At the beginning of every year, I sit down with my Dreamblazing program and set my goals - then I review them each quarter.
But they also say that "life happens every 6 months" - and here we are at the middle of the year. It's a great time to make sure you're still on track, and if you aren't here's a reader's digest version of my planning process - including a sneak peek into how Dreamblazing makes it easy.
To help you lay the foundation, I've also included the worksheets from the first day of the Dreamblazing program so that YOU can take stock and do a little review of your own - and set the stage for your future success. Oh, and Hall & Oates help me out with a special "guest spot" - sing along if you know the words!
Whether you use my Dreamblazing process you some other method of planning, make the commitment to complete the entire process - especially if it feels uncomfortable. I see a lot of entrepreneurs (creatives in particular) that start planning, and when things get tough or they feel stuck, they quit. It's fine to take a break and come back to it later, just make sure you actually do come back to it later. Dreamblazing is elxible enough to complete in a single
It's hard to know where you're going if you don't know where you are. It's hard to know your trajectory, if you don't know where you've been. A lot can happen in a year. I lost count of all the awesome surprises that happened to me each year, so I started keeping track, and using the "Evaluate and Celebrate" section of Dreamblazing to remind me of just how awesome my life and work can be. That's particularly helpful when I'm in the middle of a funk, or things aren't going as well as I want them to in the moment.
Evaluation also allows me to see where I missed the mark and need to tighten my focus - or re-calibrate if a goal is no longer applicable.
In my book, The Secret Watch, I lay out the 5 Key Areas (Faith, Family, Fitness, Fortune, and Freedom) - but the way you define them is entirely up to you - which, again, gives you the flexibility you need to develop D.U.M.B. goals. Hone in on what will give you the most cause for celebration at the end of the next 12 months in each of these areas, then you can begin to set milestones along the way to help you know if you're on track to hit them.
If you're following the Dreamblazing program, you'll pick 6 goals to drive for the year, but you've also got to prioritize them. It's better to do that NOW before there's a conflict, because "life happens when you're busy making other plans" as John Lennon famously said. If you don't prioritize your goals, then when an opportunity arises that pits one goal against another, you'll be forced to choose. In the heat of the moment, sometimes we choose what's urgent, rather than what's really important. Prioritizing your goals gives you a filter to run all your decisions through.
And if you change your priorities later, that's fine too.
It takes a little time to develop a solid strategic plan, but it's worth the effort. Whether you use a tool like Dreamblazing or develop your own method of annual planning, it's important to make the plan. Eisenhower once said that "plans are useless", but "planning is everything" - and I think he's right. While many of my plans go awry not long after making them, the fact that I took the time to actually sit down, clear my head, and focus on what really matters to me keeps me moving in the right direction. It also keeps me agile so that when life throws me a curve ball (and it happens more times than I'd care to count), I'm able to respond thoughfully, instead of react in a knee-jerk way.
Plans may go awry, but planning keeps your head in the game when life throws you a curve. (Tweet this)
First an exciting announcement: A few weeks ago, I happily celebrated 500,000 views on my YouTube channel. THIS week, I'm celebrating 300 subscribers (click here to subscribe instantly)!
Confetti! Fireworks! Hooray! Huzzah!
This has been a goal of mine for several years, and I'm beyond thrilled that it's finally happened. It was a lot more challenging than I expected, and I've learned a lot along the way. As my channel grows I've developed a love and strong respect for the YouTube community. If you're on YouTube, please say hi and spread the love. Your awesomeness makes this show possible.
THANK YOU.
I was on a coaching call with a client this week and we spent a good amount of time talking about how hard it can be to shine brightly when everyone around you is complaining about your light.
"You're too bright."
"Can you turn it down a little?"
"You're always so enthusiastic about [topic]. I'm tired of it."
While occasional constructive criticism is important (when you work with me, I'm not afraid to give it to you straight), it's also important to remember that you've got Divinely-given gifts that are uniquely yours to bring into the world.
Shout it out! Tell everyone about your brand. Heck, have your brand name printed out onto face masks, hoodies, pens or mugs if necessary. Don’t hide them away; be proud of who you are and what you have achieved.
Often times, we're put down, or we feel guilty about being so awesome. And even if you're shy and reserved, it can be tough to deal with the criticism and "baggage" others want to foist on you when you're sharing your gift with the world. It often results in being overgenerous as a means to counter the criticism, to be liked, or to "apologize" for your existence.
Been there, done that.
You don't need to apologize for being awesome. We all shine in our own way, and yes, some of us are called to shine "brighter" or to a "bigger" audience (remember: size is relative. If it's your dream, it's big. Period.). That doesn't make us any more (or less) needed in the world.
Sometimes we're put in a position where we shine brighter than the folks around us because they need to get used to having more light in their lives. This isn't a statement of arrogance. Most of the awesomely talented people I know didn't ask to be awesome. They just are. But the amount of guilt they feel and crap they take for being so shiny is overwhelming. I'm reminded of the crawdads in a bucket that keep pulling each other back down so that no one escapes.
You don't have to make your light any less bright. That's what sunglasses and window shades are for. People can choose to be around you and they can choose to leave. This is a lesson I'm learning myself. For YEARS I have felt the need to dim my own light because the people around me couldn't deal with how shiny I am. I never asked to shine. I was born with these gifts, and while I've honed them over the years, it was never in an attempt to be better than anyone other than myself.
It's not your job to diminish your light. Your job is to shine your light into the world. (Click to tweet this)
There are plenty of people in the world who are afraid of the light. Heck, even Plato wrote about it in his Allegory of the Cave. But here's the thing:
Just because other people are afraid of the light, or judge the light, or shun the light, doesn't mean that you need to take it personally.
When I walk into my bedroom and flip on the light, sometimes my husband grumps about it. My light bulb doesn't get all defensive and start apologizing for being bright. That's what light bulbs do, for pity's sake! And while I might apologize for causing my husband pain, I rarely apologize for turning on the light because I needed the light to see. Don't apologize for your needs. Apologizing for your needs equates to saying "I'm not worthy of having my needs met. I'm sorry for my existence."
Word choices can be tricky, eh? But I've said this many times in the past: you train people how to treat you based on what you've come to accept from them and what they've come to expect from you. If you're constantly apologizing for your existence, then, Houston, YOU have a problem.
Katy Perry sang an inspiring song that confirms that the only way to shine is to ignite yourself:
"You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July"
I think it's safe to say that if you don't ignite yourself - and let yourself shine - it's improbable that anyone else will do it for you.
On the surface, Independence Day is about celebrating my country's establishment as a sovereign nation. It's become the high holy day of picnics, beach fun, and fireworks.
But at the core, it's a symbol to embrace what matters most to you, hold it out for the world to see, and stand your ground. Do you think the British were particularly pleased? Hardly. They fought us for several years before and after we claimed our independence.
You'll probably face a few battles of your own (both internal and external ones). That's to be expected. As several great minds (including William Lamb and Stan Lee) once said, "with great power comes great responsibility." Being awesome ain't always easy, but you've got it in you to handle it!
Need a little extra incentive?
Our Independence Week edition of Creative Freedom brings us a special "guest appearance" - this time by Katy Perry. It's a friendly reminder to own your awesomeness.
What are you awesome at? Go on! Toot your own horn (I dare you)! How have you been holding back your awesomeness? Do you know someone else that's letting their light shine "brighter than the moon"? Share your stories, thoughts, and ideas in the comments.
If you or someone you know could use this information, please share us with them and be part of our Rising Tide! Every share helps. THANK YOU!
OH, BTW... Des is coming back from California this week, so look for new videos in the 300 songs project soon! YAY!
Shazam! My audition in Detroit for The Voice went better than I expected, although I did not get called back. It's always fun for me to go to "The D" and this time was no exception. I learned some powerful business lessons during my long wait in the audition line (post coming soon), plus I met a childhood friend of Anita Baker who designs Mustangs at Ford! We had a fun time connecting and learning about each other. Hooray for new friends!
Speaking of, this week's video is actually a request from my facebook page. Jessica-Lynn Sage asked about hiring help in your business. Her big concern was in being able to trust someone else to handle the work and "let go" of doing it yourself.
The timing couldn't have been more perfect, since I've been working on my photo shoot for the new album (and website). This week's episode of Creative Freedom gives you the low down on how I sourced and "hired" the team for this shoot.
But there's something else I didn't include in the video that's also important...
In my research, I've been exploring the three different types of creative entrepreneurs (a quiz is coming soon!), and each one has their own sets of challenges. Chaotic Creatives look for people they trust with their vision and the direction they're trying to go as creative individuals. Linear Creatives are more concerned with getting results NOW - and getting the "right people on the bus" as Jim Collins would say. I'm a Fusion Creative, so I tend to walk the line between the two. Results are important to me, but I also don't want people to deviate too far from my vision, so I'm willing to forego some short-term results for a better overall project at completion. Understanding your Creative Entrepreneur type will help you know what to look for in hiring your support staff, as well as your temporary team members, like my photographer and stylist for this shoot.
Like the contract riders rock stars have for "green skittles," Chaotic Creatives want to adhere to the vision above all else - no exceptions or deviations. It's that kind of exacting, demanding nature that makes Steve Jobs both a brilliant mind and a jerk.
Because my vision included some specific shots I wanted, and a certain look and feel, I put together a pinterest board of ideas and inspiration. I put the call out on Facebook for a photographer (Thanks Heidi!). I shared that board with everyone, and made sure they were in sync with what I was trying to achieve. I actually had someone that didn't like my idea - so they were off the team. I knew my direction for the project, and didn't want to deviate.
At the same time, I didn't want to wait around for months to make this happen. We had already been negotiating a shooting date for a few weeks, and I know it takes a bit more time after the shoot to get the raw photos processed. So I really wanted to have it all hammered out before school got out on June 9. When my original venue fell through, the photographer suggested an alternate outdoor location. She recommended and secured a stylist, and we finally booked June 8 (we couldn't have cut it much closer, right?).
Linear creatives tend to focus on structures, routines, and processes. Above all else, don't deviate from the system (versus the vision), because the system works. It's the kind of strategic creative thinking that made Edison a genius in the lab, but a social misfit with his own family.
When it rained the day of the shoot, the outdoor venue wasn't viable, so we punted, opting for an indoor location for almost all of the shots (Thanks, Ted!). The indoor venue provided a lot of great images we couldn't have gotten anywhere else, and my willingness to be flexible on the results made it possible to complete the project without dealing with rescheduling.
A true Chaotic Creative wouldn't negotiate on the details like that, while a Linear Creative would be more interested in meeting the deadline more than the creative vision. I fell somewhere in the middle, allowing for and trusting flow, but still making sure I got the key shots I wanted for the project.
For example, there was one shot I was insistent on having, and if we couldn't do it that day, I was willing to do it another time with another photographer if need be. Gratefully, mother nature cooperated in the end. The skies cleared up and I stood out in the middle of traffic while Heidi snapped the shot that will likely be the album cover. I like to think it was my flexibility that gave us the better weather near the end of our shoot.
Whether you're paying for help, or just getting started with asking for help, whether it's a long-term or short-term hire, you need to be able to trust that your team will do what you've asked them to do. The video outlines a few ideas, but did I leave anything out? What else should Jessica-Lynn know about getting help in her business? Leave a comment and be part of the Rising Tide for all the creative entrepreneurs in our community!
In my early days on Facebook, I was quick to follow anyone with a pulse. If they connected with me as a friend, I returned the favor. I watched my list of "friends" skyrocket to well over 1000 people in very short order.
Problem is, while my friend count was increasing, it didn't result in new friendships... just more nameless faces on my feed. I never had that problem on twitter, though. It moved so fast, I didn't WANT to follow a bunch of people that I couldn't keep up with.
The result? In my first full year of twitter activity, I generated an additional $30,000 in revenues that I could directly attribute to my time on twitter. I'd met tons of people, made great connections, and made inroads on my income goals as well.
And my follower count on Twitter was substantially lower than the thousands I had on Facebook.
That was a valuable lesson for me. Twitter was engaging and it helped me connect with real people in real time. I knew I couldn't keep up with thousands of Facebook friends that weren't really having conversations with me. I needed to cull my list of "Friends" down to the people I really connected with.
I was chasing a magic number. I thought that if I had thousands of facebook followers, it would result in thousands of dollars in income. That wasn't true for me. By chasing a number that didn't really matter to the bottom line of my business, I wasn't focused on results, I was focused on "looking good" - on vanity.
I knew I had to cull my list, but I didn't want my friend count to drop significantly in a single day. After all, I was still hooked on the vanity of having thousands of "friends".
But any number you're tracking that doesn't directly tie back to your bottom line results - numbers that just make you look good, or feel good, are vanity metrics.
Sure, vanity metrics can prop you up when you're feeling low, but over time, you start to resent them.
"Hey! I've got 10,000 friends! Why is no one seeing my posts? Why am I not making any money?"
Then you start to blame the platform, instead of addressing how chasing vanity metrics has compounded your problem.
"Stupid Facebook changed their algorithm, and now no one sees my stuff!"
Often, the problem isn't the platform, it's the way you're using it. If you've got 1000 "friends" that you never talk to, that you never interact with, why should Facebook's algorithm make your posts a priority for them?
...Not that I speak from experience or anything...(insert awkward silence and lots of blushing here)
So over time, I started doing something most people might consider unthinkable. Each day, when Facebook sends me the birthday announcements, I go into the profile of the birthday boy (or girl), and if I don't truly have a connection with them, and it's been more than a year since we've "friended" each other, I unfriend them.
"Happy Birthday! I just unfriended you!"
Now, I don't post it on their wall or make a big stink about it. I just deleted 2-3 people every day until I only had people in my friends list that I actually knew, had conversations with, or were people I wanted to spend time getting to know better.
In all the years I've been doing it, no one has ever grumped at me about unfriending them... which proves my point.
If you have no relationship with your connections, they won't miss you when you're gone. (Tweet this)
While looking at a high Klout score can inflate your ego, what really matters (at least for me) is the trend of that number. Is it going up, down, or staying the same? What does the trend mean for your business? If a rising Klout score means you're connecting with more people, and those people are your perfect-fit customers, then great! On the other hand, if it means you've just been more active on social media this month, then perhaps you need to re-think your business strategy.
Or maybe Klout means nothing to you (like it does for my colleague). What matters is that you're keeping track of the numbers that matter to you and your business in a way that works for you.
Here are a few numbers I track on a weekly basis (with the help of my AMAZING VA), to keep me on track in my business. In some cases, the number is important, while in other cases, it's the trend that matters most:
If I had to track all these (and more) myself, my creative brain would have a meltdown. Either that, or I'd spend more time getting lost in the sites as I collect the stats - which is why I have a VA (virtual assistant) handle most of this data collection for me. My financials (sales, income, expenses, etc.) are still handled on my end. Queen Latifah once said to make sure you are always the one who signs the checks, and I think that's sound advice.
The bottom line is that, in business, you need to be concerned with your bottom line. Depending on your Creative Entrepeneur type, it isn't always comfortable to do it. To be clear, making time to look at the metrics and money doesn't mean you're putting money ahead of people, either. As I've mentioned in previous posts, You've got to have profits, or you don't have a business... it's a charity or a hobby! There's nothing wrong with charities or hobbies, but you need to be clear which it is that you are running and behave accordingly.
What numbers have you been tracking that don't tie back to your results? What ways can you stop chasing vanity and start creating connections, engagement, and more meaning in the relationships with clients, subscribers and fans that you already have? Share your comments and become part of our Rising Tide.
Also, we're considering starting a free facebook group to take these concepts even deeper each week. Interested? Let me know! When there's enough interest, we'll make an announcement in my weekly newsletter. Not on the list? Use the handy dandy box at the top of the page and rectify that problem now. 🙂
Whenever I'm working with a new client, invariably we come to the topic of income. How much are you making? How much do you want to make? How much do you want to KEEP? All three questions are important, and are valuable for different reasons. At some point, the topic of "making six figures" comes up (or seven, or more).
This is where it gets fun and tricky. For some creatives, it feels like a dream number. Like it's an unobtainable "nice to have" that would be cool if it were possible. They envision lazy days on an exotic beach somewhere, sipping cool drinks by a warm sea, while people pay top dollar for their creative genius. Their flights of fancy are short-lived however, when they look at their current financial situation. They're just having a hard time believing that kind of lifestyle is possible for them. For others, perhaps, but not them... at least not now.
For some creative entrepreneurs, it's a clear goal. Maybe they've already hit it once or twice (or come very close) and they're ready to make it a regular thing. They're tired of being teased, and are ready to build something solid.
For others, they've already hit six figures, but they're not enjoying the income they're making because they're not as profitable as they thought they'd be (see my definition of profitable for a deeper explanation of how I use the word.). They're tired of trying to manage everything themselves. They know they need support, and they want to efficiently and effectively get the right people on the bus, as Jim Collins would say. They don't have time to play around, even though they have a LOT of fun doing what they love.
For some people making six figures is a necessity. It may sound hard to believe if you've never been in their shoes, but if you're living in a major city, like New York or San Francisco, rent alone can be a hefty five-figure sum for even a teeny-tiny place. If you've got a family, it's even more. While it's true that many people can have a six figure lifestyle without ever making six figures in a single year, it's also judgmental and probably not practical to uproot yourself and live someplace less expensive (particularly if you've got family or a spouse that are tied to your locality). If you've made choices that find you in this situation, no amount of criticism will help you earn the six figures you seek.
Note: you can add as many zeroes to the number as you'd like. The problem is still the same: you've got to have a clear understanding of your expectations. I call this the 6-figure distinction. Until you're clear on what "six figures" means to you - what it looks like, how it feels, how YOU experience it - you'll continue to hit walls in your business growth.
This week's episode of Creative Freedom sheds light on the 6-Figure Distinction, and helps you get clarity for your own life and business.
We didn't have time to really expound upon this in the video. As an entrepreneur who started with nothing, it's important to emphasize that my network of awesome friends and colleagues came because I've been able to be a resource to them. I didn't just make friends so I could use them for my own gains. Which means there's also a limit to how big your effective network can be. You can't help everyone all the time. So at some point, you DO need cash.
Jim Rohn famously said that you're the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. But the more people in your circle, the more watered down your average is. These are the people talking about you, referring you, connecting you to their people. How do you want to be known? Who do you want to be known as? Your answers will dictate the size of your network. You have to judiciously balance the number of people you're serving in your network with the number of people helping you. If you swing too far out of balance in either direction, resentment ensues. Been there. Done that.
People are a resource, not a tool. Choose wisely. (tweet this)
You can have an incredible life and a business you enjoy without ever making six figures in a single year. You can also make millions and be miserable. I've seen it happen with clients and colleagues. I've lived it myself. Your distinctions and perceptions will ultimately color your experience of your life and Great Work.
What is your vision of a six (or more) figure lifestyle? What goals are you setting for yourself in your Great Work? Share your successes and ideas in the comments and be part of our Rising Tide.
Sometimes it's innocent enough. Someone asks you to do something that's a real problem for them, but only takes you a quick second to handle. Once it's finished, they offer to compensate you in some way - maybe taking you to lunch, or actually offering you cash - but you decline.
I've done it more times than I care to count. Because I've got a pretty diverse background in all kinds of things, people ask me questions all the time. Sometimes it's a quick answer, other times, it requires a minute or two, but it's a whole lot easier for me than it is for them. They've just rented my brain (or my hands) for a project, and when they offered me compensation, I declined.
Whoops.
Whether it's your kids, your clients, your colleagues, or total strangers, you train people in every interaction you have with them. Last week, we talked about being too generous, and the other piece to that puzzle is turning away business/income/money because "it's no big deal" for you.
People come to expect you to be a certain way. My mom expected every McDonald's to have clean restrooms. Why? That's not part of their brand promise. Simply, mom had a lifetime of experience that gave her that expectation. The day she walked into a filthy McDonald's bathroom, she nearly blew her lid. Not because McDonald's ever promised her a clean restroom, but because she came to expect it because of all her past... um... interactions.
My grandfather was a carpenter and once charged a guy $50 to hang a picture frame on the wall. The guy was a bit miffed. "All you did was drive a nail!" When the guy asked him to itemize the bill, it looked like this:
Driving a nail: $5
Knowing where to drive the nail: $45
Total Due: $50
So often we discount the value of our hard-earned knowledge without even realizing it. Sure, it may only take a few minutes to handle that task for someone, but you've invested YEARS of learning how to do it in such a short time. There's value in that.
While my videos are meant to be fun, this is a serious issue for creatives - especially for women. My pal, Jason Stein, is super passionate about this topic and works with women entrepreneurs to help them deal with their money blocks. He's gifted at clearing the clutter and helping you see straight... and he's a bit of a badass, like me. And my friend and former coach, Teresa Romain, also takes a holistic approach to facing money issues. Both are incredibly gifted and compassionate folks that are good at untangling your money stories.
This week's episode of Creative Freedom talks more about this issue, as well as another way that we turn discount our value and turn away money or opportunities. Special thanks to my mastermind pals Pam and Jill for the impromptu jam session in today's episode!
You train people how to treat you based on what they expect & what you accept. (Tweet this.)
Are you expecting money to show up a certain way? Are you "not enoughing" the opportunities and money that you've already got? What other ways might you be "biting" or "hiding"?
Share your thoughts and ideas in the comments and let's be a rising tide for everyone. Remember to share this video with folks you know that could benefit. You'll have my undying gratitude for years to come!
First off: We're only a few weeks into our new web series, and I'm already getting questions and requests for topics to cover. YAY! If you've got a burning question you'd like to see me answer in the Creative Freedom series, let me know! We want to make this program as valuable as possible for you.
Now, on with the show!
It's a valid question. For me, there's a difference between being intentionally generous and being too generous - giving too much and coming across as desperate because of it. I've met plenty of direct sellers and other entrepreneurs who give not because they're being intentionally generous, but because they want potential clients to say "yes" - to validate them, affirm them, or just plain like them.
When you're intentionally generous, there's a solid strategy behind it (like giving 10% of all proceeds to charity, or to increase goodwill with existing customers), or you're feeling led by a divine call to be generous in a given situation. When you give from a place of fear or solely to be liked/affirmed, you're actually NOT being generous. You're being selfish (giving to get). True generosity comes when you're not expecting anything in return. True generosity has limits built in.
Piling on bonuses and giving lots of extra incentives hasn't worked in corporate America - quite the opposite, actually. The more you pile on, the worse the performance. Be intentional with your generosity.
Freebies, opt-in tools, and even your sales offers need to be strategic and focused. They're meant to help you clients get to know you, know what you have to offer, and trust that you are who you say you are (and that you provide the results you promise). Liking you is optional at this point. Remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: "Nobody cares what you know until they know that you care."
Who wants to be seen as the overgenerous desperate doormat? Train people how to treat you. (tweet this)
When it comes down to it, creating offers (and opt-ins) that are in alignment with your market isn't about over-giving. It's about establishing your relevance, building trust and credibility, and making it clear that you're the right person for the job. Likeability comes later. How have you created offers that work? Where did you stumble? What did you learn? Share your comments and insights and be part of our rising tide!
First, I just want to CELEBRATE for a minute...
My YouTube channel is now over HALF A MILLION views! WOO HOO! Thanks for watching, sharing, and commenting on my videos for the past 7 years (SEVEN YEARS!). Can you believe it's been that long? I can't! I've been in the online arena since 1993, but nothing in my online career has given me more joy than hitting this milestone. THANK YOU for making it possible!
My first video went up about 7 years ago, but I didn't really start using YouTube consistently until a few years ago. I've created over 300 videos, but most of them are private (which means, they don't count) because they're part of courses I've taught. Only about half of those videos are available for the public to watch.
I've covered a lot of ground in that time: training for direct sellers and entrepreneurs, personal videos, interviews with thought leaders and of course, music from the 300 songs project. All of it an exploration of stuff I know in the hopes it will help you own your dreams without selling your soul.
In January, I FINALLY got a set of lights for the studio. Before now, I've been relying on room light or the picture window in my office... which makes it hard to film on dark, dreary days (like most of our winter this year!). I've had a few people ask about getting decent lighting for videos, so here's my short (and FUN!) tutorial on a couple of different ways to get your shot lit well enough to get your video done.
Here is a link to the lights I use in my studio. Remember, I didn't have lights until earlier this year. Most of my videos were shot using natural light from a north-facing window (as shown in the video). I often pull the blinds a bit so we don't get too much light. Keep in mind, also, that my Flip HD camera has a self-adjusting feature to compensate for low/bright lighting that's pretty good. Know your camera. Individual results may vary.
It's here! After months of being sick, fighting resistance, and in general just not getting it done, I'm proud to announce my new web series for creative entrepreneurs! It's called "Creative Freedom" and we talk about anything and everything related to building a creative business that lets you have more profit in your pocket and more time to enjoy the money you're making.
One of the business support systems I've come to value above most anything else is my mastermind group. These wonderful people come together to celebrate and support one another in their life and business pursuits. One of the things that
She was sprawled out on the sidewalk, screaming bloody murder. The bike - a garage sale special (meaning there was no padding on the all-metal seat) - was still somehow attached to her.
She and I lived close to each other, and were about the same age, but I had no real interest in bikes when I was six. I wanted her to play dolls with me, but no. She was a tomboy through and through. And she really wanted to learn how to ride a bike.
Her parents bought her this scrap metal bike with what little money they had, took it home, cleaned it up with a bit of red spray paint, and after letting it dry, gave it to her.
She wasted no time. She hopped on (no training wheels), and took off down the neighborhood. I lived at the end of the street, so most of the kids used our house as the turnaround. I waited for her there.
She was no stranger to bikes. Most of the neighborhood kids had them and let her ride when parents weren't looking. Some with training wheels, some without. When this little girl climbed on her very own bike, she was a natural.
Until...
Still straddling the metal heap of a bicycle, but flat on her back, the girl was screaming bloody murder. Apparently, she hit a sidewalk bump where the concrete was broken up and the metal seat jammed her... in the... well, you know.
She lost control, the bike fell over, and she was sort of tangled up in it.
So much screaming. So much crying. I kept looking for blood, but didn't see any. Maybe she broke her leg or something. I thought for sure her folks were going to end up taking her to the hospital. Even her brother - who normally ignored his baby sister - set out to figure out if she was okay... or at least get the kid to stop crying and screaming.
Once they calmed her down, they realized that beyond the need for a padded seat, the only thing that was really bruised was her pride. So her father, in all his infinite wisdom, encouraged her to "stop crying like a baby and get back on the damn bike."
The little girl obediently climbed back on - after setting the bike back up and giving it a firm kick to show it who was boss. This time, instead of riding up and down the street, she practiced in my gravel driveway. She practiced turning, braking, and navigating the bike on "a bumpy road" as she called it. She even managed to teach herself to ride "standing up" so that the seat didn't get the best of her again.
She fell a few more times (gravel wipeouts - OUCH!), but under the watchful eye of her parents, she managed to get back up without shedding a single tear.
By dinnertime, she was racing one of the neighbor kids, giggling and playing as if she was a cycling pro.
Eat your heart out, Lance Armstrong!
A colleague of mine once shared a similar equation with me. She was using it to talk about the power of irresistible presence, and how, when these three elements are combined, you are more able to show up in a magnetic and authentic way.
The more I looked at her equation, the more truth I saw.
Success in anything can ONLY come when we have these three elements in proper measure. Without all three, you'll fall short in some way. Don't believe me? Let's look and see:
One of the most important things I've ever done for myself was develop The PEACE System. It helps me have crystal clarity on my priorities for any given day. Coupled with my Dreamblazing program, I've created my perfect solution to knowing exactly what matters most in any given moment. I have total CLARITY on what to do, and why.
After she fell, that little girl had clarity that her bike had a few issues, and that she needed more practice riding with it before she took it out onto the broken sidewalks of our ghetto neighborhood.
But clarity alone only helps you see the bicycle. It doesn't give you insight into how to actually ride it. Clarity says "I need to learn how to ride the bike." Confidence says "This is how one rides a bike."
Big difference.
You know what that means right? No? Here's the Urban Dictionary definition. CONFIDENCE comes from this space of knowing. When you've got clarity, you can make some decisions about what to do, and what not to do. You can even help other people make decisions based on what you know. As a coach, I am lucky enough to work with clients that need to make changes in their lives and business, but if all I did was spout off my knowledge, or tell them what to do, I'd be nothing more than a "sexual intellectual" that no one wants to work with. What's more, if I left my clients in that space, they'd never make any forward progress.
Confidence is the by-product of practice. Practice can only happen in a safe space. Like learning to ride a bike, there's always a fear of falling down, but training wheels and a steady hand on the back of the seat can make all the difference between riding down the street and never getting on the bike in the first place.
Confidence is built when the action you take is positively reinforced. When that little girl got back up on the bike, her parents stood by (safe space) and encouraged her progress. When her progress was reinforced, it gave her the confidence to know that she could ride this bike.
That little girl knew she could ride a bike - she'd done it before. She just needed to figure out how to handle the particular quirks of this bike. She quickly realized the seat would be an issue, so she needed to learn how to ride standing up. That would pretty much solve her "cushion" problem.
But knowing is only half the battle (GI Joe!)... or in this case a third of the battle. Because all the clarity & confidence in the world won't help you if you don't have the courage to do something with what you know.
For most people, if you've got courage, you've got confidence. COURAGE is the active piece to the "knowing" of Confidence. But sadly, people act with "courageous stupidity" all the time. You hear stories about someone accidentally setting their house on fire because they tried to kill a spider with a torch. Crazed drivers struck by road rage who speed up as someone tries to pass them - only to find out that person was a cop.
We all have something we're fighting for, something we believe in, something that in our bones we know to be true (that we'll defend to the bitter end). But without clarity (of what an appropriate response would be, for example), our courageous acts come off just plain arrogant or stupid.
This little girl could have thrown the bike to the ground in disgust and refused to ride it. After all, she "knew" she could ride a bike, and this one wasn't behaving properly. But because she also had clarity that this was the only bike her parents could afford, if she really wanted her very own bike to ride, she'd have to act differently.
Clarity says "I need to learn how to ride the bike." Confidence says "This is how one rides a bike." Courage says "This is me, riding this damn bike."
I'm leading a free workshop on Saturday March 14, 2015 to help you have more clarity, confidence, and courage in your life and business. If you're ready to learn how to create your own safe space to develop confidence and courage in your life and work, I hope you'll join me for this special, one-time-0nly workshop. You can learn more and register here. I'll also be sharing more about my Creative Freedom Apprenticeship and telling you how you could earn a scholarship to attend at no cost to you.