't have time to see what's really sticking because they're too busy cleaning up their mess. Chaotic Creatives want everything to show up a certain way. Linear Creatives want results YESTERDAY, and Fusions want it all.
In that pursuit, there's a lot of rushing, a lot of hurry, a lot of "hustle" that, frankly, can kill you, and I wasn't having any of that.
On the physical fitness front, I learned a lot about what triggers me as an emotional eater. I learned that I have cycles of "bad eating choices" that coincide with school breaks. In short, when the kids are home, I stress out and eat more... or at least, I did, until I figured that out. Now, I'm spending more time in my new office (more on that in a bit), and less in the kitchen - which was the hub of activity in our old house. I'm inching my way down the scale, and I'm buying smaller clothes. All good signs in my book.
I also watched "the hustle" nearly ruin four colleagues last year. They all hit major financial milestones, but their health and mental well-being fell apart. One nearly died from a burst appendix because they were "playing through the pain" to complete a project launch. Sure, they hit six figures, but it cost them a lengthy hospital stay in the process. Another pushed so hard to launch her program and hit seven figures (while she was pregnant and due any day), that after it was all over, she spent a week doing nothing but waking up, feeding the baby, and going back to sleep. She admitted to being depressed, unmotivated, and exhausted.
Gee, I can't imagine why.
To be clear: they were not my clients. I don't advocate that kind of approach. The "push. push, push" approach to "fast cash" attacks the heart of what it really takes to build a profitable, sustainable business. Sure you can work like crazy (well, some people can), but then you have no life. I remember the great Jazz vocalist, Wesla Whitfield, once saying that people told her she'd never have a career in Jazz if she stayed in San Francisco. She replied "That's right! I'll have a life!"
This fabulous woman - who was paralyzed by a shooting in her twenties - is a staple in Jazz music, with over 500 songs in her repertoire, dozens of albums to her credit, and a musical legacy that has inspired people all over the country. She's been doing what she loves for decades, despite her circumstances, and making a good living doing it.
That is what profitable and sustainable looks like. Yes, it's glamorous to brag about making millions of dollars in less than half a nanosecond, but that's not the norm. Not for creative entrepreneurs who are in it for the long haul.
And I am.
On the mental fitness front, I challenged myself and read over 25 books this year - and not all of them non fiction! I spent time with Shakespeare's sonnets and whole lot of Dr. Seuss, alongside helping Lewis Howes and Michael Port launch their new books into the world last fall.
In the process, I got inspired to write another book, which is nearing completion. Creative Freedom is a how-to book specifically for Creative Entrepreneurs who want to make good money doing what they love serving an audience that loves them right back. I spent a good part of the year meeting, interviewing, and learning about all kinds of creatives, which led me to develop my Creative Freedom Entrepreneur Type Quiz. Hundreds of people have taken the quiz and it's been a big help to my research for the book.
I also met some really fascinating people (that's me and Tajci Cameron in the photo), reconnected with some old friends and colleagues, and had some challenging conversations about race, gender, diversity, and inclusion. I was really proud of myself for NOT shying away from those conversations, which I might have done in previous years, just to avoid conflict. Being myself, fully and completely, means being willing to speak my truth, in love, with the people that matter most to me.
That wasn't always easy this year.
Which brings me to the hardest subject of the recap. The people that matter most to me. As I mentioned in my last post, 2015 was a long slog at figuring out what really matters. What's staying, what's going, and all that jazz. We talked early in the year about relocating to Nashville, but that didn't happen. Lots of emotional baggage and childhood trauma reared its head. Tempers flared. Things were said. We survived it. The upshot was my need for freedom. To be mobile, agile, and able to travel. I need people. My husband doesn't. He's content to live like a hermit. I am not. So we bought a house (which actually saved us a good deal of money every month),and upgraded my car.
Then, I asked my husband for a divorce.
I don't say that glibly. There's no joy in that sentence. It's taken years to make this decision, and I didn't make it lightly. I truly love my husband and want nothing but the best for him. Even after 12 years together (10 as a married couple), our wants and needs are still in opposition to one another, and that's painful for both of us. If one of us is happy, the other is frustrated or feeling anxious, which doesn't make it easy to be married to each other. I want him to be truly happy, in a meaningful relationship with someone that is in alignment with what he wants and needs. I want that for myself, too. I believe we'll both have happier, more enjoyable lives if we're not married to each other.
"My wounds are deep, I can't deny. And the salty rivers flow down my face 'til they run dry." - What Love Can Do
So while I intended to take only a month off for the move last fall, it turned into a season-long hiatus because of depression, fear, and other emotional baggage that I had to work through to come clean in my relationship with my husband. There's no need for commentary, and we're still in the early stages of sorting this through. We're committed to doing this our way as much as possible - focused on doing right by our son, giving him the best possible environment in which to thrive, with no mud-slinging, fighting, or passive-aggressive behavior. We're still in the same house. We're still co-parenting, and for now, there are no plans to change that. I'm sure that will evolve as time moves on, but for now, that's where we're at and it works for us.
The new album is out in the world and has already outperformed my last two albums combined. That was a huge leap of faith for me. I can't tell you how many people (friends and family alike) told me that it was a bad idea to do an album of pop-infused jazz and blues tunes. Nobody will buy it. Nobody will listen to a jazz version of Paula Abdul's "Straight Up" or Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine" - well, maybe once, but who's going to listen to it over and over again?
Apparently at least three times as many people as bought my last two albums combined.
I can start breathing again.
"I heard a whisper on the wind and an echo in my heart tryin' to tell me to begin." - What Love Can Do
I put a lot of time and effort into this album. After spending several years working myself to the middle of 300 songs, and bringing Des on board as a permanent fixture last year, it was time to put the album to bed and get it out into the world. But it didn't exactly go as planned.
All kinds of things tried to thwart our progress. I got sick several times and ended up not being able to record the vocals until after we completed the move. We kept pushing back the launch date until, finally, I bumped it to 2016, just to be sure I could get the project done.
After getting sick a few more times during and after the move, I recognized the tell-tale signs of an upper-limit problem. So I focused on extreme self care for the remainder of the year, just so I could finish the album.
Mission accomplished.
I expect 2016 will be more of the same. I just turned 41, and women keep telling me that your 40's are the best years of your life, So I'm going to try and hold them to it. I've got new tools and support options launching this year, and I'm getting closer and closer to the core of ME.
My goal this year is to come to terms with my divorce with grace and compassion (for both of us). In the process, I've still got work to do: a summer concert tour, a new group coaching program for creative entrepreneurs, and of course, the launch of Creative Freedom - the book and the second season of my web show. Oh, and I'll be studying acting with Kevin Spacey this Spring, booya!
Those are just the tip of what appears to be an exciting iceberg for 2016.
Let's pray we don't run aground, okay?
"Once again your love is calling with the words, so gentle, and so clear." - What Love Can Do
It's about stepping up, stepping out, and shining my light for all my world (or at least my right audience) to see. It's scary, but it's also pretty freaking awesome. I already have a great story to share (but I'll save it for the next blog post). It takes a certain level of clarity, confidence, and courage to show up every day as yourself - warts, sparkles, and all - without letting the world deter you. The good news is, you already know how, because it's born in you. You were made to be you. And I was made to be me. And that's exactly what the world needs. Judy Garland said it's better to be a first rate version of yourself than a second rater version of someone else.
That is what I'm up to in 2016.
It's a work I began in earnest last year: peeling off the layers of dust and debris, practicing showing up as me - even if people might find the real me a bit to their disliking. As luck would have it, the more me I shared, the better my friendships became - even if we didn't always see eye to eye. Relationships got real. People drew nearer, and they didn't run screaming for the hills as I feared they would.
That's the power of love - loving yourself and putting as much time and energy there as you do any of your other relationships. For decades, I didn't. I put everyone else before me. I even taught this stuff, for pity's sake, but we often teach what we most need to learn. Turning and returning to a place of love and loving service (to myself and others), that is what I choose to radiate in 2016.
What about you?
[Note: this is the condensed version of my annual year in review. A more in-depth piece is coming next week, but since today is a special day, I thought this was timely and appropriate.]
I "broke" my first resolution ON New Year's Day. I don't tend to take them too seriously, but since it's a cultural tradition, I try my hand at considering waht would really serve me during the new year. One of those things is to eliminate gluten from my diet completely (long story).
But as we rang in the new year, I was happily munching on a cookie or something.
2016 is already reminding me that it is about progress, not perfection.
Since today is my birthday, and it's only a few days after the new year, it's always a great opportunity for some personal reflection. I was ready to shed my skin and embrace more of my true self in 2015. I was turning 40, and dammit, I was gonna be myself whether people liked it or not.
What I forgot was that, in order to shed skin, there's a lot of writhing and friction before you emerge victorious with more wiggle room. I wasn't ready for all the writhing, all the friction, and all the other things, people, etc. that I had to let go of that we're part of my "old skin". As a result, 2015, though punctuated by some pretty awesome experiences (like finishing my album (on sale now!), getting a car, meeting new friends, and reconnecting with some old friends), was mostly a long slog at figuring out what gets to stay and what will go when the shedding is complete.
I don't regret the work, and I am certainly ready for more peace and ease this year. 2015 was hard and painful for me, but I am choosing to see the friction and writhing as a necessary step to the beautiful re-emergence that 2016 promises to hold.
This year, however, I am practicing more compassion with myself. Instead of expecting that things "should have already happened by now" I am setting the intention to just be where I am as much as possible and own the truth of my life and work. It is what I've chosen to make it, for better or worse. There will always be someone who doesn't get it, doesn't like it, or doesn't care. I am not living and working for them. I am living and working for me... and the people who love and need me most are the ones who don't want a watered down, bastardized version of me. They need me to be 100% Lisa.
So that is my real New Year Resolution: to show up as honestly and authentically as I can in each moment - without masks, without fakery, warts and all (and sparkles, too!). I can't promise it will always be pretty, but I will do my best to always be real.
Reality is messy sometimes. It's how we clean up the mess that shows our true nature. (tweet this)
In my book, The Secret Watch, I wrote that "the best gift you can give is time and attention" - and that's all I want for my birthday. Hop over to iTunes (or your preferred music outlet) and give my new album a listen. If you like it, rate it, share it - heck, even buy a copy or two). Let the world know about the precious people who helped make this project possible. At last count something like 30 people helped bring this project to life in one way or another, and it wouldn't have happened without each and every one of them. And BECAUSE I had so much help, this album is leaps and bounds beyond the quality of my last two projects. I'm just So humbled and grateful for the work that everyone put into making #TheFineLine such a world-class project.
That's my birthday wish for me. Now, my wish for you:
May you have an exceptional year filled with all the wealth, faith, truth, beauty, love, justice, and peace you can handle.
Happy New Year. #BringItOn2016
As a recovering overachiever, I've learned a thing or two about spinning plates. In fact, some might call me a pro. I can't count the number of times I've heard someone say:
"Damn, Lisa! How do you manage to get so much done?"
"Lisa, you are EVERYWHERE! How do you do it?"
"You seem like you've got a lot going on, Lisa. How do you manage it all?"
The truth is, my days are fairly light. I may have an appointment or two on a given day, but I spend a lot of time home alone, focused on doing the work. Whether that's practicing piano, scripting or filming a new video, or taking my kids to the doctor, I've created crystal clear priorities that keep me on track.
For all the stuff I am doing, I still say "no" to a lot of things that don't mesh with my priorities.
And yet, I'm not perfect. I still manage to say "yes" to enough activities that can distract me and take me off course from time to time.
What I've learned in my years as an entrepreneur and coach is that it's easy to get distracted from your priorities (REALLY EASY). Add to that the fact that very few people will volunteer to hold you accountable to your priorities, and you've got a recipe for overwhelm.
So how do you mitigate overwhelm and keep your business on track? Here are 5 tips to help you create a focus and stick with it throughout the year.
1. Pre-plan your priorities. In my Dreamblazing program, we set your objectives for the next 12 months, and then we prioritize them. By deciding your priorities in advance, you've got a filter you can pass every opportunity through for the coming months. By pre-planning your priorities in this way, you've got a much better chance at staying on task and not getting sidetracked by pop-up "emergencies" or "special opportunities" that don't support your priorities. For example, one year, my top priority wasn't in my business - it was to build a healthier relationship with my son. When I had the opportunity to speak at an event that conflicted with a commitment I'd made with him, I had to say no to that opportunity. Did I miss out? Not based on my priorities. I held firm to what was most important for me at that time. It would have been easy to re-prioritize in the moment - especially if we'd needed the money. But I'd made a decision months earlier to focus on quality time with my son. That decision made saying "no" easier.
Pre-planning your priorities isn't just an annual thing. I use The PEACE System to clarify my priorities on a daily basis. By making sure my top priorities are on my radar each day, I accomplish more of what matters in less time, because I'm not distracted as often.
2. Guard your self-care time. This has been the most valuable lesson of my business career. When lots of tasks, challenges, and opportunities are coming down the pike at the same time, it's easy to neglect your personal time. Everybody wants a piece of you. Everybody wants to pick your brain, get a little of your time, and it all adds up. Next thing you know, it's been days since you've had a shower, and you can't remember when you had any white space in your day.
Not that I speak from experience, or anything.
When I was working as an Admin in the automotive industry, I routinely managed the calendars of six (yep, SIX) executives. I was their sole support person, which meant juggling the needs and priorities of five high-powered, driven, single-minded guys - and one woman who was probably the most driven of them all. Multitasking was my specialty. But self-care was not. I remember the day I came to work in a pair of hose I'd rinsed out and blow-dried that morning because I'd put in so many hours at work I'd forgotten to do my laundry.
Self care is making sure you've got time to see to your own needs. It isn't always about going to the spa and getting a massage - though that's nice, too. It's about white space in your day. The auto industry was filled with people who'd wolf down lunch in 5 minutes - never leaving their desk because of an all-day conference call. I watched these execs turn their offices into sleeping quarters, changing rooms, and occasionally a bathroom (don't ask).
That's what a lack of self-care looks like. I've spend the last 10 years shifting away from that, creating more "white space" in my life so that when a true emergency crops up (like a phone call from my kid's school, asking me to come get him), it's not a Herculean task to rearrange my day. A quick call or an email and I've got things handled.
3. Right-size your expectations. There's a running joke that if you give a man a piece of paper and a list of things to do, he'll use as little of the paper as possible, whereas a woman will fill up that to-do list, turn the page over, and keep on writing. It's easy to find things to do, things that need our attention, and that's where overwhelm starts the slow creep. I don't care who you are, without a small army, it's virtually impossible to clean an entire house, prepare three meals from scratch for a family of four, do all the dishes, take all the kids to all their appointments, balance the P&L statement, create your blog content, do three interviews, create four web pages, host a webinar, make seven sales calls, get in an hour of exercise, take a nap, and be bright eyed and bushy tailed, showered and shaved for your evening out with friends. And if you have a chronic illness or need to take care of ailing loved ones, you have to expect even less of yourself.
It doesn't make you a bad business person. It means you're human! Something has to give. Maybe you get a support team, call in reinforcements, or just postpone some happenings for another day. As much as you might like to believe it, NO ONE can do it all (so quit trying!).
Right-sizing your expectations means getting more of the right things done. (tweet this)
Coming down off a multi-tasking high in the auto industry, I had to re-assess what I was truly capable of on a given day. I knew I wanted more white space, more peace and ease, but I was also used to getting a lot done in a day. At first, my to-do lists were incredibly long. Then I let the pendulum swing the other way: no more than one appointment per day. Over time, I managed to find a "groove" that works for me: most days are appointment free, with two days a week dedicated to handling scheduled appointments (coaching calls, doctor visits, etc.) This gives me plenty of white space to stay in creative flow, while also giving me plenty of energy to handle the scheduled appointments during one or two days of the week (and lots of energetic "recovery time" thereafter).
4. Get an accountability partner. My pal Winnie has been my stalwart business buddy for over two years now. We connect via skype almost every week, and together we've launched best-selling books, grown new business divisions, re-branded, and so much more. There's no way I could have stayed the course over the past two years without her willingness to show up and hold me accountable for the priorities I've set for myself. We don't nag each other. We know that priorities change, and we go with that flow. But we're also willing to call B.S. on each other when we're dragging our heels on a project to which we've committed.
An accountability partner provides a powerful level of support & encouragement on a frequent basis. Because you're working together, there's an added benefit that you're going to learn from each other. I count Winnie as one of my best friends - not just because she knows where all the bodies are buried! It takes a certain kind of person to be willing to put up with me, call me on my crap, and still be willing to cheer me on and celebrate my successes. And I get the honor of doing the same for her.
5. Make friends with "no". Get used to saying (and hearing) no a lot more often. When you ask for help, sometimes the answer will be no. Keep asking. It's not always because you don't want to say yes. Sometimes you need to say no because it's not in alignment with your priorities. That's wonderful. Oh, and don't take it personally when someone else tells you no.
I remember coming home from a week-long workshop a while ago. Upon my return, one of my clients called to "fire" me. I was SO happy for them that it kind of threw them off guard. They didn't need me anymore, and while I knew it, they couldn't imagine a different path than they one they'd envisioned with me on it. I had even suggested they replace me with an employee at much less cost, but it wasn't happening... until I left for the week.
That time away gave them clarity to see new possibilities and alternatives that would better suit them and their bottom line. When I picked up the phone and heard "we've decided not to renew your contract," all I could say was "HOORAY! THAT'S AWESOME!" It totally threw my client for a loop because it wasn't the answer they were expecting. I reminded my client that my sole purpose was to help them get profitable and find the path that worked for them. They were finally taking my advice which meant a more profitable direction for their company. Keeping me on wouldn't be in alignment with their best interests, nor mine. So, like Nanny McPhee, it was time for me to go.
Bonus tip: Be forgiving with yourself. In all my years of prioritizing and planning, I still get it wrong from time to time. Nobody's perfect. Even the best laid plans change. Pick a course and stick with it to the best of your abilities, but if something happens that requires a redirect (like your kid going to jail), go with it. When I was a financial advisor, we were taught that "life happens every six months." So rather than rail against it, we made a plan for it. I still do. My Dreamblazing program has built-in check-ins every quarter, to ensure that the priorities you've set are still the right ones for you.
Let me hear from ya! What's been keeping you in overwhelm lately? How do you manage to get more of the right things done? Share your comments below and let's be a rising tide for the entire community.
Over the past couple of weeks, I've been offering up tools, ideas, and resources that I usually find helpful this time of year to help me get a jump start on the new year. From The Success Finder, to my new Dream Owner's Creed, and the Profit First Instant Assessment, each has been a part of what I use to get more clarity and move more confidently toward my future.
This week has been a little heady for me. On Sunday, I posted a song from my last concert with a story about a music teacher who realized his musical dreams as part of one of the most influential progressive rock bands in America. But then he had a kid, started looking around at the world, and realized that things weren't always what they were cracked up to be. So he wrote a song of hope as he was birthing his son into the world.
I still get a little teary-eyed when I hear that song. A bunch of people emailed and tweeted to connect with me and share that song with their networks. I didn't expect that kind of response from such a simple hymn-like tune.
Then, on Monday, we launched the Dreamblazing program with very little fanfare (there's still time to join, if you'd like). I've been going through it right along with the participants, and in the process, I've gotten the gut feeling that a lot of people are feeling stuck right now.
And I wanted to do something about it.
From now through the end of the year, I'm inviting you to schedule a no-cost 30 minute session with me to help determine your next steps in having a business and life you love. This isn't therapy, counseling, or tax/legal planning - that's not my area of expertise. What I'm good at is seeing the big picture, and how all the parts and pieces fit together in a way that creates more meaning, gives you more freedom, and provides you with a clear path to a profitable, sustainable business.
I call that a Noble Empire and an Inspired Life.
Interested? Click here to schedule your time.
What to expect:
Once you're scheduled, I'll be sending you some simple instructions. Nothing heavy-duty. Just the basic background info. Then, when we're in session together (call or skype), we'll dig into where you feel stuck, and I'll help you see where to get unstuck. It might mean referring you to a book, program, or professional that I know that can help. Or it might just be a mindset shift we can make right on the call. Whatever I think will be most helpful to you (based on your current situation), is what I'll be sharing with you in our session.
There are lots of reasons, actually. Because of the projects I've been involved in this year, I've not had a lot of time to lead teleclasses or workshops. That means I haven't been connecting with you as much as I'd like - hearing what's going on for you.
Being out of touch with your clients means you're out of touch with what's important to them (click to tweet). That's the fastest route to going out of business! Talking with you individually really helps me know who's reading my posts, what's going on in your world, and how I can better serve your needs.
Also, this is the time of year when things can get pretty crazy and a cool head, or objective viewpoint can be a blessing. I have the space in my calendar and I'd love to be that third eye for you!
Lastly, each year around Thanksgiving, I try to do something to give back to my online community. Last year, we gave away over 1,000 copies of my book, and we're doing another book re-launch next week (watch for an email on Monday!)
This year, I wanted to do something a little more personal. I've got a phobia I'm working on overcoming, and this will really help me immerse myself in serving with love instead of focusing on fear.
While I can't guarantee everyone will get a spot on my calendar, I've opened up hundreds of time slots over the remainder of the year (limit one per person, yo!). If you've ever wondered what it's like to work with a coach, or what it's like to work with me, there's never been a better time to give it a try.
In blessings and peace,
-Lisa
P.S. Last time, I promised to share a video I filmed about dealing with toxic relationships. You can find that here.
Ever have one of those moments where you think you know how something is going to go, and then it turns out completely differently, but it still works to your favor?
That was my experience last week when I asked my facebook connections to vote on a video topic for a contest I'm entering. I asked them to choose between these two topics:
Hands down, the winner was #1 - in all but one group where the vote was evenly split. For whatever reason, people I know can really relate to the struggle of showing up fully as themselves - a malady I can SO relate with.
But here's the thing... both topics are really about the same thing.
It almost sounds like a dangerous idea, right? I mean, there are "blueprints" and "formulas" galore in the world. There are gurus, guides, and coaches who want nothing more than to sell you their 'proven system' to help you be "successful" in some area or another of your life or work.
Heck, I'm a mentor myself. I have systems and tools that I use and offer to others, so it stands to reason I could lump myself in that category, too, right?
I wouldn't blame you if you did.
The thing that I hope sets me apart is that I detest the one-size-fits-all approach that so many leaders laud. A lot of people tread that path, and in my experience that's where the mediocre are. Back in my direct sales days, there was a "technique" that was touted as a sure-fire way to get business: pass out your business card to everyone with a pulse. Does it work? Sure. Eventually. But it's painful, awkward, and gives you a bad reputation.
Cookie cutter "blueprints" have their place. Like making cookies, or building houses. You want to know, before you invest your resources, a reasonable idea of what the end result will be. But you can take one blueprint and build two "identical" houses and they won't even be close to the same. Why? Location, interior decoration, and other considerations that have nothing to do with the blueprint itself. Likewise, three people can take the exact same cookie recipe and have three dramatically different results. Why? Again, lots of considerations that have nothing to do with the recipe itself.
The difference in the house and the cookies lays squarely with the owner. Who's the one doing the building, the decorating, the baking? That's what's really going to dictate how things shake out. That's something most coaches and gurus don't take into account in their blueprints.
Frameworks are helpful, but you can't expect to duplicate someone else's success because you are not that person! Believe me. I've invested my share of cash into training, blueprints, and frameworks. Any time they're a step-by-step "here's what I did to be successful" approach, it falls flat. Because I'm not them! I've been coaching and training for almost 10 years, and while there are some common themes, every client is different. There are no two people, no two businesses that are exactly alike. Even in direct sales, where every consultant is selling the exact same product from the exact same catalog, the results are markedly different because of WHO is doing the selling and HOW they are doing it.
A blueprint or a framework can show you how, but it may not work for who you are. It's the underlying principles, the concepts, and the WHY this worked that matters. Once you know WHY something works, you can figure out HOW to apply it to your situation in a way that works for WHO you are.
It was my very first tagline and it's still true. You are the most important piece of the puzzle in growing a profitable, sustainable business. Without you, it's just another product, another service, another offering. You are what makes it special. But if you're spending all your time, money, and energy trying to fit yourself into the mold of someone else, you're missing out on your biggest opportunity for success.
Showing up as yourself more completely means being willing to own your shadow and your light. None of us - not even the well-paid gurus and muckety mucks of the world are perfect. No matter how much spit and polish they put on. We all have bad days, make poor choices, and then have to live with the consequences. Being willing to admit your imperfections takes courage, and a little vulnerability, it's true. What I've learned, though, is that when I am willing to show up as myself - warts, sparkles and all - it gives the people around me permission to show up as themselves, too. It's an upward spiral that perpetuates itself.
When I finish speaking in front of an audience, I usually hear two comments. The first is usually about my energy and enthusiasm. The second is about how refreshing it is to see me be so "real" on the stage. They appreciate that I speak without talking down, insulting their intelligence, or making them feel inferior. They appreciate that I'm not afraid to tell the messy stories of my life. It gives them confidence to share their stories - sometimes just with me, but often with a larger audience they've been nervous to talk to.
From my perspective, life is messy. We all know that, yet so many people try to pretend otherwise. Embrace your mess, maybe even love it a little, since that's where the juicy stories come from. That's what makes you relatable.
Don't be afraid to be yourself. It's a job no one else is equipped to do. (click to tweet)
That doesn't mean you have to air all your dirty laundry. I do my best to share my stories in ways that are helpful to others. I'm one of those people who believes that if you can learn from my mistakes, then you won't have to repeat them. I also believe that every choice I've made (for better or worse) has led me to this moment. That if there's something from my journey that can help you on yours, then I want to he able to share it.
We've all put on the brave face, the happy face, the facade that says everything's okay when it's not. But I'm talking about something deeper. You've heard me talk about "The Pretender" and "The Coward" before. One mask protects you from the world, the other protects the world from you. Yet, neither serves your highest good. You have to take off your masks to risk being truly seen.
When you know who you are, you aren’t afraid to admit who you are not. I'm not a scientist. That's my husband. When the kids come home with math homework, I quickly remind them I was a music major in college, so I can count to 12 and divide by 7, but that's about it. I know my limitations there. But it's easy for me to forget those limitations when I slip on the mask of what a good mom is "supposed" to be. I'm pretending. It's frustrating. And it's just digging my hole deeper.
Once you start wearing a mask, it becomes risky to remove it. Showing up as yourself means letting people see what you don't know, what you can't do, what you aren't capable of in this moment. That's scary stuff.
But it also means showing people what you do know, what you can do, and what you are truly capable of in this moment. That is sometimes even more scary.
I grew up in a "gifted" program full of smarty pants kids. We were all too smart for our own good and socially awkward. Most of us had one or two things that we really knew - we were smarter than even the smart kids! But if we dared to show our intelligence in that area, we were quickly brought down a peg by someone who was smart in another area - just to show us that we didn't know everything.
Sadly, that attitude doesn't leave us when we're adults. So being seen as smarter, faster, or better than someone else can become an equally heavy burden and scary proposal.
Masks, to me, are like McDonald's. Once you've seen it, you know what to expect. When you walk into a McDonald's you pretty much know what's on the menu, where the bathroom is, and how competent the counter help will be. On those rare occasions when they're offering a special menu item (remember McDonald's pizza?) it throws you off. Now you're not sure what to expect. That could be good or bad, but either way, you're thrown for a loop for a minute while you get your bearings.
Masks become a cultural shorthand. The problem is that humans grow and change, and masks don't fit forever. Try taking a picture of yourself when you were a child and wearing it around during the day. Unless it's Halloween, people are going to be thrown off. Why is this grown-ass person wearing the face of a small child? What are they hiding? Why are they hiding?
Peeling off the masks is a must-do. How can we fall in love with you if we can't see who you are? If you're wearing a mask, we're not falling in love with you, we're falling in love with the mask, and that creates all kinds of internal backlash and self-loathing. It's a vicious downward spiral that keeps us trying on different masks, hoping that one will eventually fit.
It takes guts, and tremendous amounts of courage to be true to what really matters to you. Lady Gaga takes a risk every time she steps out in public in one of her crazy ensembles. Yet, it's far less of a risk than playing small and not owning her outlandishness. If you fell in love with "small-playing" Lady Gaga, you just might have a heart attack watching her tramp around in some of her crazier get-ups. Her outspoken, outlandish appearance is part and parcel to who she really is.
To deny any part of you is to deny all of you.
You can't say "that's not my hand" when it's clearly connected to your body. If you deny the hand, you deny the body. Likewise to deny what's important to you (family, faith, travel, relationships, etc.), is to deny YOU. You can't deny a part of you. You're denying your whole self, because that "part" is woven into the very tapestry of your existence. It's a meaningful thread of who you are... whether it's a piece from your past, your present, or your future, it's every bit as important as every other part of you.
In the next few days, I'll be sharing a special gift with my subscribers to help remind them to remove their masks and show up more consistently as themselves. If you'd like to get it, be sure you're subscribed above. In the comments below, I'd love to hear your stories. When did you recognize you were wearing a mask? Did you choose to take it off? Why? What happened as a result? It's in sharing your stories that we lift each other up.
I chuckle now as I look back on my collegiate career. Convinced that I was "too poor" to be able to afford to hire a band, a graphic designer, or a business manager, I learned how to do all those things myself. I took classes in business, law, graphic design, and music. My first album (recorded during my time in college) features no other instrumentalists. Every track was laid down electronically. I mixed my own vocals, designed my own cover. I did have a friend shoot the pictures, but that was only because he had a camera and was willing to help.
Can you imagine the comic nature of me trying to set up a shot, run around to the back of the camera, set a timer, and run into the shot again? Don't laugh. I found myself doing exactly that in a recent photo shoot for The Sweet Browns - a vocal group I'm working with locally. I think we ended up taking that shot 4 or 5 times before I got situated in time for the flash.
In my family, it somehow meant we're weak, that we can't do "it" on our own... whatever "it" happens to be. I grew up in a family of strong, independent women, and had a pretty stubborn lineage of men in my life as well. We simply didn't ask for help. The downside to all that independence is that you pass it on. I watch my boys (8 and almost 18) think they have to have it all figured out. That they simply can't ask for help. They either have to wait for it to be offered, or they have to struggle through the frustration on their own.
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